Spelunked
A cautionary caving tale.20 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Wow. A skull in the cave was a men-eating monster. It was a surprise ending that was supposed to be in the end of a well-written flash fiction. You can even write a longer one to enter the "We found the cave" competition.
Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
  |
Wow. A skull in the cave was a men-eating monster. It was a surprise ending that was supposed to be in the end of a well-written flash fiction. You can even write a longer one to enter the "We found the cave" competition.
Well done.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
-
Thank you for the review.I was curious about the skull being the monster as I had written sets of hands grabbing the victim. I am working on the "We found the cave" entry as we speak. Thanks again!
Comment from Gayla putnam
"Hello Dinner," what a perfect and ghastly line. In one hundred words, you captured my attention and made me wonder what horrid creatures were pulling poor Michael into the darkness. I have no suggestions to make it better. I definitely will avoid caves. Gayla
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
|
"Hello Dinner," what a perfect and ghastly line. In one hundred words, you captured my attention and made me wonder what horrid creatures were pulling poor Michael into the darkness. I have no suggestions to make it better. I definitely will avoid caves. Gayla
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
-
Thank you for the kind words! I was trying to convey that it was a cannibal clan that pounced on the victim. I'm happy you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Begin Again
Oh dear! I guess that was one cave he should have decided wasn't worth exploring. Now a soup pot or maybe just served raw will complete their dinner. Ugh!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
|
Oh dear! I guess that was one cave he should have decided wasn't worth exploring. Now a soup pot or maybe just served raw will complete their dinner. Ugh!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you!
Comment from Nicki.B
Oh jeepers! That story gave me the heebie jeebies, the thought of caves and small spaces is enough to make me feel claustrophobic, then 'Hello dinner' aaagh terrifying!
Great 100 word story good luck with the contest.
Best Wishes
Nicki
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
|
Oh jeepers! That story gave me the heebie jeebies, the thought of caves and small spaces is enough to make me feel claustrophobic, then 'Hello dinner' aaagh terrifying!
Great 100 word story good luck with the contest.
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you!
Comment from Jewell Hermann
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
 |
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you but you're right that it's hard to flesh out a flash story with a 100 word limit and the cave is home to a cannibal clan. Think Sawny Beane
Comment from Jewell Hermann
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
|
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you for the review.
Comment from lancellot
This is a very nice contest entry. I only have a couple of suggestions.
notes:
"Hello?" He called out.
-"Hello?" he called out.
"Hello dinner!" Was the reply as sets of hands grabbed him pulling him into the darkness.
-or-
"Hello dinner!" came an icy, inhuman reply, as powerful, clutching hands pulled him into darkness.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
|
This is a very nice contest entry. I only have a couple of suggestions.
notes:
"Hello?" He called out.
-"Hello?" he called out.
"Hello dinner!" Was the reply as sets of hands grabbed him pulling him into the darkness.
-or-
"Hello dinner!" came an icy, inhuman reply, as powerful, clutching hands pulled him into darkness.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you for the suggestions.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
And this story did nothing to help me feel better about going into a cave lol Caves scare the daylights out of me as I am highly claustrophic. Good job on this 100 word flash fiction piece. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
|
And this story did nothing to help me feel better about going into a cave lol Caves scare the daylights out of me as I am highly claustrophic. Good job on this 100 word flash fiction piece. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
-
Thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, walking into the lions den is no fun for some and this is indeed a horror story. An inventive and entertaining post, good luck, love Dolly x x x x x
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
|
Oh my goodness, walking into the lions den is no fun for some and this is indeed a horror story. An inventive and entertaining post, good luck, love Dolly x x x x x
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
-
Thank you for the kind words!
Comment from pome lover
very good! However, I'm glad I'm not getting ready to go to bed. nightmare city. You paint a very descriptive scenario in just a few words, and unfortunately it reminds me of a nightmare I used to have as a child.
It's still a good 100 word scare.
Katharine
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
|
very good! However, I'm glad I'm not getting ready to go to bed. nightmare city. You paint a very descriptive scenario in just a few words, and unfortunately it reminds me of a nightmare I used to have as a child.
It's still a good 100 word scare.
Katharine
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
-
Thank you! I'm sorry if I'm keeping you awake.
-
was just remarking on it's being scary.