DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 43"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
18 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I have a hard time identifying with people that are weak. I am very strong willed, and do not give up without a huge fight. I was raised this way. I am worried about various things but I do the best I can and that's that. You write well. Karen
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I have a hard time identifying with people that are weak. I am very strong willed, and do not give up without a huge fight. I was raised this way. I am worried about various things but I do the best I can and that's that. You write well. Karen
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Brian was weak when it came to resisting the pull of this GOAT narcotic, but I never meant to portray him as weak in any other respect. He is depressed now, but that doesn't indicate weakness; it simply indicates depression. Lots of strong people get depressed for one reason or another. What may seem like weakness is the result of that devil whispering in his ear.
Depression is a chemical thing characterized by a severe shortage of serotonin in the brain, which can happen for any number of reasons. It is thought to be hereditary too.
The real test of his strength or weakness will come when he gets over the depression. If he does nothing to try to improve things but just sits around and wallows in his misery, then I think we could call him weak. Let's wait and see how things go in the next couple of chapters.
Great picture of you, by the way!
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Depression is still misunderstood. It is not something one "gets over" it is always there. I have been ill my whole life, and I have to fight it daily. I do not take medicine. They put me through everything there was years ago. It made me either sleepy, over perky and jittery, A bear in hibernation, are a hammered bitch. None of it helped me. I know some of the stuff has helped my friends and family. But not me. Maybe because my personality is so strong, or the fact that my brain never quits. Anyhoo, Admiting your need, and telling others, giving up your sole control, letting others drive the bus sometimes is the key I think. My opinion only. Debbi D'arcy nagged me forever to put my real picture up there. When I was 20 I looke exactly like Shirley MacLaine in "The Trouble With Harry". so I hunted for a decent picture, and found ouy a lot was missing. This is me at 45. Don't know how long I will keep it up. I like my other persona.
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I think you're right about depression, at least for people who have experienced it more than once. I experienced it four times in my life (last episode was 28 years ago). On the fourth time, my doctor said I should probably stay on my antidepressant medication (venlafaxine, coincidentally!) permanently. I've taken his advice, but I take the lowest available dose of it now. It seems to work for me.
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Medicines are both the plague of mankind and the saving of it.
:-)
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I do wonder if this chapter wasn't rewritten to explain things, but that's fine. This will appeal to those who want to believe in unconditional love and support, or those who wish a spouse would endure through the bad things they did. Good work.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Hmm, I do wonder if this chapter wasn't rewritten to explain things, but that's fine. This will appeal to those who want to believe in unconditional love and support, or those who wish a spouse would endure through the bad things they did. Good work.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Very perceptive and absolutely correct, Lance. Several followers were losing perspective on the frequency of Brian's drug abuse and, I felt, being overly harsh, thinking Julia should dump him. I rewrote just a single paragraph, putting things in perspective.
I realize that presenting a story like this, chapter by chapter with a few large skips in time between major events can lead readers into a false sense of timing. People tend to remember the bad moments which are highlighted and de-emphasize the many good years when nothing bad is happening, and their relationship is great. I don't blame them for this, but felt it was my responsibility to make the extent of his drug abuse clearer (infrequent and of short duration) in order to properly understand Julia's reaction to the situation.
It was your previous review plus seeing the comments of a few others who made me realize the necessity of doing this to get my message across properly. You see why I like your critical reviews?
I don't know if I would characterize hers as unconditional love, though, because if he doesn't make an effort to straighten himself around but instead makes more of the drug and keeps abusing it, I don't think she would put up with that for very long. But you know that isn't going to happen, Lance.
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LOL. You're right, people do tend to fucus on the bad moments and forget the good. But... isn't Julia people too?
I think readers, find her lack of anger, or even temporary lashing out, inhuman (she is a woman). Not saying she can't love, support and forgive.
And he just wasted half a million dollars, risked his life and health and lied for a month, and now is (for some reason) worse off, and in more pain than before he started taking his new drug. What would a normal woman do if she walked into that?
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She has faith in him that the money won't be wasted because he has come so close to succeeding and she feels that once he gets back on his feet again, he will be able to find the solution to the problem that arose. (And you, in particular, know he will!)
He lied to her for two months, not because he was trying to get away with it but because he didn't want to spoil her tour. That's her profession after all, and she hasn't been able to tour for over a year. He didn't want her worrying about him, but he had a full intention of telling her what happened on her return. I didn't spell this out for readers, and perhaps I should have, but I've been accused by others of explaining too much and not leaving enough up to readers to interpret. So, I don't know.
