Living On The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Living on the Edge - Chap 8"The blending of good and evil.
19 total reviews
Comment from Esther Brown
What does the little a with the chevron mean in the last chapter review? I have seen it before and not sure how it gets there.
It was not clear Richard Harrison was muttering to himself...maybe add a "he muttered" or something after the comment.
Your story invokes strong suspicions and feelings. I really DO NOT LIKE the bad guys! I easily put myself into Layla's terror at Allie's place and her embarrassment at her party. It would be awful to be pushed into a proposal. Yuk.
Next chapter....
Es
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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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What does the little a with the chevron mean in the last chapter review? I have seen it before and not sure how it gets there.
It was not clear Richard Harrison was muttering to himself...maybe add a "he muttered" or something after the comment.
Your story invokes strong suspicions and feelings. I really DO NOT LIKE the bad guys! I easily put myself into Layla's terror at Allie's place and her embarrassment at her party. It would be awful to be pushed into a proposal. Yuk.
Next chapter....
Es
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I take it you aren't liking the story as much as you did. You've given me two fours. Can you help me out with where I've gone wrong. I would like to fix it if possible.
Thanks, Carol
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Think I answered in my other comment.
I honestly don't know how the little A thing with the triangle gets into the writing? You have not gone wrong. I think it is my learning curve on reviewing.
I read some really awful writing trying to figure out how to get points.
You are the only reviewer that gave me a concrete suggestion (I had misuse of a tense on Broken Sand Dollars). My only real suggestion was to add some descriptive word to clarify his audience. I need to re-read the whole story in order and rethink why I got lost.
Comment from Julie Helms
The action is moving very fast in your story. You could slow it down a bit, fill in with detail. But I don't know where you are aiming and how much you have to accomplish in 30,000 words. But I don't think a standard novel would move this quickly. However, the action is awesome, and very suspenseful!
his forehead and his stomach (forehead, and)
paisanos (italicize foreign terms)
this little business and then you're going to make a call to your boss (business, and)
I'm on a need to know so (need-to-know. The modified noun is implied)
Layla stares past Harrison (stared)
anyone who will calibrate that story either. (I've never heard calibrate used this way, do you mean corroborate?)
Good work! Your production pace is amazing! Julie
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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The action is moving very fast in your story. You could slow it down a bit, fill in with detail. But I don't know where you are aiming and how much you have to accomplish in 30,000 words. But I don't think a standard novel would move this quickly. However, the action is awesome, and very suspenseful!
his forehead and his stomach (forehead, and)
paisanos (italicize foreign terms)
this little business and then you're going to make a call to your boss (business, and)
I'm on a need to know so (need-to-know. The modified noun is implied)
Layla stares past Harrison (stared)
anyone who will calibrate that story either. (I've never heard calibrate used this way, do you mean corroborate?)
Good work! Your production pace is amazing! Julie
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I' think I've got story-its and my head is spinning. Remind me to never decide to enter a contest like this again. Yes, I meant corroborate..duh! I think I need to slow down.
Thanks for pointing out your suggestions. I'll get to work on them. I believe it will be hard to wrap up a novel in 30000 words and give it what it needs. Most of mine are 45 or 50 chapters. Oh, I guess we will see.
Comment from Wendy G
Those are tough guys not to be messed with. Alyssa's partner is crooked, and her sister will have absolutely no idea who she can trust. Absolutely no one! What a dramatic last sentence!
Wendy
Edit: "For your safety and your sisters ...." (sister's)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Those are tough guys not to be messed with. Alyssa's partner is crooked, and her sister will have absolutely no idea who she can trust. Absolutely no one! What a dramatic last sentence!
Wendy
Edit: "For your safety and your sisters ...." (sister's)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Yes, both Alyssa and Layla are out of their league. thanks so much for continuing to follow and enjoy.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
You sure are good at creating and sustaining excitement throughout your stories. You keep this reader on the edge of her seat, anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Good work.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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You sure are good at creating and sustaining excitement throughout your stories. You keep this reader on the edge of her seat, anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Good work.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Thank you...Just about to post the next chapter. I appreciate knowing that you feel involved in the story when you read it. Thank you so much.
Smiles, Carol
Hope you are feeling better.
Comment from BethShelby
These childhood friendship don't matter much among the hood. I don't like Richard at the this point and think he a dirty cop you was behind the order to kill Alyssa but I know your writing is full of surprises so I'll just go with the flow.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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These childhood friendship don't matter much among the hood. I don't like Richard at the this point and think he a dirty cop you was behind the order to kill Alyssa but I know your writing is full of surprises so I'll just go with the flow.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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How do you think the part with Antonio and Frankie played out? Did it sound authentic to you? One down and a few more to go...POP POP POP
Thanks for the review Beth and congratulations again on the win.
Smiles, Carol
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From what I've read and seen of gangs on television, Mob bosses think nothing of eliminating someone who is no longer useful to them. So yes, it seemed authentic.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your writing was wonderful. This was a gripping tale of of suspense. Layla's determined search for her missing sister and Antonio's descent into crime really is setting things up. The dialogue is sharp and realistic. That can be so hard to do. You did it well though and it adds depth to the characters. I loved it.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Your writing was wonderful. This was a gripping tale of of suspense. Layla's determined search for her missing sister and Antonio's descent into crime really is setting things up. The dialogue is sharp and realistic. That can be so hard to do. You did it well though and it adds depth to the characters. I loved it.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Hello, Michael Thank you for returning today to read another chapter and especially for enjoying it. I appreciate your kind comments. I'm working on Chapter 9 as we speak...Have a great day!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from JP_Ryan
I really enjoyed this, It drew me in from the start and I was in, I would happily read more and shall look out for more chapters. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I really enjoyed this, It drew me in from the start and I was in, I would happily read more and shall look out for more chapters. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Welcome aboard, JP Ryan... I appreciate you stopping by and reading a chapter of my book. I am happy it entertained you and thrilled that you might consider following it. Thanks so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
The pieces are starting to come together. I'm pretty sure Chief Harrison is giving the orders. Everybody else is caught in his mess. I'm not sure Alyssa is dead but alive and needs to be rescued before something horrible happens to her. I am also wondering if Troy could be the one working with Layla to rescue her. I do like the story.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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The pieces are starting to come together. I'm pretty sure Chief Harrison is giving the orders. Everybody else is caught in his mess. I'm not sure Alyssa is dead but alive and needs to be rescued before something horrible happens to her. I am also wondering if Troy could be the one working with Layla to rescue her. I do like the story.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Like a jigsaw puzzle. Piece by piece. Harrison has definitely got his fingers in the pie, but so far he's clever enough to get away with a lot...such as framing his own brother. The wheels of crime go round and round. Thanks for reading and the review. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from patcelaw
This is another written, chapter for your book and I enjoyed listening to it. It moves along very well. Your sentence structure and your paragraphing is well done and I enjoyed listening because of that. May you have a blessed, blessed day, and may God continue to pour our blessings on you, Patricia
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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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This is another written, chapter for your book and I enjoyed listening to it. It moves along very well. Your sentence structure and your paragraphing is well done and I enjoyed listening because of that. May you have a blessed, blessed day, and may God continue to pour our blessings on you, Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much Patricia for continuing to follow the story and leave your comments. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, Carol