Changed Man?
I Am A Changed Man.29 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
I usually do not read horror tales but this is excellent. I like the twist at the end, being a priest would be the perfect occupation for a serial killer to hide. Your writing holds the reader's interest and you have a well developed character. Congrats on winning the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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I usually do not read horror tales but this is excellent. I like the twist at the end, being a priest would be the perfect occupation for a serial killer to hide. Your writing holds the reader's interest and you have a well developed character. Congrats on winning the contest.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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That is a great compliment. Appreciate you!
D
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Hmmm. A priest, huh?
The second one was also 'unintentional'. - Thank you for not falling to the punctuation police. Some here on FanStory insist on the 'letter' of the law: quotations should be outside punctuation. But here, you are using single quotes to highlight the word unintentional. Italics would serve a bit better, but you are certainly not quoting within a quote!
Best wishes.
And I 'am' glad that the priest stopped killing whores.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Hmmm. A priest, huh?
The second one was also 'unintentional'. - Thank you for not falling to the punctuation police. Some here on FanStory insist on the 'letter' of the law: quotations should be outside punctuation. But here, you are using single quotes to highlight the word unintentional. Italics would serve a bit better, but you are certainly not quoting within a quote!
Best wishes.
And I 'am' glad that the priest stopped killing whores.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Ha! You know, Wayne. I learned that punctuation trick from one of your previous reviews. It looks correct with the period outside. You da man!
By the way this story generated from the 30/30 book contest. Some thought the priest was the killer and it got me thinking?..
Comment from Ginda Simpson
This is dark and devious, and exceptionally funny as a piece of fiction. I don't even want to know what led you to write this, but write it you did, and did it extremely well. You need to take a walk in nature (kidding, of course).
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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This is dark and devious, and exceptionally funny as a piece of fiction. I don't even want to know what led you to write this, but write it you did, and did it extremely well. You need to take a walk in nature (kidding, of course).
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Ginda! Appreciate the pretty stars.
I felt like I needed a shower after this one. Ha!
D
Comment from phill doran
Hello Douglas,
This is a fine piece. A very powerful opening and a super close.
(My only suggestion is to neutralize the word 'priest' and to swap the last two paragraphs, trying to keep the twist to the very, very last...just a suggestion: I mean no disrespect to your fine work here.)
"...Of course, my career change has led me to consider turning myself in, once or twice. But, I'm just not the kind of man who would do well in prison.
Well, it's been a long day and everyone has left. Time to get out of this confessional. Being Father William Braydon certainly comes with its mundane moments.
Again, this piece made a very pacey and engaging read.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Hello Douglas,
This is a fine piece. A very powerful opening and a super close.
(My only suggestion is to neutralize the word 'priest' and to swap the last two paragraphs, trying to keep the twist to the very, very last...just a suggestion: I mean no disrespect to your fine work here.)
"...Of course, my career change has led me to consider turning myself in, once or twice. But, I'm just not the kind of man who would do well in prison.
Well, it's been a long day and everyone has left. Time to get out of this confessional. Being Father William Braydon certainly comes with its mundane moments.
Again, this piece made a very pacey and engaging read.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Thanks Phill! That is a solid suggestion which has thrown me in a loop as I really wanted that repeated thought of ?not made for jail? to end it. I am entering this in the Fiction Factory Flash contest and need to decide if hat to do. I shall consult the oracle. Hope she doesn?t try to eat me again. Ha!
Comment from Mark Jackson
A great story and a worthy winner of the Rebirth contest. Did you create it for the contest specifically or was it something you had lying around either on paper or in your head beforehand?
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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A great story and a worthy winner of the Rebirth contest. Did you create it for the contest specifically or was it something you had lying around either on paper or in your head beforehand?
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2024
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Actually I had a priest in my 30/30 mystery contest book. Reviewers were guessing who the killer was and one was sure it was the priest. That led me down the dark path of ?what if??
