What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "What We See - Chapter 21"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
19 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is well written, and all the loose ends of his past have been tied together. It seems the character who got it the worst was Tony, and we knew very little about him. He was 2D, and just a prop it seems.
So, where does the story go? Yes, it can continue showing us Alan's life, but... why? Is there any significant conflict that needs a resolution in his story? Will it chronicle his life until he dies of old age, and why would the readers want to be a voyeur on an average life?
I'm only asking because you want your readers to see a clear journey, the arch of a story. At this point, the conclusion appears to be here.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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This is well written, and all the loose ends of his past have been tied together. It seems the character who got it the worst was Tony, and we knew very little about him. He was 2D, and just a prop it seems.
So, where does the story go? Yes, it can continue showing us Alan's life, but... why? Is there any significant conflict that needs a resolution in his story? Will it chronicle his life until he dies of old age, and why would the readers want to be a voyeur on an average life?
I'm only asking because you want your readers to see a clear journey, the arch of a story. At this point, the conclusion appears to be here.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Lance, you've raised a good question: Where do we go from here? You've convinced me to do one thing with this novel--I've now split it into two parts, and we have just arrived at the end of part 1. Part 2 begins with the next posting.
This really is a 2-part story with the first part mainly concentrating on the misunderstanding leading to his troubles at the school and necessitating his finding a new line of work. In part 2, we will concentrate on the other major source of misunderstanding of "what we see" and that is his and Tommy's dyslexia that was only introduced in part 1.
We are now 35,000 words in. I have written 66,000 words now and foresee about 10,000 more before the end. 75,000 words is relatively short as novels go. Saving Mr. Calvin was 93,000. Even that is not that long.
So, although it seems like the pacing might be rather slow, we are really only about 120 pages into a hard cover novel. Most of my postings are between 1,200 and 1,800 words, which is about 4 to 6 pages in a book, which really isn't very much. So it may seem like it's dragging, but when you sit down and read a novel for an hour or two at a time, you probably read 30-50 pages, and this would seem to move a lot faster than it does when you only read an average of 5 as you do here.
I hope some day you decide to try writing a novel. You'll know what I mean about pacing if you try it. It's very different from writing a short story.
With the decreasing attention spans of young people today, I'm not sure how popular novels will be in the future. Young people seem to want instant gratification now and appear to lack the patience for longer works. Everything has to be quick-quick-quick like Tik-Tok videos and they want things to unfold quickly and get onto something else.
Maybe I'm a dying breed, but I don't mind spending a little time between major scenes to let the reader recover before building up to another major scene or theme developing, so long as these interim scenes remain interesting and at least somewhat relevant to the larger purpose of the story. At the very least, they should further develop the characters so that we can understand what makes them tic and to give context for perhaps the more important things to come.
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Actually, I have written novels, but that was before you joined. My only FS Seal is from my first book.
I look forward to the second part. And you're right, I too believe attention span has decreased over the years.
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I'd like to read that sometime when I'm not so busy writing my own. Is that in your portfolio? Congrats for getting a seal for it. Those are hard to get.
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Yeah, I'm too lazy to clean that thing out.
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There are a bunch of books in there. What was the name of the one that got the seal?
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Tales from the Little big house.
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I can't seem to find it. I was going to bookcase it.
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https://www.fanstory.com/chapterdetails.jsp?id=12094
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good story for everyone involved. Did you mean to set this story 20 years ago because that computer is that old? Times were simpler then, so maybe that is the best place to be.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Good story for everyone involved. Did you mean to set this story 20 years ago because that computer is that old? Times were simpler then, so maybe that is the best place to be.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Carol. Yeah, I wanted to go back to a period where dyslexia, which we will be getting back to very soon, was not well understood. It also enables Alan to invent a new product, which is coming in a little while, that actually exists today, (which I was unaware of when I started writing this story) which would have been very advanced for the time period (mid-80s).
Comment from jmdg1954
Excellent chapter, Jim.
I was a bit surprised Susie and Tina moved out of state. There were no charges pending against Tina? Or would there only have been if Alan pressed charges?
Good to see Ginnie and Alan completing the horizontal boogie... I b wonder where that's headed? I'm no also b wondering what's coming next in the story. Everthings running smoothly right about now.
Curious minds will have to wait.
John
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Excellent chapter, Jim.
I was a bit surprised Susie and Tina moved out of state. There were no charges pending against Tina? Or would there only have been if Alan pressed charges?
Good to see Ginnie and Alan completing the horizontal boogie... I b wonder where that's headed? I'm no also b wondering what's coming next in the story. Everthings running smoothly right about now.
Curious minds will have to wait.
John
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Thanks, John. Tina never lied to the police. She was never questioned by the police when she made the original assault charge. So what she did was not a criminal offense. It was slander or defamation, but that's a civil case, and Alan would have had to bring suit against her, which he chose not to do.
I like that--"the horizontal boogie."
We have just concluded part 1 of the story, and it's true--everything is running smoothly. Next posting begins part 2 where we'll pick up another thread of the story dealing with dyslexia. This will take us through the end of the book. We are just under halfway now.
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Thank you for clearing the Tina situation up for me. Understood!
