What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "What We See - Chapter 14"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
19 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
I wish I had a six for you for this well written chapter, filled with drama and emotion and ethical dilemmas. I fear the nurse might have misunderstood when Tina was overheard telling him " ... killed our baby" and she will make an incorrect assumption that the baby was his.
Very complex situation.
Wendy
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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I wish I had a six for you for this well written chapter, filled with drama and emotion and ethical dilemmas. I fear the nurse might have misunderstood when Tina was overheard telling him " ... killed our baby" and she will make an incorrect assumption that the baby was his.
Very complex situation.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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No worries about the 6. This was one of my favorite chapters to write. This one and the next few. I'm happy to keep people guessing!
Comment from lancellot
Interesting. I see you chose to shine a light on the oddities and extremes within the story. That's one way to handle it. The short paragraph about kids making bad choices, then learning from them, is also a popular perspective with many. But it is different when those bad choices ruins or ends the life of another. (That's a sticking point. Alan's lack of anger makes it seem his past life wasn't that important to him. So why would it be important to the readers?) Oh well, I think this perspective is one that will appeal to many on FanStory. And a smart writer knows his audience.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Interesting. I see you chose to shine a light on the oddities and extremes within the story. That's one way to handle it. The short paragraph about kids making bad choices, then learning from them, is also a popular perspective with many. But it is different when those bad choices ruins or ends the life of another. (That's a sticking point. Alan's lack of anger makes it seem his past life wasn't that important to him. So why would it be important to the readers?) Oh well, I think this perspective is one that will appeal to many on FanStory. And a smart writer knows his audience.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Thanks very much, Lance, I think. The thing is, I'm not sure you quite get Alan yet, because you can't conceive of a guy who seems that nice, and to you uncaring about his past livelihood.
It isn't that he isn't angry about what Tina did. It's more that he doesn't want to kick a dog when it's down. He sees some real contrition in Tina. She's miserable about what she has done and fully realizes how wrong it was. If she hadn't shown to him that she was really sorry, he would not have treated her as apparently nicely as he has. He's not ready to forgive her yet until she pays some sort of penalty for what she did. Tony too. But he does understand that she's just a dumb kid.
Alan is very much like my son and myself--somewhat naive, perhaps a bit too trusting, an introvert, not always assertive, but a good solid individual who tries to see the best in people. His sense of morality is the same as mine--that forgiveness can come as long as the offender pays a penalty and expresses true regret. Unless both occur, there is no forgiveness.
I've written a 3-part essay on my views on religion and morality that I will begin posting soon, which express my feelings about this. It's a little offbeat, and should prove interesting.
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I think you have a good story, and I really think many readers on FanStory will like Alan as a character. He seems open, kindhearted, gentle, forgiving, and selfless. He even has a pet cat. That is what the readers want to see in men here. Keep writing it.
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You're right, you know. And you've nailed the reason this book probably will never make it in today's marketplace. People don't seem to want to read about good guys, even ones who will get stronger as the story unfolds. They would rather read about deeply flawed characters, smartasses, or Jack Reacher-like tough guys. I, myself, like reading about those kinds of characters.
With that being said, I've got to write about what I know best. I don't think I could pull off one of those other kinds. E J. was the closest I've come to a deeply flawed character, but even he was basically a good guy.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow. This is one chapter jsm packed. Good story telling, Jim. I found the dialogue realistic.
Not only has Tina come clean with Mr Phelps, as hard as it was for her to tell and for him to hear, I'm wondering, was the nurse who popped her head in the door and was no longer there when he turned around, was possibly Ginnie. And how much did she hear and what parts did she hear? This can provide great storytelling and reading to come.
Phew, looking forward for sure.
John
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Wow. This is one chapter jsm packed. Good story telling, Jim. I found the dialogue realistic.
Not only has Tina come clean with Mr Phelps, as hard as it was for her to tell and for him to hear, I'm wondering, was the nurse who popped her head in the door and was no longer there when he turned around, was possibly Ginnie. And how much did she hear and what parts did she hear? This can provide great storytelling and reading to come.
Phew, looking forward for sure.
John
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Thanks, John. Some good speculating there, but I'm happy to keep you guessing.
Comment from BethShelby
It is quite a story, but I don't think if I was Tony, I would want to be there with her daughter when the mother arrives. She already thinks he a pervert, and she could think he is in love with her daughter since he's been there so long. Apparently Tina's mother doesn't know she was pregnant yet. It is good writing and I'm anxious to see in what direction you will be taking it.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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It is quite a story, but I don't think if I was Tony, I would want to be there with her daughter when the mother arrives. She already thinks he a pervert, and she could think he is in love with her daughter since he's been there so long. Apparently Tina's mother doesn't know she was pregnant yet. It is good writing and I'm anxious to see in what direction you will be taking it.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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I think you mean Alan instead of Tony, but you're right. He is reluctant about that. Now, if only Tina sticks to the real story!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Wow! What a tale. I hope Alan does NOT try to dissuade Tina from telling the truth (and having Tony arrested).
