Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Panpipes - Chapter 9"A Novella
25 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Another great chapter, mate and can't wait to see where it all is heading. Wondering how customs did not question the urn but I guess that is a sneaky way of geting the drugs through.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Another great chapter, mate and can't wait to see where it all is heading. Wondering how customs did not question the urn but I guess that is a sneaky way of geting the drugs through.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks for your comments and the sixth star, Geoffrey. The customs slip up might have been a bit of a blunder, or maybe not...
Comment from Jim Wile
Suttikul's plan seems to be working well as the drug swap has been made with the urns. They seem to have all the details planned well, but we know Ayesha is likely to foil things eventually.
It sounds like she's coming around a bit concerning Bapit and that she is genuinely concerned about the loss of his leg. And then there's the part of the story concerning the elephant. You've got a nice combination of plots that keep it interesting and suspenseful here, Tony. I'm enjoying this story. - Jim
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Suttikul's plan seems to be working well as the drug swap has been made with the urns. They seem to have all the details planned well, but we know Ayesha is likely to foil things eventually.
It sounds like she's coming around a bit concerning Bapit and that she is genuinely concerned about the loss of his leg. And then there's the part of the story concerning the elephant. You've got a nice combination of plots that keep it interesting and suspenseful here, Tony. I'm enjoying this story. - Jim
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks for your comments and support, Jim. Glad your still enjoying it.
Comment from Soledadpaz
My, that Major Suttikul sure wants her out of town fast. Though I'm not too familiar with her character yet, her saying: 'hold your horses' strikes me as odd. Unless perhaps that is a common saying from where she comes from. She'd come across as a little more refined. Perhaps I've misread her character so far.
"lodger in his own house" Excellent phrasing and imagery. We can all relate to being so busy that our home becomes a pit stop.
The next paragraph comes across as addressing the reader. We had been in Kamul's head, then the POV abruptly changes. Perhaps provide this information from the major's POV as he ponders the change in the urn's contents and the hope that Kamul not wearing gloves will have no detrimental effect on him. Perhaps place that paragraph first and then transition to Kamul's POV as he drives to pick up Mrs. Davidson with the urn.
Nice turn of phrase: the blue rinse set.
Would they be serving meals on the aircraft when they are on approach and preparing to land? Especially if it is about to get tossed around like a toy.
Suggest delete: "but why should they?" from the last sentence. It kind of dilutes the suspense that the first part of the sentence builds.
Lots happening in this chapter. We get a fuller picture of how evil Bruno is. Perfect choice of name for him. Makes me think of the word: brute.
My two cents,
Sol
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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My, that Major Suttikul sure wants her out of town fast. Though I'm not too familiar with her character yet, her saying: 'hold your horses' strikes me as odd. Unless perhaps that is a common saying from where she comes from. She'd come across as a little more refined. Perhaps I've misread her character so far.
"lodger in his own house" Excellent phrasing and imagery. We can all relate to being so busy that our home becomes a pit stop.
The next paragraph comes across as addressing the reader. We had been in Kamul's head, then the POV abruptly changes. Perhaps provide this information from the major's POV as he ponders the change in the urn's contents and the hope that Kamul not wearing gloves will have no detrimental effect on him. Perhaps place that paragraph first and then transition to Kamul's POV as he drives to pick up Mrs. Davidson with the urn.
Nice turn of phrase: the blue rinse set.
Would they be serving meals on the aircraft when they are on approach and preparing to land? Especially if it is about to get tossed around like a toy.
Suggest delete: "but why should they?" from the last sentence. It kind of dilutes the suspense that the first part of the sentence builds.
Lots happening in this chapter. We get a fuller picture of how evil Bruno is. Perfect choice of name for him. Makes me think of the word: brute.
