The Smart Intruder
Art by granddaughter, Kenzie Jo35 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
Oh you kidder! You had me going there for a cool minute. Everything was explained so matter of factly, I was sure that it had actually happened just as written. Then you flipped the script and literally blew my mind. You little stinker you. :))
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
  |
Oh you kidder! You had me going there for a cool minute. Everything was explained so matter of factly, I was sure that it had actually happened just as written. Then you flipped the script and literally blew my mind. You little stinker you. :))
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hahaha! How awesome to end my day and thank you's with you and this sweet review.
You make me smile and heal the soul and maybe more, as joy is so much better than the other. Glad you approve of the little switch at the end. I just love you to pieces and don't be surprised now if I come back tomorrow and tell you that I had an awesome dream about my big brother tonight.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart for the great big smile. Debi
-
I love you to pieces, but I still hate meeces!
Comment from Carol Clark2
That is one spooky Halloween phone/decoration. Your story is well written and had me on the edge of my seat. The ending is cute! When in doubt...dance! Lol. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
 |
That is one spooky Halloween phone/decoration. Your story is well written and had me on the edge of my seat. The ending is cute! When in doubt...dance! Lol. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Oh Carol, you are so very sweet. And I thank you with all my heart. I was going to end this with a scary tone, but then someone suggested to end it with a smile and a dance with the song. And it didn't feel so dark.
Just so you know I made up the landline smartphone as I went so I don't think there is such a thing. Lol, people have been asking. Haha!
Thanks so much for the lovely comments and the honor of your six stars.
You are so very special, my dear friend.
-
When they invent the landline smart phone, I do hope it's not as scary as the one in your story! LOL! Have a blessed week, and a happy Halloween.
Comment from BethShelby
What a cool Halloween story. I was beginning to think this wasn't fiction after all until that last phone call with horrible hissing and growling noises. I'm sure you son would have figured out away to explain that as well. You probably didn't want to bother him again, so dancing was a better alternative. Did you dance to the Monster Mash?
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
What a cool Halloween story. I was beginning to think this wasn't fiction after all until that last phone call with horrible hissing and growling noises. I'm sure you son would have figured out away to explain that as well. You probably didn't want to bother him again, so dancing was a better alternative. Did you dance to the Monster Mash?
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
LOL, Beth, that is what everyone is saying. Maybe I overdid the other details in the story, but some of it about me sitting in bed with my iPad and loving windows open when it is storming is all true. But the phone I made up as I went. And there is no smart landline as far as I know. Haha. And no, I barely walk, so don't dance. But someday I will again. I never give up hope for next year.
Thanks for this very kind review and comments, my awesome and very sweet friend. Hugs!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I like the line, "the season between the central air and the furnace" - that says everything we need to know about the time of year.
Well, your ending was like "trick or treat" - you've done a good job of building the suspense and causing us to expect a trick, then you give us a delightful treat!
Well done, Debi. I see you are in the Halloween mood:-)
Hope Tuesday night is full of treats for you. Do you really have such a phone?
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
I like the line, "the season between the central air and the furnace" - that says everything we need to know about the time of year.
Well, your ending was like "trick or treat" - you've done a good job of building the suspense and causing us to expect a trick, then you give us a delightful treat!
Well done, Debi. I see you are in the Halloween mood:-)
Hope Tuesday night is full of treats for you. Do you really have such a phone?
xo
Pam
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
LOL, no Pam. I made that up as I went. I had no idea what I was talking about, but I figured anyone who wasn't a pro might fall for it. Haha!
Thanks sis, for the sweet treat of a review and comments!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I enjoyed this story. Here your fear suddenly became a reasonable explanation of the phone ringing and the noise. But then you bring it down and just as your reader relaxes, you bring back the terror.
So well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
I enjoyed this story. Here your fear suddenly became a reasonable explanation of the phone ringing and the noise. But then you bring it down and just as your reader relaxes, you bring back the terror.
So well done.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Oh Mary, you are so very sweet. And I thank you with all my heart.
My surprise ending was going to be a scary tone, but then I sent it to Terry and he gave me the song and suggested to end with saying I felt like dancing. I thought about it and liked it, but decided instead to just do the dance. The Monster Mash, that is. LOL
I think I should have added that I made up the landline smartphone as I wrote. I don't think there is such a thing. Lol, people have been asking. Haha!