Looking forward to part 2.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I am confused for it seems I have read the first part of this release previously. Am I wrong? Not that it means a hill of beans, I'll continue being entertained by reading along.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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I am confused for it seems I have read the first part of this release previously. Am I wrong? Not that it means a hill of beans, I'll continue being entertained by reading along.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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I'm not sure exactly which part of the beginning you are referring to, but I don't believe so. Let me know, and I can give you a better answer. It's possible you're right.
Comment from Wendy G
An excelllent and enjoyable chapter. Things are working out well with Ginnie. Earl has finally apologised (although it's a pity he didn't initiate the call himself) and hopefully both Tina and Suzy have learnt a few life lessons. I was puzzling over that expression about the Pope, thinking the answer would be a No - but your explanation made perfect sense and was delightful humour. Great chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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An excelllent and enjoyable chapter. Things are working out well with Ginnie. Earl has finally apologised (although it's a pity he didn't initiate the call himself) and hopefully both Tina and Suzy have learnt a few life lessons. I was puzzling over that expression about the Pope, thinking the answer would be a No - but your explanation made perfect sense and was delightful humour. Great chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Glad you enjoyed it, Wendy. It seems as though everything is wrapped up now, but we've only just reached the end of part 1. This is the halfway point in the story, and we will get back to what was only introduced in part 1, which is Alan and Tommy's dyslexia.
Comment from Mrs. KT
A wonderful chapter, Jim!
My biggest takeaway is the possibly that are school administrators with scruples. I admire how Earl Pinkham finally apologized to Alan; I seldom, if ever, witnessed an apology from any administrator during the 38+ years I taught in the public-school sector. The ability to apologize would have gone a long way in many situations that I witnessed.
Well-crafted and believable!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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A wonderful chapter, Jim!
My biggest takeaway is the possibly that are school administrators with scruples. I admire how Earl Pinkham finally apologized to Alan; I seldom, if ever, witnessed an apology from any administrator during the 38+ years I taught in the public-school sector. The ability to apologize would have gone a long way in many situations that I witnessed.
Well-crafted and believable!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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It's such a shame isn't it that people have such a hard time apologizing? It's not that hard to do when you know you were wrong, and it can sure go a long way in gaining back respect that may have been lost. I don't know why people are so reluctant to do it.
Thanks for your wonderful comments, diane.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, everything is working out brilliantly now for Alan and, especially in is relationship with Ginnie. Tommy is a star isn't he? I must admit I was still dwelling on the pope shitting in the woods when I came to your explanation. So I'm glad that was clarified:)) This is a real feel-good chapter, all, as ever, faultlessly written and a joy to read! Thank you, Jim. Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Wow, everything is working out brilliantly now for Alan and, especially in is relationship with Ginnie. Tommy is a star isn't he? I must admit I was still dwelling on the pope shitting in the woods when I came to your explanation. So I'm glad that was clarified:)) This is a real feel-good chapter, all, as ever, faultlessly written and a joy to read! Thank you, Jim. Debbie
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Thank you too, Debbie, for these very encouraging remarks. Seems like everything is wrapped up now, but we've just finished up with part 1, and begin part 2 with the next posting. Part 2 will get back to the dyslexia introduced in part 1, and that will become the major theme of part 2, which will culminate in some real drama. We're just halfway through the story now.
Comment from tfawcus
All still moving forward on an even keel. Good to know that Alan has plans to resume his teaching but at a higher level. Presumably part-time so he can still run the business.
Do I hear wedding bells in the offing?
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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All still moving forward on an even keel. Good to know that Alan has plans to resume his teaching but at a higher level. Presumably part-time so he can still run the business.
Do I hear wedding bells in the offing?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Wedding bells and much, much more. We are now just halfway through the story and about to begin part 2 which starts with the next posting. We'll be getting back to the other major plot, which is Alan and Tommy's dyslexia and what they can do about it. There will be some intense drama near the end.
We are now 35,000 words in, and the novel should end up at around 75,000 words. (I've written 66,000 already.)
You might be interested to read Lance's review of this chapter, Tony, as well as my response to him. He has questioned me before about the pace and about where it's going, and he's given me much food for thought. In fact, it was this review of his that made me decide to break this into two parts. It doesn't really change the story at all, but it is just a nicer way to look at the structure of the novel I think.
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I wouldn't agree with Lance that people aren't interested in the life of an ordinary man. That very much depends on what happens to him and how he deals with it, and you are right about pacing. Providing the slower parts are interesting, a reader will read them. Though I've never heard it articulated, I think there is something akin to a sine wave structure to a story but one with varying amplitude. Nonetheless, Lance's point about character arc is a good one, and the internal arc is at least as important as the external one. It's not just about overcoming obstacles but about how the experience changes the character. This is something I struggle with a lot.
I thought your reply to his comments was a good one.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice writing. Not a thing to point at.
I remember our first family computer, a Tandy.
I wonder now what in the world we would do with one (besides writing stories and novels) without the internet.
Best wishes.
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Nice writing. Not a thing to point at.
I remember our first family computer, a Tandy.
I wonder now what in the world we would do with one (besides writing stories and novels) without the internet.
Best wishes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Our first was a Tandy too, and we mostly did word processing on it, although I was a computer guy back then and developed a number of programs for it. It had a 10 MB hard drive. Can you imagine that, considering that you can now balance a 32 GB thumb drive on your finger? Pretty amazing how far we've come.
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And in 1900 Pres. McKinley closed the patent office declaring everything had already been invented.
