Phase Shift
Depression27 total reviews
Comment from Kingsland
your thoughts and phrases in this piece were very poetic
you form and format worked well for this write
there was nothing to dislike or suggest for change in it
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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your thoughts and phrases in this piece were very poetic
you form and format worked well for this write
there was nothing to dislike or suggest for change in it
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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thank you for the continued support of my work...dklrd
Comment from kassey
WOW, very deep thoughts here, yet I always enjoy the phrases you use, they are individual to yourself and have great strength in meaning. Great writing Kay
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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WOW, very deep thoughts here, yet I always enjoy the phrases you use, they are individual to yourself and have great strength in meaning. Great writing Kay
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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Thank you so very much for the continued support of my work, I appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from Oatmeal
DKLRDMCCHES,
Actually I try to steer away from scary stuff because I have two mental illnesses and I cannot sleep when I am afraid. So far your stuff hasn't been too bad. There is a boy here that I used to review and his novels were really getting difficult for me to review because they were too scary,
This is a nice poem. Yes, some of the words and phrases had scary undertones but it wasn't bad at all. So far your stuff has been okay for me to read.
The theme is good. The arrangement looks well. The formatting is good. The flow is smooth.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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DKLRDMCCHES,
Actually I try to steer away from scary stuff because I have two mental illnesses and I cannot sleep when I am afraid. So far your stuff hasn't been too bad. There is a boy here that I used to review and his novels were really getting difficult for me to review because they were too scary,
This is a nice poem. Yes, some of the words and phrases had scary undertones but it wasn't bad at all. So far your stuff has been okay for me to read.
The theme is good. The arrangement looks well. The formatting is good. The flow is smooth.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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thank you so very much for the support of my piece, I appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from HalfHoff
I commend you for this very real portrayal of this confusion and loss of almost every drive you once had ... I too, have had bouts with this thief and it's sooo hard to live with or explain. Superb. Lea Ann
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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I commend you for this very real portrayal of this confusion and loss of almost every drive you once had ... I too, have had bouts with this thief and it's sooo hard to live with or explain. Superb. Lea Ann
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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thank you so very much for the support, I do appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from mmichelle97219
Life in flux, and the changes keep coming. I am pictureing a person depressed by the unknow of how things will end up. Good post.
Michelle
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Life in flux, and the changes keep coming. I am pictureing a person depressed by the unknow of how things will end up. Good post.
Michelle
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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thank you for great review and insight to my woek, I do appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from starman
Mm. Another cold, morbid presentation by someone who knows the mood very well, I suspect. Suicidical thoughts running amock here. Loved it.
;)s
liquid of ice - I'd prefer liquid ice...
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Mm. Another cold, morbid presentation by someone who knows the mood very well, I suspect. Suicidical thoughts running amock here. Loved it.
;)s
liquid of ice - I'd prefer liquid ice...
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Thank you for the review and the insight, I appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from Shinitaku
Painfully dark, and it seems to capture the essence of the emotion nicely. It took me a reading or two, but it ended up inducing someone what of a stabbing sensation inside me, perhaps because I can relate. I was no personally found of what seemed like a lack of form to me, but at the same time I can understand that such an element was hardly important. There's a much deeper sensation being developed, and one you actually handled very nicely. Good work.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Painfully dark, and it seems to capture the essence of the emotion nicely. It took me a reading or two, but it ended up inducing someone what of a stabbing sensation inside me, perhaps because I can relate. I was no personally found of what seemed like a lack of form to me, but at the same time I can understand that such an element was hardly important. There's a much deeper sensation being developed, and one you actually handled very nicely. Good work.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Thank you for the insight and the review, I appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from Robbin
Deep, dark pain expressed. Drinking away the hurt. Well written sorrow and words that flowed with despair. A toast to letting go, and better off.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Deep, dark pain expressed. Drinking away the hurt. Well written sorrow and words that flowed with despair. A toast to letting go, and better off.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Thank you for the review...dklrd
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Initial read was dark and riveting, but poetic composition lacking in construction. For a free form verse with four short strophes, the word "the" was used SIX times. Omit or replace. Drop caps on continous run-ons in free form format. The last line was redundant in the use of pure/purification. Drop the first use of "pure" to create much stronger conclusion. Seraph
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Initial read was dark and riveting, but poetic composition lacking in construction. For a free form verse with four short strophes, the word "the" was used SIX times. Omit or replace. Drop caps on continous run-ons in free form format. The last line was redundant in the use of pure/purification. Drop the first use of "pure" to create much stronger conclusion. Seraph
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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thank you...dklrd
Comment from Adam Smith
"The clouds of despair linger
Over the shadows of once was."
Okay, these lines sucked me in, no doubt. I must admit to have gotten lost along the way a bit and had to sort of take my own meaning from this. I think that is often your intent, if I am correct, to have the reader take their own meaning from your words.
You have a unique voice and you are very consistent.
Adam
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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"The clouds of despair linger
Over the shadows of once was."
Okay, these lines sucked me in, no doubt. I must admit to have gotten lost along the way a bit and had to sort of take my own meaning from this. I think that is often your intent, if I am correct, to have the reader take their own meaning from your words.
You have a unique voice and you are very consistent.
Adam
Comment Written 06-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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thank you so very much for coming back to my work, I do appreciate it...dklrd
