What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "What We See - Chapter 1"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
22 total reviews
Comment from Carol Clark2
A gripping story, Jim. I wish you had not stated at the top that David is wrongly accused. That doesn't give the reader a chance to figure out who's telling the truth. I'll be looking for the next chapter. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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A gripping story, Jim. I wish you had not stated at the top that David is wrongly accused. That doesn't give the reader a chance to figure out who's telling the truth. I'll be looking for the next chapter. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 08-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Carol. I debated whether or not to say that, but I thought it would be okay because this is only a sub-plot of the story and not the main thrust of it. You'll find out in the next chapter anyway that he's a good guy wrongly accused.
Comment from royowen
This is why capable males are staying away from traching because, in this dirty minded world a little bit of mud sticks, and these things always favour the female complainant, and even if these things are unproved, there's always the accusation that hangs over, you would have to have dine some research into this Jim. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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This is why capable males are staying away from traching because, in this dirty minded world a little bit of mud sticks, and these things always favour the female complainant, and even if these things are unproved, there's always the accusation that hangs over, you would have to have dine some research into this Jim. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Roy. I did some on this subject, yes, but in reality, this will be a sub-plot to the main theme which will come out in a few more chapters.
I agree, this is a terrible thing, and it's very hard to regain your reputation once it has been besmirched, even though you may be innocent. People seem to see what they want to see, and people like scandal.
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Wicked is the heart Jim.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Oh wow to be accused of sexual abuse and when you're not guilty it's super bad cuz it can ruin a person's life forever even when proved innocent but he is guilty then very in a deep hole. Super well written very engaging I wanted to go and find out the truth right away so that's a sign of a good writer and that you are completely talented thank you very much for this submission is fine reading I wanted to read more I hope you have a great night and all is well with you!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Oh wow to be accused of sexual abuse and when you're not guilty it's super bad cuz it can ruin a person's life forever even when proved innocent but he is guilty then very in a deep hole. Super well written very engaging I wanted to go and find out the truth right away so that's a sign of a good writer and that you are completely talented thank you very much for this submission is fine reading I wanted to read more I hope you have a great night and all is well with you!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much, Lea. You're so kind!
I left chapter 1 with a bit of mystery, but you'll form an opinion fairly quickly in chapter 2 about who's telling the truth. I've only written two chapters so far, and I'm not sure exactly where it will go after that. I only have some vague ideas for this story and haven't plotted it out.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Clearly a trap. I can see several possible motivations for her deviance": "About two weeks ago, she came to my house one evening. I was alone, grading papers, when she rang the doorbell. She claimed that she was having trouble with a few concepts in the class and needed help. I told her I could meet her after school the next day--at school--and I could help her then, but she said it concerned the test I was giving the next day, and that would be too late." You could have some back story here too. It's good. How about some information the reader is privy to that the characters are not. Good work. Keep going.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Clearly a trap. I can see several possible motivations for her deviance": "About two weeks ago, she came to my house one evening. I was alone, grading papers, when she rang the doorbell. She claimed that she was having trouble with a few concepts in the class and needed help. I told her I could meet her after school the next day--at school--and I could help her then, but she said it concerned the test I was giving the next day, and that would be too late." You could have some back story here too. It's good. How about some information the reader is privy to that the characters are not. Good work. Keep going.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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That's an interesting idea, Liz. Not quite sure how to do that in a first person POV novel, but I'll put some thought into it. Thanks for reading.
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maybe you could have over heard or someone told you because they knew you were such a good person being framed
I know this isn't my original 3rd person narrator or an omniscient but another angle.
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maybe you could have over heard or someone told you because they knew you were such a good person being framed
I know this isn't my original 3rd person narrator or an omniscient but another angle.
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Now, you've got me thinking. How about if you wear a wire and trap her somehow? Possibilities are endless
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Yeah, I don't really want to do that because I need David to get fired to get to the real theme of the book later. Thanks for the idea, though, Liz.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this first chapter with us. You are attacking very difficult subject here. I can't wait to see where you take it. I will be interested in reading.
I was the coach of the team, (passive, I coached the team, active)
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thank you for sharing this first chapter with us. You are attacking very difficult subject here. I can't wait to see where you take it. I will be interested in reading.