All I can tell you is that there are people like Julia. She is very much modeled after my wife who went through with me what Julia is going through with Brian during one particularly turbulent time in my earlier years. This chapter needed no research to be able to write. If I end up writing a second draft, I might consider expressing more doubts on her part than in that one paragraph where I described them briefly, and she quickly dismissed them. But I'm not sure about either proposition yet.
His pain has gradually been increasing since the spinal cord stimulator is losing its effectiveness. He had had it adjusted a few times, but the pain is coming back.
A "normal" woman may not act or think like Julia, but writing about normal women isn't a high priority for me. I want Julia to be exceptional.
I think that's a key difference between you and me and what we like in fiction. I choose my main characters, as Ayn Rand would say, "who portray life as it could and should be, rather than merely reflecting reality as it is."
This is why my main characters tend to be "nice" (your word) people and will likely continue to be so.
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Fair enough. There are other novel writers here, who self-insert with their characters. They model them super nice too.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
That last paragraph is an accurate description for someone battling depression. I had a close family member who did nothing but tell her self how ugly she was, how unpopular, her body sucked - she finally worked it out with the help of drugs and counseling. And family.
You've done your research in several areas for this one, Jim.
I'm glad to see that the opening scene of this book has not turned into the ending I was expecting. But that was before I knew Julia, and, for all we know, she may get Brian clean and on the right path again and then leave him.
But I don't think so:-)
I hate to give out sixes every week for books, but you have really outdone yourself with this one.
Four more!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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That last paragraph is an accurate description for someone battling depression. I had a close family member who did nothing but tell her self how ugly she was, how unpopular, her body sucked - she finally worked it out with the help of drugs and counseling. And family.
You've done your research in several areas for this one, Jim.
I'm glad to see that the opening scene of this book has not turned into the ending I was expecting. But that was before I knew Julia, and, for all we know, she may get Brian clean and on the right path again and then leave him.
But I don't think so:-)
I hate to give out sixes every week for books, but you have really outdone yourself with this one.
Four more!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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My "research" on depression and anxiety came from personal experience, so this was easy for me to write. I just had to put down everything I used to feel during one unfortunate period in my life. But very fortunately, I had my own Julia who was as loving and understanding as the fictional Julia.
The next chapter will show even more why I am forever grateful to my wife, Elise, who resembles Julia in many ways and serves as much of the inspiration for the character.
I appreciate your great review and the 6 stars very much, Pam. It means a lot to me.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Brian is at an extreme low in his life. I'm glad he has Julia. I hope she's strong enough to help him through this. I'm wondering what the solution to this problem will be. I am enjoying reading this story.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Brian is at an extreme low in his life. I'm glad he has Julia. I hope she's strong enough to help him through this. I'm wondering what the solution to this problem will be. I am enjoying reading this story.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Yes, I would agree he is at the low point right now. What's your prediction: Will Julia have the strength to continue to support him, will he shape up and fix the problem, will the marriage fail? Just curious to see what you think.
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I'm actually on the fence right now. I do believe true love can conquer any problem. I want to believe Julia will stay with him. I also want to believe he'll find a cure for the pain, but I doubt that will happen and he'll find another job.
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We'll see. The next chapter should make it clear which way things will go.
Comment from BethShelby
If you never felt this kind of depression or addiction you must have known someone really close who had to deal with this because you are showing in very clearly in your writing. I think there is a lot of women who couldn't had a man in this condition for long. Good writing.
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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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If you never felt this kind of depression or addiction you must have known someone really close who had to deal with this because you are showing in very clearly in your writing. I think there is a lot of women who couldn't had a man in this condition for long. Good writing.
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Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Beth. This part is autobiographical and represents a time in my life when things weren't going so well. This is me and my wife assuming the roles of Brian and Julia. I am ever grateful to her for being one of those wives willing to stick by me and help get me through it, as Julia does for Brian.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I've never experienced Depression, myself, but the way you've described it here is how I imagine it feels and is also similar to the way I've heard other sufferers describe it. The description I heard a long time ago that made the most sense to me was: Depression is Anger turned inward. And that's exactly what Brian is experiencing here. He cannot pick his emotional scabs ferociously enough, can he? Wowie zowie. He's like a guilt-inflicting Jewish Mommie on steroids!
Julia's an in-it-to-win-it kind of girl. She beat the odds against attaining success despite her mother's intervention and never-ending criticisms, she even CLEAVED from her mother and, through being a successful professional musician, she understands that (a) nothing comes without work and sacrifice and (b) sometimes, no matter how hard you work and how much effort you put forth, you STILL don't necessarily end up with the results you want. But that doesn't mean you throw everything away. She's the definition of a best friend: someone who hears the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten the words. Brian definitely hit the jackpot with her - but, at the same time, he also earned her, because when he's not addicted, he's a great spouse, himself...and Julia remembers that.
