Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Panpipes - Chapter 23"A Novella
25 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I love the way you write, its easy to visualize.... great imagery. "Nonetheless, it was a spiritual petrol station, and maybe they could have filled up with a fresh tank of karma"
Poor, Ayesha, what a trip! My brother lives in Thailand, he loves it. His home is close to the beach.
I hope she checks the elephant sanctuary... maybe she can buy and place Abharamu there.
Another wonderful chapter, well done.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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I love the way you write, its easy to visualize.... great imagery. "Nonetheless, it was a spiritual petrol station, and maybe they could have filled up with a fresh tank of karma"
Poor, Ayesha, what a trip! My brother lives in Thailand, he loves it. His home is close to the beach.
I hope she checks the elephant sanctuary... maybe she can buy and place Abharamu there.
Another wonderful chapter, well done.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Gypsy. Thanks for your comment about the imagery. All the best, Tony.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You slipped easily from the streets of Sydney back into Thailand, and the sights and sounds easily Tony. I felt like I too was on the drive with Somchai, hanging on to the edge of my seat. And that snake in the ceiling I'd be having nightmares too.
This was another great chapter Tony, very entertainiing read.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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You slipped easily from the streets of Sydney back into Thailand, and the sights and sounds easily Tony. I felt like I too was on the drive with Somchai, hanging on to the edge of my seat. And that snake in the ceiling I'd be having nightmares too.
This was another great chapter Tony, very entertainiing read.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Valda. My daughter has a couple of pythons that have taken up residence in their garden up in Queensland. They don't seem in the least concerned about them! I guess that's what comes of living in the tropics.
Thanks for your generous comments and the extra star.
All the best, Tony.
Comment from Jim Wile
I really enjoyed this chapter, Tony. She's back in Thailand now, where the story began, after a rather harrowing adventure in Australia. What a different world from what she was used to in Australia with "small" pythons of only about 3 meters long that she doesn't have to worry about that keep the rats out of the house and other comforts. Where will she end up when all is said and done? She will have to make up her mind what kind of life she best fits into.
I loved this way of expressing the temple she and Somchai passed on the way to his home: "Nonetheless, it was a spiritual petrol station, and maybe they could have filled up with a fresh tank of karma." Very poetic.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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I really enjoyed this chapter, Tony. She's back in Thailand now, where the story began, after a rather harrowing adventure in Australia. What a different world from what she was used to in Australia with "small" pythons of only about 3 meters long that she doesn't have to worry about that keep the rats out of the house and other comforts. Where will she end up when all is said and done? She will have to make up her mind what kind of life she best fits into.
I loved this way of expressing the temple she and Somchai passed on the way to his home: "Nonetheless, it was a spiritual petrol station, and maybe they could have filled up with a fresh tank of karma." Very poetic.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thanks very much for your review, kind comments, and extra star. All greatly appreciated. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There is absolutely no way you would catch me sleeping in a room with a python directly above me! Three metres? That small!!! Lol.
This was well written, Tony, I couldn't find any nits, but then again, I was engrossed in the story. Like Ayesha, I'm worried about Abharamu, he needs to be rescued from those men, I'm hoping the Ayesha will be allowed to buy the whole reserve, that would be good for all the animals. This is such a wonderful story, my friend. Well done. Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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There is absolutely no way you would catch me sleeping in a room with a python directly above me! Three metres? That small!!! Lol.
This was well written, Tony, I couldn't find any nits, but then again, I was engrossed in the story. Like Ayesha, I'm worried about Abharamu, he needs to be rescued from those men, I'm hoping the Ayesha will be allowed to buy the whole reserve, that would be good for all the animals. This is such a wonderful story, my friend. Well done. Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thanks for the lovely comments and extra star, Sandra. My daughter has a python of about that size living in the garden up in Queensland. They don't seem in the least concerned about it. The grandchildren have christened it 'Lovely'. I must say, I'm a little discombobulated when I see it curled up in the rafters above my head when I go up there to visit!
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is an easy-to-read thriller from an international standpoint and it captures the escape artist of a person who knows how to leave them jumping and alive with excitement.
I love the font size which is so easy on the eyesight. This delivers a punch of thrill as it goes between two different countries and shows the wild and entertaining events happening to both characters simultaneously.
Thanks for the thrill of a lifetime!
Jesse
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This is an easy-to-read thriller from an international standpoint and it captures the escape artist of a person who knows how to leave them jumping and alive with excitement.
I love the font size which is so easy on the eyesight. This delivers a punch of thrill as it goes between two different countries and shows the wild and entertaining events happening to both characters simultaneously.
Thanks for the thrill of a lifetime!
Jesse
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Jesse. I appreciate you taking the time to review this and thank you for your supportive words and encouragement. I'm glad that you are still enjoying the story and find the larger font size helpful. All good wishes, Tony
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Keep up the good work, Tony.
You are one of the best writers on this site.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from Sankey
I had a feeling you might have posted. I was worried I might have been too late. Thankfully, I made it in time. Your story is going well. Can't wait to see what happens about her helping the elephants. And her liaison with Bapit. No spags.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I had a feeling you might have posted. I was worried I might have been too late. Thankfully, I made it in time. Your story is going well. Can't wait to see what happens about her helping the elephants. And her liaison with Bapit. No spags.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Geoffrey. I'm glad you are still enjoying the story. Thanks very much for the sixth star. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from robyn corum
Tony,
Clearly, I've come in quite late. But the writing is still just as nice and tight as I remember. You give a good sense of the setting, though the characters are rather vaporous at the mo.
