Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Panpipes - Chapter 11"A Novella
24 total reviews
Comment from estory
This chapter really has two parts; the scene in the hospital, which I feel was pretty strong, and then the scene with the lawyer in which Ayesha finds herself at the mercy of legal knots. I like how you get us to feel Bapit's frustration, his humiliation in front of a woman he loves, he desires, and also her distaste of him in some way without his leg. You brought that out through that dream sequence. I thought the dialogue was pretty tense at some points but then we seem moving through this joint learning experience, him learning to walk again, she learning the musical instrument, and that warms their relationship back up. It delves into the real issues of dealing with losing a limb, it doesn't shy away from difficult feelings arroused by that. estory
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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This chapter really has two parts; the scene in the hospital, which I feel was pretty strong, and then the scene with the lawyer in which Ayesha finds herself at the mercy of legal knots. I like how you get us to feel Bapit's frustration, his humiliation in front of a woman he loves, he desires, and also her distaste of him in some way without his leg. You brought that out through that dream sequence. I thought the dialogue was pretty tense at some points but then we seem moving through this joint learning experience, him learning to walk again, she learning the musical instrument, and that warms their relationship back up. It delves into the real issues of dealing with losing a limb, it doesn't shy away from difficult feelings arroused by that. estory
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much for your affirming comments about this chapter, estory. I was hoping to give a bit more depth to both characters here, and am glad it worked for you. Sorry to have been so long in responding. Life gets in the way of art! LOL All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Mark Ness
Awesome chapter I've been looking to read more even though. My house is surrounded by books I don't open them just pack and unpack them. So happy to read this well structured and easy to read and to catch up on from the previous chapter notes and the cast of characters list. It is so coincidental that I opened this for review and recognized your profile as you reviewed one of mine seven years ago (orange guy) I'm going to dive into writing and needed structure guidance and your work is the examples I need. Good to see your face again as it is the first one I saw as I opened fan story account after those years away. Mysterious ways from above "Wow" Mark Ness...
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Awesome chapter I've been looking to read more even though. My house is surrounded by books I don't open them just pack and unpack them. So happy to read this well structured and easy to read and to catch up on from the previous chapter notes and the cast of characters list. It is so coincidental that I opened this for review and recognized your profile as you reviewed one of mine seven years ago (orange guy) I'm going to dive into writing and needed structure guidance and your work is the examples I need. Good to see your face again as it is the first one I saw as I opened fan story account after those years away. Mysterious ways from above "Wow" Mark Ness...
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Mark. Great to hear from you again. I appreciate your review and positive comments. Sorry to have been so long in responding. Life gets in the way of art! LOL All good wishes, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I do hope Ayesha gets herself a good lawyer or the will be taken advantage of. It seems everybody is crooked. I am happy that her and Bapit are making up. I do hope at some point they are able to discuss honestly what happened between them. I really like this story. Good writing.
He felt sure that he would never learn to balance again. (you can omit 'that', it's not needed here.)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I do hope Ayesha gets herself a good lawyer or the will be taken advantage of. It seems everybody is crooked. I am happy that her and Bapit are making up. I do hope at some point they are able to discuss honestly what happened between them. I really like this story. Good writing.
He felt sure that he would never learn to balance again. (you can omit 'that', it's not needed here.)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I appreciate your comments and encouragement, Barbara. Thanks for the catch. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from GWHARGIS
Your research on the financial matter she has to go through is top notch. Estate law is a very mysterious and tricky world. I was relieved that she was able to reconnect with Bapit. This continues to draw me in. Gretchen
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Your research on the financial matter she has to go through is top notch. Estate law is a very mysterious and tricky world. I was relieved that she was able to reconnect with Bapit. This continues to draw me in. Gretchen
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Gretchen. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Jacob1395
I'm really glad to see that Ayesha has visited Bapit and is trying to help him on his road to recovery. I could really feel Bapit's frustration and I hope he'll continue to improve. Another excellent chapter. I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I'm really glad to see that Ayesha has visited Bapit and is trying to help him on his road to recovery. I could really feel Bapit's frustration and I hope he'll continue to improve. Another excellent chapter. I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Jacob. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Jim Wile
I loved how this chapter went, Tony. The pan pipes played a significant role in Bapit's recovery and in bringing him and Ayesha back together. It was very smart of her to use them in this way.
You gave us a little more feeling for why Bapit's behavior that night, which he sorely regrets, was so frightening to Ayesha, and she had such a strong reaction to it. I wonder if we'll ever hear Bapit apologize for and try to explain his behavior toward her. She seems to sense that nothing bad was meant by it and that didn't represent the real Bapit.