Alan should endeavor to have his name cleared even if he chooses to remain a repairman.
Well written. Good work.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Wow! What a tale. I hope Alan does NOT try to dissuade Tina from telling the truth (and having Tony arrested).
Alan should endeavor to have his name cleared even if he chooses to remain a repairman.
Well written. Good work.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2024
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Well, he's not a complete dumbass, only maybe a partial one! Things could definitely go sideways for him still, and he runs the risk of Tina changing her story. What's your best guess?
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Tina's parents influence her not to come clean.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
The nurse was Ginnie, I imagine, and now she thinks that Alan is the father of the baby! Oh dear! Just as one situation starts to be resolved, another headache begins. This spells real trouble for Alan's friendship both with Ginnie and Tommy. Your story moves at great pace and neatly ties up the loose ends so that we know for sure that Alan is completely innocent. I hope he's got his wits about him though because, if he's going to explain himself to Ginnie, he's also going to have to admit that he lied to her. An excellent read, Jim! Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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The nurse was Ginnie, I imagine, and now she thinks that Alan is the father of the baby! Oh dear! Just as one situation starts to be resolved, another headache begins. This spells real trouble for Alan's friendship both with Ginnie and Tommy. Your story moves at great pace and neatly ties up the loose ends so that we know for sure that Alan is completely innocent. I hope he's got his wits about him though because, if he's going to explain himself to Ginnie, he's also going to have to admit that he lied to her. An excellent read, Jim! Take care Debbie
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks so much, Debbie. You're right; it could be going from bad to worse. This is going to take a few more chapters to fully resolve, and I hope everyone will learn some lessons from this.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Great job getting the truth out. I am wondering where it'll go from here. I can't wait to see what happens now. Good story.
After a few seconds, she continued.
"Now comes the bad part. I thought I loved & but I looked back and told her to continue.
"Mom was so angry that she said the two of us would go to Mr. Pinkham (comma after 'continued,' and move the dialogue closer)
Tina resumed her story. "You were fired, and time went by. (comma after 'story,')
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Great job getting the truth out. I am wondering where it'll go from here. I can't wait to see what happens now. Good story.
After a few seconds, she continued.
"Now comes the bad part. I thought I loved & but I looked back and told her to continue.
"Mom was so angry that she said the two of us would go to Mr. Pinkham (comma after 'continued,' and move the dialogue closer)
Tina resumed her story. "You were fired, and time went by. (comma after 'story,')
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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So glad I've captured your interest with this, Barbara. It's going to take four or five more chapters until we can put this whole sorry episode to rest.
Thanks for your suggestions.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Jim,
A very taut and cohesive chapter.
Whew!
The "you know what" is going to hit the "you know what" when and if Tina's mother arrives.
I taught high school students for more years than I can remember at the moment. The presented scenario and dialogue as well as the thinking process of Tina is realistic... unfortunately...
Looking forward to your next installment!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Hello, Jim,
A very taut and cohesive chapter.
Whew!
The "you know what" is going to hit the "you know what" when and if Tina's mother arrives.
I taught high school students for more years than I can remember at the moment. The presented scenario and dialogue as well as the thinking process of Tina is realistic... unfortunately...
Looking forward to your next installment!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much, diane, for the wonderful review and the 6 stars. You've certainly got that right that there will be a few tense moments and surprises as different people find out about this. This whole episode won't be completely put to rest until five more chapters.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Hormonal boys are the worst. Selfish and horny. She wasn't much better. She was willing to tar him, get him fired, perhaps having him barred from teaching.
She will have to face some charges herself. He will have to face Tommy and his Mom. Now. Good writing. Karen
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Hormonal boys are the worst. Selfish and horny. She wasn't much better. She was willing to tar him, get him fired, perhaps having him barred from teaching.
She will have to face some charges herself. He will have to face Tommy and his Mom. Now. Good writing. Karen
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Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Pretty awful, right? Pretty poor excuse for ruining a man's life. Unfortunately, we've heard this sort of thing in the news before, and it's often ruinous for the victim. Unless they have some inner resilience to get through it. The worst of it is probably over for Alan, but you never know.
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If Tommy and his Mom can forgive him, he will be fine. But Ginny might not be able to get over his lies. Karen
