No Air
a 5-7-517 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Love this one and the strong metaphors relative to humans and objects. Sending you my best today as always, Bill, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal :))
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Love this one and the strong metaphors relative to humans and objects. Sending you my best today as always, Bill, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal :))
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thanks, Sal
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Bill I think this 5-7-5 has two meanings
1 a literal meaning as stated
Or
2 Reflecting on oneself, feeling deflated but finding the energy to revigorate again.
So this gives the reader the choice of either
A clever piece
Cheers Chris
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Hi Bill I think this 5-7-5 has two meanings
1 a literal meaning as stated
Or
2 Reflecting on oneself, feeling deflated but finding the energy to revigorate again.
So this gives the reader the choice of either
A clever piece
Cheers Chris
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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You are wise, Chrissy
Comment from Mark D. R.
Yep Bill, I did that with a football and basketball. And we 'wetted' the needle to make it go in easier.
A deflated ball illustration may improve your presentation value.
Mark
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Yep Bill, I did that with a football and basketball. And we 'wetted' the needle to make it go in easier.
A deflated ball illustration may improve your presentation value.
Mark
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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I have decided that the black on orange represents a basketball
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good title and presentation, Bill.
-The syllable count is good, along with the topic.
-A good job making us think this poem is
going in a certain direction and doesn't,
as well as creating a good aha moment at the end.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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-Good title and presentation, Bill.
-The syllable count is good, along with the topic.
-A good job making us think this poem is
going in a certain direction and doesn't,
as well as creating a good aha moment at the end.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Pam
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You are welcome, Bill.
Comment from Paul Manton
Oh Bill, how could I resist this one? It is priceless!
So now I'm mainlining my baseball? Get out!
This had me laughing for quite a while'
Added to which, it's a perfect haiku - worth a six and I hope it wins a prize; if the prize was for humor, I'd award it right now.
ok 5-7-5 opener - a plea from a forlorn and desperate guy (but, wait - what's this ball doing in the invisible picture? and of course it can't be there or it would give the game away!) viz. empty ball, not empty guy.
and now, oh my! he's looking for a vein! call the meds. the cops, the White House! (look at the invisible picture)
then the wonderful response: OH! Yes, that kind of needle - for inflating empty sports balls. OH! got it? you bet! Best ever joke haiku. Magic!
Paul
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Oh Bill, how could I resist this one? It is priceless!
So now I'm mainlining my baseball? Get out!
This had me laughing for quite a while'
Added to which, it's a perfect haiku - worth a six and I hope it wins a prize; if the prize was for humor, I'd award it right now.
ok 5-7-5 opener - a plea from a forlorn and desperate guy (but, wait - what's this ball doing in the invisible picture? and of course it can't be there or it would give the game away!) viz. empty ball, not empty guy.
and now, oh my! he's looking for a vein! call the meds. the cops, the White House! (look at the invisible picture)
then the wonderful response: OH! Yes, that kind of needle - for inflating empty sports balls. OH! got it? you bet! Best ever joke haiku. Magic!
Paul
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Wow! Thank you, Paul, for this exuberant response to this poem.
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You're welcome, Bill.
Made my day!
Paul
Comment from Sugarray77
haha, you always do such a good job of setting up your punchline. A fun and perfectly formed verse for this prompt. I really enjoy reading your work, Bill!!
Meliss
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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haha, you always do such a good job of setting up your punchline. A fun and perfectly formed verse for this prompt. I really enjoy reading your work, Bill!!
Meliss
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Melissa, for the great review. Bill
Comment from JSD
Haha. Brilliant. Double take required and definitely served. Empty, Needle. We fear the worst and then you let us down (?) gently with a clever twist. Well done and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Haha. Brilliant. Double take required and definitely served. Empty, Needle. We fear the worst and then you let us down (?) gently with a clever twist. Well done and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, JSD, for the great review. Bill