That combined with me being a true crime buff. I watch a lot of cold case, 48 hours, and serial killer shows. I found myself wondering why serial killers are always blue collar workers? Being retired law enforcement I know that we only catch the stupid criminals. (The serial killer I caught was stealing a car battery on San Ysidro Boulevard.) So what if some of these killers make it in society and gain position and are able to stop? Like maybe the Zodiac Killer who was never caught? That is where it stemmed from.
Okay, maybe longer answer than you wanted. Ha! Thanks for the review!
Douglas
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Nice thank you for the answer not too long at all.
Comment from Ulla
I had to smile when I read this. Yeah you could certainly say it was a rebirth, from being a serial killer to become a priest. Yes, there's all sorts. All the best of luck. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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I had to smile when I read this. Yeah you could certainly say it was a rebirth, from being a serial killer to become a priest. Yes, there's all sorts. All the best of luck. Ulla:))
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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I have often wondered if they hide in higher end positions. The ones caught are usually blue collar workers such as truck drivers and welders and such. Regardless, I thought it was a fun idea!
Comment from LJbutterfly
What an unusual, but creative story with the bad guy as the narrator. Your story flowed smoothly leading the reader to wonder where it was leading. Then POW. The unexpected ending reveals the bad guy becomes a priest. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Consideration: No matter how low Miss Holly Madison's mini-skirts get.
Consider, No matter how 'high' mini-skirts get. The lower the skirt get, the more covered up Miss Holly would be.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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What an unusual, but creative story with the bad guy as the narrator. Your story flowed smoothly leading the reader to wonder where it was leading. Then POW. The unexpected ending reveals the bad guy becomes a priest. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Consideration: No matter how low Miss Holly Madison's mini-skirts get.
Consider, No matter how 'high' mini-skirts get. The lower the skirt get, the more covered up Miss Holly would be.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Oh thank you! Great fix, my friend. May your suggestion push me to the podium! Sally forth!
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a good character study of a man who can justify anything. I think the scariest thing about this story is that there are probably true cases of this out there. CEOs and leaders at all levels of society have a high percentage of psychopaths. They aren't all or even mostly serial killers, but most serial killers are psychopaths, so there is bound to be overlap. And the more power, the easier to evade justice. You gave us a good inside look at the workings of a mind like this.
Good luck on the contest. You have an excellent entry for it!
Julie
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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This is a good character study of a man who can justify anything. I think the scariest thing about this story is that there are probably true cases of this out there. CEOs and leaders at all levels of society have a high percentage of psychopaths. They aren't all or even mostly serial killers, but most serial killers are psychopaths, so there is bound to be overlap. And the more power, the easier to evade justice. You gave us a good inside look at the workings of a mind like this.
Good luck on the contest. You have an excellent entry for it!
Julie
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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There are cases like this although serial killers are usually blue collar for some reason. Contest are nerve-racking. I think I tinkled.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh My! This is very well written contest entry. I couldn't find any way to improve the entry. I enjoyed reading. You said a lot in with a few words. Thank you for sharing it. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Oh My! This is very well written contest entry. I couldn't find any way to improve the entry. I enjoyed reading. You said a lot in with a few words. Thank you for sharing it. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thanks for the well wishes. Too tight to watch! These contests are some really stressed out fun. They make you tinkle. You should jump in a few, my friend.
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I enjoy reading contest entries but don't participate. I have my own reasons.
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I know. We have discussed it before. They are just fun.
Comment from Sanku
Every saint has a past and every sinner a future--I read that somewhere .I could agree with second part of it ,but I was reluctant to believe the first part...After knowing about Father William Braydon ,iI think I could agree...all the best.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Every saint has a past and every sinner a future--I read that somewhere .I could agree with second part of it ,but I was reluctant to believe the first part...After knowing about Father William Braydon ,iI think I could agree...all the best.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thanks! A fun contest!