My two cents,
Sol
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Many thanks for this thorough review and most helpful suggesions, Sol. Greatly appreciated. I've slightly altered the time sequence to make it clearer that the in-flight breakfast was served before descent began.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You left a great hook. I am very curious who 'the white Holden' is and they're being followed. I am sure Ayesha has no clue, but Carl might. I really like this story and couldn't find any way to improve it.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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You left a great hook. I am very curious who 'the white Holden' is and they're being followed. I am sure Ayesha has no clue, but Carl might. I really like this story and couldn't find any way to improve it.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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Thanks for reading and for your encouragement. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
This fascinating tale continues. Though it has been some time since I read the preceding instalment I was back inside the tale in minutes, (a tribute to your writing, I believe). This chapter twists and turns elusively over the pathetic fallacy of the the rising sun effect as the plane nears its destination. Very well done.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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This fascinating tale continues. Though it has been some time since I read the preceding instalment I was back inside the tale in minutes, (a tribute to your writing, I believe). This chapter twists and turns elusively over the pathetic fallacy of the the rising sun effect as the plane nears its destination. Very well done.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Jim. Good to see you back. Appreciate the sixer.
Comment from Ulla
So there is a double crossing here. I love it. Everyone and everybody is being fooled in this well thought out story. I love it. I take it a Holden is some make of car? I've never heard about it.
I can't wait to reading on. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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So there is a double crossing here. I love it. Everyone and everybody is being fooled in this well thought out story. I love it. I take it a Holden is some make of car? I've never heard about it.
I can't wait to reading on. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024
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Yes, everyone is at sixes and sevens at the moment and only two more chapters to sort everything out! The Holden is an iconic Australian car, a subsidiary of General Motors that ceased trading aa couple of years ago.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now that was not a nice place to end, Tony! I should have guessed the urn held something more than a few ashes, what a crafty plan. I do hope that Ayesha will be safe going back to Phuket, I don't trust her 'late' husband, or Major Suttikul, perhaps that car that's following them has something to do with that? Now I have to wait, I think I'm all caught up. I promice you a 6 for the next one, this is a terrific story! Well done. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Now that was not a nice place to end, Tony! I should have guessed the urn held something more than a few ashes, what a crafty plan. I do hope that Ayesha will be safe going back to Phuket, I don't trust her 'late' husband, or Major Suttikul, perhaps that car that's following them has something to do with that? Now I have to wait, I think I'm all caught up. I promice you a 6 for the next one, this is a terrific story! Well done. Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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It was very good of you to take the trouble to respond to each of the chapters you missed. I'm overwhelmed!
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It was well worth it. And congrats again for the BoM, that truly was deserved. Can't wait to read on. xx
Comment from royowen
Ah the plot thickens and all becomes clear now, but surely very dangerous for Ayesha, who was not Jing more than a trophy wife, so she's niether here nor there, now I'm wondering the plot will peg out. Well done, blessings Tony, Roy
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Ah the plot thickens and all becomes clear now, but surely very dangerous for Ayesha, who was not Jing more than a trophy wife, so she's niether here nor there, now I'm wondering the plot will peg out. Well done, blessings Tony, Roy
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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A trophy wife. I'd forgotten the saying. It describes her situation perfectly. All good wishes, Tony.
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Well done
Comment from lyenochka
I'm guessing that a "white Holden" is a car. I guess despite all the fine planning of the major and Bruno, there is another party that might know more about the drug dealing. That would be a shock for Ayesha. Wonder if she can get back.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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I'm guessing that a "white Holden" is a car. I guess despite all the fine planning of the major and Bruno, there is another party that might know more about the drug dealing. That would be a shock for Ayesha. Wonder if she can get back.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Yes, Holdens were iconic Australian cars, a subsidiary of General Motors. They ceased production about three years ago.
You're right. It doesn't look as if the major and Bruno are going to have it all their own way.
We shall see!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Great story line with Ayesha unaware that Bruno is still alive, or that she is transporting heroin instead of his ashes. Bruno's lawyer makes the switch with the urns and hopefully Ayesha can go about her life with no problem from Bruno.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Great story line with Ayesha unaware that Bruno is still alive, or that she is transporting heroin instead of his ashes. Bruno's lawyer makes the switch with the urns and hopefully Ayesha can go about her life with no problem from Bruno.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Carol. I appreciate your summary comments. Best wishes, Tony.