And now we've got the intrigue of Ayesha's inheritance, knowing that Bruno is not really dead.
I also like how you had Ayesha remind Bapit of the current status of the elephant. I also really liked the lyrical way you wrote about Ayesha's dream. That was very well done. This is all moving along at a well-balanced clip. - Jim
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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I loved how this chapter went, Tony. The pan pipes played a significant role in Bapit's recovery and in bringing him and Ayesha back together. It was very smart of her to use them in this way.
You gave us a little more feeling for why Bapit's behavior that night, which he sorely regrets, was so frightening to Ayesha, and she had such a strong reaction to it. I wonder if we'll ever hear Bapit apologize for and try to explain his behavior toward her. She seems to sense that nothing bad was meant by it and that didn't represent the real Bapit.
And now we've got the intrigue of Ayesha's inheritance, knowing that Bruno is not really dead.
I also like how you had Ayesha remind Bapit of the current status of the elephant. I also really liked the lyrical way you wrote about Ayesha's dream. That was very well done. This is all moving along at a well-balanced clip. - Jim
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Jim. I appreciate the time you have taken to respond in such depth to this chapter. Your comments provide great encouragement, so does the sixth star. Most generous.
All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from royowen
Ayesha flys to Thailand to seek out Bapit and find out what he's dining, not well she discovers, but then she tries to play the flute and discovers there's a parallel mission they shar, he learning to walk, and she learning the flute, she journeys back to Sydney to discover she's a wealthy woman with those things in joint names, beautifully written Tony, blessnngs Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Ayesha flys to Thailand to seek out Bapit and find out what he's dining, not well she discovers, but then she tries to play the flute and discovers there's a parallel mission they shar, he learning to walk, and she learning the flute, she journeys back to Sydney to discover she's a wealthy woman with those things in joint names, beautifully written Tony, blessnngs Roy
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much for this chapter summary, Roy, and for your kind words. All good wishes, Tony.
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Most welcome Tony,
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice chapter.
"Tripping a trotting tarantella off the tongue" - quite the alliteration!
sallow, awhirl, oily man - quite the picturesque language. Good work.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Nice chapter.
"Tripping a trotting tarantella off the tongue" - quite the alliteration!
sallow, awhirl, oily man - quite the picturesque language. Good work.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Wayne. I appreacite your review and positive comments. Sorry to have been so long in responding. Life in the way of art! LOL
All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hello, my friend,
I see you've given me another chapter to read and digest. The playing of the pipes was great, and I suddenly understood the story's deeper meaning.
I have to tell you that this was my favorite paragraph:
He looked her up and down over the top of a pair of half-rimmed reading glasses. Ayesha had the uneasy feeling he was mentally stripping her, peeling away layers of artifice to assess her human worth. She felt violated and immediately put up a defensive wall. Seating herself demurely on the edge of a chair, she smoothed down the front of her skirt in an attempt to regain her composure. The physical expanse of the mahogany desk that lay between her and Mr Suttle helped to reinforce the mental barrier.
The wording is delicious and let me see the scene. Well done. I can't wait to see how the rest of this goes.
Thank you for sharing,
~MP~
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Hello, my friend,
I see you've given me another chapter to read and digest. The playing of the pipes was great, and I suddenly understood the story's deeper meaning.
I have to tell you that this was my favorite paragraph:
He looked her up and down over the top of a pair of half-rimmed reading glasses. Ayesha had the uneasy feeling he was mentally stripping her, peeling away layers of artifice to assess her human worth. She felt violated and immediately put up a defensive wall. Seating herself demurely on the edge of a chair, she smoothed down the front of her skirt in an attempt to regain her composure. The physical expanse of the mahogany desk that lay between her and Mr Suttle helped to reinforce the mental barrier.
The wording is delicious and let me see the scene. Well done. I can't wait to see how the rest of this goes.
Thank you for sharing,
~MP~
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much, Patty, for your review and for pointing out your favourite passage. It's always good to know what is working well. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Ulla
Indeed, Ayesha is entering a world she knows nothing about , and I have a feeling she won't bloke what she's about to learn. But I'm sure she will learn what kind of person her late husband really was.
I loved the part with Bapit in the hospital. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Indeed, Ayesha is entering a world she knows nothing about , and I have a feeling she won't bloke what she's about to learn. But I'm sure she will learn what kind of person her late husband really was.
I loved the part with Bapit in the hospital. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Ulla. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. All good wishes, Tony