I was the coach of the team, (passive, I coached the team, active)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Barbara. Glad it caught your attention. I expect this will take a little longer to write than my golf stories. They tended to come pretty fast. I've written some non-golf stories, but this will be the first novel. I hope I'm up to it.
It's interesting, because this part will actually be more of a sub-plot to the main theme which will take a little while to develop. Hope to put some romance in here too.
Comment from Navada
As a teacher, this story gave me the chills. It's not uncommon for students to behave inappropriately with their teachers and these days protocols are so tight about being left alone with them and for very good reason to protect both parties. David is unfortunately guilty of very poor judgement in answering the door to Carla and it seems like he's probably going to pay dearly for it. I'm interested to know what really happened with Carla. I have some suspicions.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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As a teacher, this story gave me the chills. It's not uncommon for students to behave inappropriately with their teachers and these days protocols are so tight about being left alone with them and for very good reason to protect both parties. David is unfortunately guilty of very poor judgement in answering the door to Carla and it seems like he's probably going to pay dearly for it. I'm interested to know what really happened with Carla. I have some suspicions.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks for your insightful review, Navada. David is a bit naive and trusting, but he will learn the world can be a tough and disappointing place.
Comment from Ulla
Well, first of all I would like to say that this is very well written, Jim. The theme is world old and my gut reaction was that David was set up by the the girl. Now I'm not so sure. You leave it on a great cliffhanger. I'll need to read on.
I write on the sly as well, which I quite like. I never know where my story is going. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Well, first of all I would like to say that this is very well written, Jim. The theme is world old and my gut reaction was that David was set up by the the girl. Now I'm not so sure. You leave it on a great cliffhanger. I'll need to read on.
I write on the sly as well, which I quite like. I never know where my story is going. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much, Ulla, for your great review and the 6 stars. So, you are a pantser too. (Are you familiar with that term? If not, it means you write by the seat of your pants rather than being a plotter who plots everything out in advance.)
What occurred won't actually be the main thrust of the story but more a sub-plot and will force David into the new direction his life will take.
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Yes, I'm a pantser as well. I have a general idea and then I get on with it letting the story take its own course. It often surprises me what happens. So I'm looking forward to follow David on his journey. Ulla:)))
Comment from jmdg1954
Jim.
Quite the change of pace. It shows your versatility as a writer.
Your chapter one drew me in. I have no clue of guilt or innocence as of now, nor should we!
One suggestion... early on maybe give the reader an indication of David's age. I thought by reading this, he was older. Maybe something like he's four or five years into his teaching career or has just achieved tenure. Just a thought...
Keep going!
John
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Jim.
Quite the change of pace. It shows your versatility as a writer.
Your chapter one drew me in. I have no clue of guilt or innocence as of now, nor should we!
One suggestion... early on maybe give the reader an indication of David's age. I thought by reading this, he was older. Maybe something like he's four or five years into his teaching career or has just achieved tenure. Just a thought...
Keep going!
John
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks, John. Good suggestion. I've put a physical description of him, including his age, right at the beginning of the next chapter. Do you think that will be soon enough?
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That?ll work. Keep the reader guessing?
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Not for long, though.
Comment from Wendy G
As one of my uncles was a school headmaster who was accused by his stepdaughter of inappropriate touching, and subsequently lost his job and his marriage, I can relate to this story. She later confessed she was angry because he wouldn't let her go out with her boyfriend, but the damage was done. Looking forward to reading more. Very well written. Realistic and dramatic.
Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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As one of my uncles was a school headmaster who was accused by his stepdaughter of inappropriate touching, and subsequently lost his job and his marriage, I can relate to this story. She later confessed she was angry because he wouldn't let her go out with her boyfriend, but the damage was done. Looking forward to reading more. Very well written. Realistic and dramatic.
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much, Wendy. So, you have a real understanding of what this part of the story is about. It's horrible when you think about it that a reputation can so easily be destroyed. I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle's experience. Stinkin' kids!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Oh my, this is a surprise, and you drew me in as a fly to a web. The only missing piece is a picture of Carla as your lead-in. I don't know how you do that and not be sued. Good luck, and keep your head down.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Oh my, this is a surprise, and you drew me in as a fly to a web. The only missing piece is a picture of Carla as your lead-in. I don't know how you do that and not be sued. Good luck, and keep your head down.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Great! I appreciate that, Tom. You'll get a better physical description of both Carla and David at the beginning of the next chapter.
