Blood Knots
Of the bloodlines that bind...19 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
This is amazing, and expresses with thoughtfulness and excellence the imperfection of families and yet the invisible threads that bind. Your imagery is powerful, striking and memorable. The poem flows beautifully with good pace. Best wishes for the contest.
Congratulations on your first post - you are obviously very gifted.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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This is amazing, and expresses with thoughtfulness and excellence the imperfection of families and yet the invisible threads that bind. Your imagery is powerful, striking and memorable. The poem flows beautifully with good pace. Best wishes for the contest.
Congratulations on your first post - you are obviously very gifted.
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Wow, your comment just really made my night. It means a lot when a fellow talented writer sees talent in my work. I am humbled and grateful you took the time to read my work and enjoyed it. And thank you for the six stars, truly.
Comment from zanya
Wow what a superb rendition of family ties and an excellent title to engage the reader narrated with such appropriate imagery - it's a veritable poetic feast enhanced with a great visual -has my vote
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Wow what a superb rendition of family ties and an excellent title to engage the reader narrated with such appropriate imagery - it's a veritable poetic feast enhanced with a great visual -has my vote
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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I am humbled by the six star review and am so happy you enjoyed the poem. I was afraid maybe it'd be too dark. Your comment is much appreciated.
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! This is a stunning poem and I love all the metaphors you used. In the first part, I really loved "saying grace over the bones of old arguments
that refuse to stay buried." It seems that this family was run by a strict mother who sewed the "family tapestry" and her influence still binds all together and the father is remote and doesn't connect with is family.
I like how you say that the sister "wears her childhood like a locket around her neck," while the narrator keeps in the pain which affects her body as the swallowed trauma is remembered physically but not verbally.
Then you move on from the family scene to the "family" of the country and make us think about whether we divorce our identity from it. Superbly written and I hope this does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Wow! This is a stunning poem and I love all the metaphors you used. In the first part, I really loved "saying grace over the bones of old arguments
that refuse to stay buried." It seems that this family was run by a strict mother who sewed the "family tapestry" and her influence still binds all together and the father is remote and doesn't connect with is family.
I like how you say that the sister "wears her childhood like a locket around her neck," while the narrator keeps in the pain which affects her body as the swallowed trauma is remembered physically but not verbally.
Then you move on from the family scene to the "family" of the country and make us think about whether we divorce our identity from it. Superbly written and I hope this does well in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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You are right on in decoding my descriptions and metaphors. So happy my poem was well understood. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
An outstanding first post. Your writing is richly visual, complexly layered metaphorical writing. I liked the first 4 stanzas the most because of their more limited scope.
A few thoughts:
We are tied with invisible thread, <= try removing "we are". This creates intrigue, which is explained later with the line "sewing us into the family quilt", -- any redundancy you can remove early on makes the writing more vivid
if the needle pricked and we bled. <= try: not caring if we bled when the needle pricked. This ends the stanza with a more percussive sound and the reader can actually hear the prick.
I've seen how we gather like moths <= try omitting the first four words, to keep the narrator and the reader in the moment as long as possible
Father is the clock on the wall, always watching, <= great metaphor connoting a grandfather clock
This is how we love, imperfectly,
like broken vessels still trying to hold water, <= "imperfectly" is redundant, and diminishes the tragedy
The latter part (we are a country) initially reads as political, but I see you're using metaphor there too, and I came to like it.
Welcome and thanks for sharing. I hope to see a lot more of your work!
🦍
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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An outstanding first post. Your writing is richly visual, complexly layered metaphorical writing. I liked the first 4 stanzas the most because of their more limited scope.
A few thoughts:
We are tied with invisible thread, <= try removing "we are". This creates intrigue, which is explained later with the line "sewing us into the family quilt", -- any redundancy you can remove early on makes the writing more vivid
if the needle pricked and we bled. <= try: not caring if we bled when the needle pricked. This ends the stanza with a more percussive sound and the reader can actually hear the prick.
I've seen how we gather like moths <= try omitting the first four words, to keep the narrator and the reader in the moment as long as possible
Father is the clock on the wall, always watching, <= great metaphor connoting a grandfather clock
This is how we love, imperfectly,
like broken vessels still trying to hold water, <= "imperfectly" is redundant, and diminishes the tragedy
The latter part (we are a country) initially reads as political, but I see you're using metaphor there too, and I came to like it.
