Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

Kudos, Tony, for another exceptionally well-crafted chapter.
What stands out for me is your incredibly perceptive understanding of women, who, when wanting to make a point in a "man's world," often come across as sounding boorish or defensive:
'I don't ask you, and as for the depth of my pockets, I find the phrase unnecessarily chauvinistic, but we'll let that pass. The truth is that I don't know precisely how much money I have at my disposal or how much of it I'm prepared to invest. At this stage, I'm asking you to research the options available to me, so I know where I stand when I approach Mr Chanarong. That's all.'

Excellent dialogue...
Oh... and also smiled at "Crafty and Subtle."

Much enjoyed.
diane

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks, Diane. I've had plenty of experience of being a boorish British male, teaching in an almost exclusively female environment.
Australian women have been pretty good at putting me back in my box with their comebacks!
So glad you're continuing to enjoy this.
All good wishes, Tony.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Your story is getting very mysterious. I want to know how much money she is getting. Is she going to be well off after helping Bapit
And Abhamaru?

I'm glad she is taking care of them, I think nobody else would.

Well done, Tony. I can't wait for the next one.

Gypsy

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks very much for your review, Gypsy. I hope she doesn't get diverted by her attraction to Steve and enjoyment of the Sydney nightlife. She may have some hard decisions to make. All good wishes, as always, Tony

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

So glad to be on track with this chapter. All very exciting and you confirmed my suspicion about Bruno's finance handlers. Noticing only single expression marks...should be double and in the following missing even single. (")Surely, in that case, i

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks very much for your review, Geoffrey, and for picking up the missing inverted comma.
I'm using the UK standard for quotes in this, which is single quotes, except when quoting within a quote, when it is double. This is the exact opposite of the US standard. Most confusing! I'm also using 'curly' quotes rather than straight ones, which is a nightmare here on FS.

reply by Sankey on 24-Feb-2024

Friends from near you are visiting up here atm. Live near Willunga.

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Knowing Ayesha had ties (through her deceased husband) to the underground could well be a red flag Steve better be cautious of. That could lead him into dangerous territory he may not escape from.

"Charity begins at home" is a cliche. So is the loose interpretation of the Doris Day "Que Sera Sera" line "whatever would be would be".

Seems Ayesha may be after more than just an attorney to handle her finances. She may be man-hunting as well.

Ayesha sure got defensive at Steve's suggestion of a possible partnership. Possible indication of the "tigress" inside her?

Ending lends towards major issues ahead for Ayesha.

Story remains very interesting and full of action as Ayesha plans her elephant rescue.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks for another useful review, Brett. I take on board your comment about the cliches and will have another look. This is always a bit of a dilemma for me. I try to avoid them in narrative but not so much in dialogue, for people tend to use them when they are talking to each other and it seems more natural. All good wishes, Tony

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

I'm really worried about Ayesha, she is such an innocent young lady. I think Steve is perfect to handle her financial affairs, but she still needs to build up some hardness to be able to cope with what surely is coming from her late husbands 'friends'. Excellent chapter, Tony. Well done! :)) Sandra xx

(')Surely, in that case, it would be more sensible to find

'No, just me and one other person...
'When you say 'we', who else is involved? Are we talking...
(line space needed before the start of Steve's reply

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks very much for your kind words, Sandra. Also for picking up the couple of SPAGs, which I've now corrected. I appreciate your sharp eye! All good wishes, Tony

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 23-Feb-2024

You're very welcome, Tony. I love this story, I think it's your best one so far!

reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

That's lovely to hear, Sandra. Maybe after ten years on FS, I'm beginning to gain a little more skill! I'm still going around in circles with The Ponyfish, rewriting and editing it, but am beginning to think it may be irretrievable. I seem to have hit a brick wall with The Orphan's Tale as well but may go back to it eventually and see if I can make a decent short story of it.

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 23-Feb-2024

I would leave The Orphan's Tale until you have finished this book. After a good break from it, pick it up again and you will find your imaginative and very creative juices will flow again. I had that problem with my Time Travel Trilogy. The one book ended up as three in the end. You have a good start with that book it would be a shame to waste it. xx

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I'm worried Ayesha is going to get herself into trouble tonight. I do hope all she has is fun. I am curious about Steve. He seems like almost too nice of a person go be involved in anything shady. I hope he will really help Ayesha out and not take advantage of her money. I really like this story and couldn't find any way to improve it.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks so much for continuing to follow this story, Barbara. I appreciate your interest and supportive comments. All good wishes, Tony

Comment from Jim Wile

Excellent

No 6s left or this would get one. Wow, what an enjoyable chapter, Tony. We got to see a very human side to Ayesha. I loved how she responded when Steve appeared to overstep his bounds at lunch, but then had second thoughts about coming on too strong with this quote: "She watched his not unattractive rear end disappear down the street and cursed herself. Why did she have to be so damned defensive?" Very realistic.

I also loved her banter with Steve, including her "lipsy toyer" spoonerism as well as the banter with her friends at the end of the chapter.

Just so many believable parts to this chapter, including Steve's boss's good advice to him about his new client. Wise words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surely, in that case, it would be more sensible to find Abhamaru a good home... ' -- Missing the beginning quote.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Many thanks for your encouraging words, Jim. So glad you are continuing to enjoy this story. Thanks, too, for picking up the missing quote mark, which I've now inserted. All good wishes, Tony

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Exceptional

I very much enjoyed the toyer of lips comment, and the lawyer firm nickname and the six stars is for those as much as for my surprise at how easily Ken handed over the account to Steve. That was unexpected behaviour for me. kay

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks, very much for your observation about Ken handing over the account so easily. Maybe I need to look at that again. He is, of course, continuing to deal with the deceased estate, as Bruno appointed him as the executor. I appreciate the sixth star. Most generous!
All good wishes, Tony

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Poor Ayesha entering a new world of financial lawyers but she's good to connect with the younger and more innocent partner, Steve. I liked that he had that talk with his partner and was on guard.
But now that both Steve and Ayesha have some physical attraction, it does confuse Ayesha's feelings for Bapit.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks very much for your review and comments, Helen. Yes, Ayesha is clearly being pulled in two directions. Knowing her preference for bodily perfection and her familiarity with and enjoyment of the Sydney scene, she has some hard decisions to make. Bapit is maimed, poor, and from a culturally different background. One wonders if her love is strong enough to override all of that.

Comment from Jacob1395

Excellent

I can feel Ayesha's desire to protect the elephant coming through really strongly in her dialogue, but I'm really worried about what's going to happen to her, and what her husband has planned. An excellent, well written chapter Tony. I really enjoyed it.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024

Thanks very much for your review, Jacob. I appreciate your interest and your comments about Ayesha. So glad you are continuing to enjoy the story. All good wishes, Tony