Childrens poem - Snap Snap!
A tale of a very hungry crocodile15 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
The rhyme scheme is very good, and it is a children's poem, so I get that no animal was actually eaten. not sure about the ending though, considering no animal was eaten. If anything, I would caution against the length, as kids have a short attention span.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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The rhyme scheme is very good, and it is a children's poem, so I get that no animal was actually eaten. not sure about the ending though, considering no animal was eaten. If anything, I would caution against the length, as kids have a short attention span.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hi Lancellot, Not sure what you mean about the ending - can you just clarify for me? That would be really helpful. Noted about the length - it?s designed to be a full picture book. Thanks so much for your review.
With best wishes
Caroline
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?Snap Snap? went the hungry crocodile
He wouldn?t need a meal for quite a while!
-It say the croc at a piece of wood. Then the next line describes him as 'hungry' with good reason.
Then the last line says: He wouldn't need a meal for quite a while. That is the confusing part.
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Aah! I get you now - thanks for clarifying. It was meant to show that the crocodile was full because he?d eaten a log of wood - but he was still hungry - he just couldn?t fit anything else in his tum!
Thanks again Lancellot.
Best wishes
Caroline
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Well done, I enjoyed the rhyed poetry. One thing;
Stanza four, shore and paw do not rhyme.
(So he waited patiently by the shore,
And into the water was dipped a paw,)
How about:
So he waited patiently by the shore,
He waited for a taper or a wild boar ?
Good work here. Karen
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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Well done, I enjoyed the rhyed poetry. One thing;
Stanza four, shore and paw do not rhyme.
(So he waited patiently by the shore,
And into the water was dipped a paw,)
How about:
So he waited patiently by the shore,
He waited for a taper or a wild boar ?
Good work here. Karen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hi Karen,
Thanks for reviewing another poem - much appreciated. Your review made me laugh too - it never occurred to me that paw and shore don?t rhyme - they do here in the UK! How funny - that things don?t translate across the pond!
Thanks again Karen,
All the best
Caroline
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This is not the first time pronunciation has been a blunder on my part. Sorry. Trying to help. When you review me, since I am from Texas, I bet some of my words don't rhyme for you! Karen
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Not a blunder at all Karen, I?ve just been sitting here trying to work out how you say paw. Anyone watching me would think Im a nutter! 😂
I will certainly bear that in mind too!
Best wishes and thanks again!
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For me, paw rhymes with: awe, caw, daw, jaw, law,maw,raw,saw,slaw, and claw. Shore rhymes with abhore, bore, core, door, Eyore, four, gorem lore, moar, noir, poor, rower, store, tore, and wore. Just so you know.
:-) Karen
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How fascinating, for me all those rhymes words with each other apart from moar, noir, and rower. I?ll be listening to lots of Texan speech to educate myself this week!
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well, from time to time someone tries to correct me too. I forget non southerners pronounce things differently.
:-) Karen
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I shall look forward to learning more about how our language differs. Best wishes and good luck Karen
Caroline
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That is a good picture. Here is an odd thing, Most all of the fans from Great Britain are blondes. Odd, that. Karen
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Aha, yes it is indeed. It must be because blondes have more fun writing poetry!
Although I always wanted red hair! Caroline
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My hair is dark Auburn. I took Cosmotology in high school so we all had to volunteer for a procedure. I let them dye my hair red, Copper Penny was the name of the color. I had prepared my folks so when I came home with it, after the first shock, I kept it.I have been many colors of red through the years but, I had green eyes, pale skin. freckles in summer, and a temper. Red is me! I tried blonde once, I looked awful. Karen
Comment from Sally Law
Welcome to FanStory, Caroline! I so enjoyed your delightful children's poem. Please tell me you're going to publish this. It's just precious.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally Law :))
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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Welcome to FanStory, Caroline! I so enjoyed your delightful children's poem. Please tell me you're going to publish this. It's just precious.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally Law :))
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Hi Sally, thanks so much for your review. I?m so happy you enjoyed it.
The poem is available in children?s format with illustrations on a website I have set up. The website enables people to create a personalised narration in their own voice which is automatically overlaid onto a beautifully illustrated digital storybook. We work with children?s hospices so children and hear a storybook read in the comforting voice of granny or a sister or classmate who cannot be with them in the hospice. We also work with ALS associations so that people who lose their voice to this terrible disease can create story narrations whilst they can still speak and which can be kept as a forever memory.
I will be seeking investment from angel investors this year so we can grow the business. However, I mostly never mention that I am the primary writer and find it difficult to talk about my writing credentials - this is the main reason I joined FanStory to see if I can build my confidence talking about being a writer - it?s easier when you feel you are using someone else?s words to talk about yourself rather than your own!
Having said that I would absolutely love to see my poem published and hold a copy on my hand! Perhaps I will follow this up if I get some positive comments!
Sorry Sally that was a very long answer to your short question!
Thanks so much for your review. It?s lovely to hear your thoughts.
With my best wishes
Caroline
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My pleasure and no worries about the long response. I?m a blind writer and I?m published. I?m also on Audible. If I can do it, you certainly can. This website is a great place to connect and to get feedback and resources etc. I wish you the very best with this, Caroline.
Are you fanning other poets and making fan friends on here?
Comment from Wy Jung
Six stars simply because 5 stars has somehow become the norm ...and this is a step above the norm. After reviewing 5 in a row that were regular, this one got me so happy!
I laughed and shook my head merrily at the cleverness of the rhyme... and of course the silly ending. I loved it! This is what I am here for. Well done Caroline!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Six stars simply because 5 stars has somehow become the norm ...and this is a step above the norm. After reviewing 5 in a row that were regular, this one got me so happy!
I laughed and shook my head merrily at the cleverness of the rhyme... and of course the silly ending. I loved it! This is what I am here for. Well done Caroline!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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I?m so I glad it made you laugh. I loved writing it. Words are so amazing aren?t they! I love the tension between words, the tiny nuances in meaning and how some words seem to have a joy being associated with other words!
Thanks so much. I am trying to build my confidence about my writing and saying I am a writer, so this is review is a fabulous read which really helps!
Thanks so much. 😊
Comment from Yusita
This was a brilliant write. It was like a storybook story but told with such eloquence and wonderful flow, sprinkled with humor and clever lines. Truly a great piece! Loved the ending of the story. Ha!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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This was a brilliant write. It was like a storybook story but told with such eloquence and wonderful flow, sprinkled with humor and clever lines. Truly a great piece! Loved the ending of the story. Ha!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Thank you Yusita! So happy you enjoyed it!
With thanks and best wishes
Caroline