Wonderful chapter, Jim.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I've never experienced Depression, myself, but the way you've described it here is how I imagine it feels and is also similar to the way I've heard other sufferers describe it. The description I heard a long time ago that made the most sense to me was: Depression is Anger turned inward. And that's exactly what Brian is experiencing here. He cannot pick his emotional scabs ferociously enough, can he? Wowie zowie. He's like a guilt-inflicting Jewish Mommie on steroids!
Julia's an in-it-to-win-it kind of girl. She beat the odds against attaining success despite her mother's intervention and never-ending criticisms, she even CLEAVED from her mother and, through being a successful professional musician, she understands that (a) nothing comes without work and sacrifice and (b) sometimes, no matter how hard you work and how much effort you put forth, you STILL don't necessarily end up with the results you want. But that doesn't mean you throw everything away. She's the definition of a best friend: someone who hears the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten the words. Brian definitely hit the jackpot with her - but, at the same time, he also earned her, because when he's not addicted, he's a great spouse, himself...and Julia remembers that.
Wonderful chapter, Jim.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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What a wonderfully perceptive review, Rachelle. I think you've perfectly analyzed and voiced the feelings, thoughts, and especially the traits of both characters here and thoroughly understand the situation now.
There is an autobiographical basis depicted in this chapter that lends weight to the authenticity of it. Many years ago, during a particularly turbulent time in my life, this was me and my wife, Elise, going through what Brian and Julia are going through now.
Thank you for this wonderful review and the gift of 6 stars. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
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Marriages with strong foundations CAN last, even in the most turbulent of times. I think it's important to keep in mind that yes, marriage is difficult. But divorce is also difficult. Choose your difficult.
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Great way to think about it.
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I use that standard often. X is hard, and Y is hard; what 'hard' can I deal with best?
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I often wonder how addicts can work out when their next does is as these drugs mess with the mind and I suppose this is why they sometimes overdose. When I take any medication I have to write it down otherwise I forget to take it or forget I have already taken it. Brian is now examining his life and considering how lucky he is to have Julia who has stood by him through thick and thin. There is only so much a spouse can take before they eventually leave though. Brian seems to be going around in circles with his pain and his medication, I hope he cana find a solution that prevents him from being addicted again. Another fine chapter Jim and I thought it was about time I gave you a six for all your efforts with this story, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I often wonder how addicts can work out when their next does is as these drugs mess with the mind and I suppose this is why they sometimes overdose. When I take any medication I have to write it down otherwise I forget to take it or forget I have already taken it. Brian is now examining his life and considering how lucky he is to have Julia who has stood by him through thick and thin. There is only so much a spouse can take before they eventually leave though. Brian seems to be going around in circles with his pain and his medication, I hope he cana find a solution that prevents him from being addicted again. Another fine chapter Jim and I thought it was about time I gave you a six for all your efforts with this story, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Dolly. I really appreciate your great review and the 6 stars as well. I'm glad you've been enjoying the story.
So, you can understand how easy it was for Brian to make this mistake. He's younger than we are, but I guess is somewhat absent-minded and forgetful.
You're right that Julia may get disgusted with him if he doesn't make any effort to straighten himself out, but they are nowhere near that point yet. The next chapter should give us a big clue as to which direction this will go.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written.
...there don't seem to be any withdrawal symptoms - I could be wrong, but 'doesn't' sounds better to me.
Again, Julia is a better man than me. All the deception and lying. If Brian could quit now, he could have before, I'm thinking. Why risk losing her?
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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Nicely written.
...there don't seem to be any withdrawal symptoms - I could be wrong, but 'doesn't' sounds better to me.
Again, Julia is a better man than me. All the deception and lying. If Brian could quit now, he could have before, I'm thinking. Why risk losing her?
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Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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No, he fully planned to tell her what happened when she returned. He just didn't want to spoil her tour by telling her in advance. He faked that everything was normal so that she wouldn't be distracted in her profession.
Here's the thing. Quitting is extremely difficult, as you well know from your friend who couldn't quit. In the past, it has taken Brian a great deal of help from those closest to him (Fran, Dr. Rieke, Daniel, and especially Julia) to get through it. He can't seem to do it by himself. Now he's encountered a drug which is much more potent than Oxy, which makes it even tougher to quit. He knows he will need Julia's help, but at the same time, he has guilt feelings about dragging her down and doubts about whether or not they will succeed this time. She realizes this, and understands it, having been an addict herself (though to a much lesser degree).
In all other respects, he has been a wonderful husband to her, helping her to enjoy life and broaden her horizons. You just don't give up on a person like that too easily. Perhaps if he makes no effort to improve, then maybe she will have second thoughts, but not yet.