Welcome and thanks for sharing. I hope to see a lot more of your work!
🦍
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Thank you so much for this review and for the constructive criticism, I will definitely consider these points when I go back to revise. I am happy you enjoyed the poem. And I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
Comment from royowen
I love the reflection of this poem, the definition of family, can be more varied that we can define, it's probably more than just mere, it's something that binds us together irrevocably together in a common bond, I think one word defines more than anything...love, beautifully written, welcome, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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I love the reflection of this poem, the definition of family, can be more varied that we can define, it's probably more than just mere, it's something that binds us together irrevocably together in a common bond, I think one word defines more than anything...love, beautifully written, welcome, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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I truly appreciate your reflective words on my poem. And I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
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Well done
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, your poem is so full of emotion! I love how you share these memories. The dinner table scene really stood out to me. I love how there is warmth but also some tension that feels so real. And that line about your sister wearing her childhood like a locket - Perfect! The house breathing and whispering secrets through the vents is just stunning. Congratulations on your first post! It's amazing writing!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Wow, your poem is so full of emotion! I love how you share these memories. The dinner table scene really stood out to me. I love how there is warmth but also some tension that feels so real. And that line about your sister wearing her childhood like a locket - Perfect! The house breathing and whispering secrets through the vents is just stunning. Congratulations on your first post! It's amazing writing!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Thank you so much for reading my work and for your lovely comment. I tried to include some happy moments along with the tension-filled ones, as usually families are not always just happy or just sad. My attempt not to make it too dark...
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
First and foremost welcome to Fan Story. I hope you will like it here as much as I do. This is a great place to explore your craft as there are many authors on here who will help you if you ask.
The key to success is to find authors you like and send them a fan notice and most of them will fan you back. This way your work gets into their in box.
This is a great poem and it's really deep. Families can be complicated and there isn't much we can do with the family we have been born into. We just have to navigate the best we can.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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First and foremost welcome to Fan Story. I hope you will like it here as much as I do. This is a great place to explore your craft as there are many authors on here who will help you if you ask.
The key to success is to find authors you like and send them a fan notice and most of them will fan you back. This way your work gets into their in box.
This is a great poem and it's really deep. Families can be complicated and there isn't much we can do with the family we have been born into. We just have to navigate the best we can.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Thank you for your kind comment and for taking the time to read my work. I am still learning to navigate the website but have figured out how to become a fan now. Slowly am adding people as it only allows you to follow a few people each day. This seems to be a very intelligent, creative bunch of folk and I look forward to reading everyone's work and becoming part of the community here.
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You are welcome. It takes a little to navigate, but once you do it will be a piece of cake. You will love it here. Again welcome my friend. I will fan you. I am looking forward to your work.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, this is such a touching poem. I could identify with your words here wholeheartedly. The skilful, well chosen words here are written from a talented pen, someone who knows how to write meaningful poems from their own experiences. I wish I had six stars for you, so instead I will promote your poem as this deserves to with the contest. Welcome to Fanstory and I look forward to reading more of your talented poems, love Dolly x x x x
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reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Oh my goodness, this is such a touching poem. I could identify with your words here wholeheartedly. The skilful, well chosen words here are written from a talented pen, someone who knows how to write meaningful poems from their own experiences. I wish I had six stars for you, so instead I will promote your poem as this deserves to with the contest. Welcome to Fanstory and I look forward to reading more of your talented poems, love Dolly x x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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I am humbled by your lovely review! I truly appreciate you promoting my poem and I am so happy that you found it worthy.
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Congratulations on your win, very much deserved x x x
Comment from Mrs Anna Howard
Wow! I love this. It's so raw and unapologetic. It addresses the family and the country that we are born into - something we can't choose, but they define us nonetheless.
Congratulations on your first post! Welcome!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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Wow! I love this. It's so raw and unapologetic. It addresses the family and the country that we are born into - something we can't choose, but they define us nonetheless.
Congratulations on your first post! Welcome!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2025
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I agree, in some part or another, the place where we come from defines us...even when we manage to escape.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, it is much appreciated!
