Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "David Meets His Attorney"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
15 total reviews
Comment from Journal Jo
this is an all too common story and yet you tell it with
a lot of passion and caring. The characters are believable and the dialogue well done.
Good writing.
Journal Jo
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
  |
this is an all too common story and yet you tell it with
a lot of passion and caring. The characters are believable and the dialogue well done.
Good writing.
Journal Jo
Comment Written 24-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
-
Thanks JJ--much appreciated---Doug
-
Welcome
Jo
Comment from steph F
Good:
A solid chapter. The wife having the bad guy in the house must set up for future events; I didn't buy that the thug was there as a guest. I liked the dream sequence, too.
Needs Adjustment:
There are a few spots where your (you own it) and you're (you are) are not used correctly. The use of names within the dialog seemed unnecessary. Also, a lot of was + verb constructions where the verb alone would make a stronger sentence (e.g., were sleeping --> slept in the bit about the inmates). Multiple format problems, especially when using quotes within quotes and not distinguishing internal dialog (the first one was extra-confusing because of the tense switch; italics would fix). Strange sentence to start the inmate section. Just little tweaks for polish, in other words.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
 |
Good:
A solid chapter. The wife having the bad guy in the house must set up for future events; I didn't buy that the thug was there as a guest. I liked the dream sequence, too.
Needs Adjustment:
There are a few spots where your (you own it) and you're (you are) are not used correctly. The use of names within the dialog seemed unnecessary. Also, a lot of was + verb constructions where the verb alone would make a stronger sentence (e.g., were sleeping --> slept in the bit about the inmates). Multiple format problems, especially when using quotes within quotes and not distinguishing internal dialog (the first one was extra-confusing because of the tense switch; italics would fix). Strange sentence to start the inmate section. Just little tweaks for polish, in other words.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
-
Hi steph---thanks----I agree with 4 stars---maybe three would be more appropriate. I hate this chapter---needs total revision----wanted to see what reviewers thought---thanks again----Doug
-
I'm not so sure you need to scrap it! I still think minor tweaks will solve most of it. Best of luck.
Comment from rivki1111
Hi, good chapter, even with gaps this reads with interest, and no large errors, but I did spot a spelling mistake.
"You're a lo(o)ser, David! You're (a ~ remove) drunk and you've ruined your life.".
Grammar is not my strength though, lol
I.m enjoying the story, and would recommend this chapter as entertaining and original, thanks for sharing it, rebekah
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
|
Hi, good chapter, even with gaps this reads with interest, and no large errors, but I did spot a spelling mistake.
"You're a lo(o)ser, David! You're (a ~ remove) drunk and you've ruined your life.".
Grammar is not my strength though, lol
I.m enjoying the story, and would recommend this chapter as entertaining and original, thanks for sharing it, rebekah
Comment Written 24-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
-
Hi rebekah---this chapter is loaded with spag---I glanced right over it --as did you. Actually I hate this chapter---needs total revision----five stars is generous----Doug
Comment from rhymer1
The third paragraph is awkward. Maybe: Head pounding, confused, and disoriented, he scanned the room to realize he was in a hospital bed, with an IV in his arm. "Where am I?"
What are they talkin' about? - Italicize this thought
listen"hot-shot doctor - quote mark should be blank space dash or ellipsis
It gets pretty clean after this and I spead read most of the rest. Slainte, rhymer1
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
|
The third paragraph is awkward. Maybe: Head pounding, confused, and disoriented, he scanned the room to realize he was in a hospital bed, with an IV in his arm. "Where am I?"
What are they talkin' about? - Italicize this thought
listen"hot-shot doctor - quote mark should be blank space dash or ellipsis
It gets pretty clean after this and I spead read most of the rest. Slainte, rhymer1
Comment Written 24-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
-
Thanks Rhymer--five stars is generous--I hate this chapter---needs total revision----your speed reading glanced over a lot of spag---as did I. Other reviewers noted loads of spag. My fault--but I was so unhappy with chapter that I must not have cared----wanted to get some objective opinions---thanks again----Doug
Comment from FredCollingwood
Great story. You make it tough on us reviewers. I read through it very carefully looking for spags, but couldn't find any. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
|
Great story. You make it tough on us reviewers. I read through it very carefully looking for spags, but couldn't find any. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2008
-
Hi NN---thanks--last few paragraphs were missing---but I guess the ending was okay anyway.---Doug