More:
1.) Why did she have to keep making risqué jokes when they so obviously embarrassed him?
--> you jumped heads here, startling me. You know the rules, I'm certain - though this is my first chap. I have no idea what POV you're using, I'm pretty certain you can't switch in the same paragraph.
2.) It comforted her to know that the police were aware of her situation and had alerted the hotel staff.
--> are you still watching your 'thats'?
--> this one is unneeded
2.) Not sure 'to know' is needed in that sentence either?
3.) She sat bolt upright, unsure for a moment of where she was.
-> this may be the best King's English, but imo, the 'of' is not necc
4.) When her world came back into focus, she realised that the TV was
--> -that
5.) final approach, Ayesha looked out of the window with a shudder.
--> -'of'
6.) She was sure it was going to ditch,
--> actually refers back to the window
7.) blue-tinted windows reflected the sun like a giant sapphire.
--> just used 'giant' in the fourth sentence of this paragraph (but it's a great simile)
8.) her tastebuds became more accustomed to the chilli,
--> I'm sure you're right, just checking on the extra 'l' in chili
Nice job! Thanks!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Tony,
Clearly, I've come in quite late. But the writing is still just as nice and tight as I remember. You give a good sense of the setting, though the characters are rather vaporous at the mo.
More:
1.) Why did she have to keep making risqué jokes when they so obviously embarrassed him?
--> you jumped heads here, startling me. You know the rules, I'm certain - though this is my first chap. I have no idea what POV you're using, I'm pretty certain you can't switch in the same paragraph.
2.) It comforted her to know that the police were aware of her situation and had alerted the hotel staff.
--> are you still watching your 'thats'?
--> this one is unneeded
2.) Not sure 'to know' is needed in that sentence either?
3.) She sat bolt upright, unsure for a moment of where she was.
-> this may be the best King's English, but imo, the 'of' is not necc
4.) When her world came back into focus, she realised that the TV was
--> -that
5.) final approach, Ayesha looked out of the window with a shudder.
--> -'of'
6.) She was sure it was going to ditch,
--> actually refers back to the window
7.) blue-tinted windows reflected the sun like a giant sapphire.
--> just used 'giant' in the fourth sentence of this paragraph (but it's a great simile)
8.) her tastebuds became more accustomed to the chilli,
--> I'm sure you're right, just checking on the extra 'l' in chili
Nice job! Thanks!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks very much for your review, Robyn. I very much appreciate the suggestions you have made. The superfluous 'thats' and 'if' are now gone, and I have re-written the paragraph about the plane's landing in Phuket. I've also killed one of the giants.
I'm leaving 'out of the window', as that is more common usage in Australian English.
I shall have to think about Why did she have to keep making risqué jokes when they so obviously embarrassed him?. It was intended to be internal dialogue, which I'm using quite a bit in the book. However, I'm reluctant to use italics for it. You're right, though. Head hopping is an issue, and I need to go through the book as a whole to check for it. Also, a global search for 'that' is probably in order!
It is so refreshing to receive a review that has some substance. Thanks, again!
Comment from estory
There's a shadowy sense of foreboding in this chapter. It feels like something is about to happen that will throw a monkey wrench into her plans. There's also a mention of Bapit again, recuperating in the hospital, and also of the elephant sanctuary. So she hasn't quite forgotten him, but it also doesn't seem like something big in her mind, and that seems strange to me after so much attention given him in the earlier chapters. There's a bit of disjointed plot here. estory
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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There's a shadowy sense of foreboding in this chapter. It feels like something is about to happen that will throw a monkey wrench into her plans. There's also a mention of Bapit again, recuperating in the hospital, and also of the elephant sanctuary. So she hasn't quite forgotten him, but it also doesn't seem like something big in her mind, and that seems strange to me after so much attention given him in the earlier chapters. There's a bit of disjointed plot here. estory
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks for another useful review, estory. You've mentioned the disjointed plot before, and it's something I shall have to consider carefully when it comes to the final edit. I appreciate the reminder.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am in agreement with Ayesha about the python. Wouldn't want one in my roof. I do really like this story and can't wait to read more. I still like Steven and Ayesha together. I hope we'll see him again.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I am in agreement with Ayesha about the python. Wouldn't want one in my roof. I do really like this story and can't wait to read more. I still like Steven and Ayesha together. I hope we'll see him again.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate your review. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Treischel
The beginning painted an effective portrait of lonely boredom. Very descriptive.
Loved the description of the plane landing. Then the scene with the guy.and the pickup line. Clever. Then you made the car ride very colorful. Lots of good dialogue. Loved the line about a spiritual petrol station.
Delightful interchange about the soul. The possum/snake comments were a surprise. I smiled at the dream of snakes. A long chapter full of many interesting details.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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The beginning painted an effective portrait of lonely boredom. Very descriptive.
Loved the description of the plane landing. Then the scene with the guy.and the pickup line. Clever. Then you made the car ride very colorful. Lots of good dialogue. Loved the line about a spiritual petrol station.
Delightful interchange about the soul. The possum/snake comments were a surprise. I smiled at the dream of snakes. A long chapter full of many interesting details.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Tom, for your encouraging words and the sixth star. Glad you're still enjoying the story. All good wishes, Tony