Thanks so much for the lovely comments, my very dear friend.
Comment from Annmuma
A perfect Halloween contest entry!! It had chills running up and down my spine. I was so glad when the son had it all figured out and then that delightful twist at the end! Good post and good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
A perfect Halloween contest entry!! It had chills running up and down my spine. I was so glad when the son had it all figured out and then that delightful twist at the end! Good post and good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Oh Ann, you are so very sweet. And I thank you with all my heart.
My surprise ending was going to be a scary tone, but then I sent it to Terry and he gave me the song and suggested to end with saying I felt like dancing. I thought about it and liked it, but decided instead to just do the dance. The Monster Mash, that is. LOL
I think I should have added that I made up the landline smartphone as I wrote. I don't think there is such a thing. Lol, people have been asking. Haha!
Thanks so much for the lovely comments, my very dear friend.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
I have Monster Mash my Author Note and been listening. So much fun. Excellent story for the challenge and wonderful artwork from your granddaughter. You are blessed. I enjoyed your well written story. I thought the story had to be 5,000 words though. I hope I'm wrong because I'm still writing
Check it. I hope I'm wrong. ð???
Love and Boo! lol
Alex :))x
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
I have Monster Mash my Author Note and been listening. So much fun. Excellent story for the challenge and wonderful artwork from your granddaughter. You are blessed. I enjoyed your well written story. I thought the story had to be 5,000 words though. I hope I'm wrong because I'm still writing
Check it. I hope I'm wrong. ð???
Love and Boo! lol
Alex :))x
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hi Alex, you are so sweet and I thank you so very much for this awesome review and kind words. I mostly write non-fiction when I write prose, but this was a fun one so I can use my tattoo artist's darker art. Halloween is a great place for that.
Actually the contest says for 5000 words or less. But thanks for looking out for me. I always appreciate feedback and help. You are awesome, my sweet friend.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so scary, I rushed reading it down the page, my mouth dry, and my nerves hoping her son would stay the night. But his reasoning sounded so true, until he'd left. I absolutely LOVED the ending!! That was so funny!! What else would one do when there was a ghostly phone playing loud music and have fire coming out its eyes. Of course you would dance!!! That was brilliant! Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
That was so scary, I rushed reading it down the page, my mouth dry, and my nerves hoping her son would stay the night. But his reasoning sounded so true, until he'd left. I absolutely LOVED the ending!! That was so funny!! What else would one do when there was a ghostly phone playing loud music and have fire coming out its eyes. Of course you would dance!!! That was brilliant! Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Sandra, coming from the queen of fiction, I am so honored by your comments about my story. I thank you so much. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, and mostly poetry.
And this was the piece I was telling you about yesterday that I had been wanting to use of Kenzie's darker art pieces.
Lol, I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone.
Thanks again, my very dear friend.
-
Of course! Your Kenzie's picture was amazing, and I'm glad you used it, it was inspirational! It was a really good contest entry. xxxx
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is quite a scary story. The best thing about it is it sounds like it could be true. As the story progressed in a serious and horrifying manner, it ended with a humorous twist. Kenzie's artwork matched your story perfectly, even down to the lighted eyes on the phone. It gave the reader something to visualize. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
This is quite a scary story. The best thing about it is it sounds like it could be true. As the story progressed in a serious and horrifying manner, it ended with a humorous twist. Kenzie's artwork matched your story perfectly, even down to the lighted eyes on the phone. It gave the reader something to visualize. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hey there Lorraine, and you are part of the reason that I did this, because you said once that it was nice to see the dark side of me, so I thank you so much.
The other reason is it gave me the chance to use some of Kenzie's darker art pieces. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, so I am glad you liked it.
I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone. Lol.
Thanks again, my very dear friend!!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this Halloween Story contest entry with us. I am guessing this is fictional, but with all the AI around it could be real. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
Thank you for sharing this Halloween Story contest entry with us. I am guessing this is fictional, but with all the AI around it could be real. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hey there Barb, I thank you so much. This gave me the chance to use some of Kenzie's darker art pieces. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, so I am glad you liked it.
I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone. Lol.