Coffee With Iris
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Date Is Only a Word"Two opposites meet and connect.
19 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am glad Jameson and Iris are going to have coffee together. I'm pretty sure they are going to be good for each other. Iris's wisdom is going to help Jameson and his youth will help Iris.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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I am glad Jameson and Iris are going to have coffee together. I'm pretty sure they are going to be good for each other. Iris's wisdom is going to help Jameson and his youth will help Iris.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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They will be like two peas in a pod soon. This has been a fun one to write. Gretchen
Comment from JSD
Aww. This continues to interest me as a piece of writing. I'm getting to know these characters now, and find Gertrude to be a most likeable individual. Looking forward to more. Thank you.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Aww. This continues to interest me as a piece of writing. I'm getting to know these characters now, and find Gertrude to be a most likeable individual. Looking forward to more. Thank you.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Gertrude is just in her own world. Think she might have a transformation of sorts. I'm glad you are enjoying this. Gretchen
Comment from rama devi
Superb characterization, brought to life by amusing, well-paced dialog with just the right balance of narrative detail.
This made me chuckle:
Gert is like a dog with a bone right now. All that's missing is the naked bulb swinging from the ceiling as she grills me.
Excellent 'old person' POV here:
I sit back, suddenly winded from God only knows what.
*one optional suggestion to change this speech tag to an action tag:
"Everything okay?" she asks.
Example:
"Everything okay?" She tilts her head to one side, her eyes round.
* After a few minutes(,) I excuse myself and take my purse with me to the ladies room.
* Two hits(,) and I'm breathing normally.
*
"Would you like to get together around 10?"
Spell out 10 as ten.
What a fun chapter closing. Made me smile. I just love Iris!
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Superb characterization, brought to life by amusing, well-paced dialog with just the right balance of narrative detail.
This made me chuckle:
Gert is like a dog with a bone right now. All that's missing is the naked bulb swinging from the ceiling as she grills me.
Excellent 'old person' POV here:
I sit back, suddenly winded from God only knows what.
*one optional suggestion to change this speech tag to an action tag:
"Everything okay?" she asks.
Example:
"Everything okay?" She tilts her head to one side, her eyes round.
* After a few minutes(,) I excuse myself and take my purse with me to the ladies room.
* Two hits(,) and I'm breathing normally.
*
"Would you like to get together around 10?"
Spell out 10 as ten.
What a fun chapter closing. Made me smile. I just love Iris!
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 18-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Thank you. I'm happy you enjoyed this. I loved writing the character of Iris. She was quite a character. Thanks for this awesome review and the grammatical help. Gretchen
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:-)))
Comment from Julie Lau
Nice to see this relationship progressing. It's so refreshing for an oldie to speak to the young and hear their points of view and what is going on in their world. I'll keep following with interest.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Nice to see this relationship progressing. It's so refreshing for an oldie to speak to the young and hear their points of view and what is going on in their world. I'll keep following with interest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Julie. I'm glad you are enjoying this and thank you so much for the intuitive feedback. Gretchen
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is good light reading. I'm sure the two will have a mutually beneficial friendship as they help each other deal with life.
notes:
"Who makes that? Is it one of those foreign types?"
- Are you sure about this line. Unless Gertrude is "special" the hound part of Wolfhound easily gave it away.
Gertrude shakes her head, her lips {pursed.} "Oof. No thank you."
-purse. (maintain present tense)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Hmm, this is good light reading. I'm sure the two will have a mutually beneficial friendship as they help each other deal with life.
notes:
"Who makes that? Is it one of those foreign types?"
- Are you sure about this line. Unless Gertrude is "special" the hound part of Wolfhound easily gave it away.
Gertrude shakes her head, her lips {pursed.} "Oof. No thank you."
-purse. (maintain present tense)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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If Gertrude doesn't see it on Dancing with the Stars, it doesn't exist. Lol. Thank you for this great review. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We learned a little more about Iris here as your story takes her out to meet a friend for lunch. I love this line:
(All that's missing is the naked bulb swinging from the ceiling as she grills me).
Your work is always a pleasure to read Gretchen.
Just a couple of small edits here:
(He says his goodbyes, (the) hurries towards the checkout counter).
(Too bad Gertrude wasn't here (to) for that little exchange).
Much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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We learned a little more about Iris here as your story takes her out to meet a friend for lunch. I love this line:
(All that's missing is the naked bulb swinging from the ceiling as she grills me).
Your work is always a pleasure to read Gretchen.
Just a couple of small edits here:
(He says his goodbyes, (the) hurries towards the checkout counter).
(Too bad Gertrude wasn't here (to) for that little exchange).
Much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Thank you for catching the spags. Never fails. I'm a terrible proof reader. Lol. Thank-you for pointing out what you liked. That really helps. Gretchen
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I never see my own mistakes, only other people?s! Ha ha ha x x x
Comment from nancy_e_davis
He says his goodbyes, them [then] hurries [small typo]
We all have our problems don't we. Iris has a breathing problem, so do I. I can relate to her distress. She doesn't want her friend Gertrude to know about it.
Ben has made a date with her, to meet for coffee the next day.
They seem to be taken with each other in spite of the age difference. I think that is great. Ben needs a friend now and maybe Iris does too? Well done, Gretchen. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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He says his goodbyes, them [then] hurries [small typo]
We all have our problems don't we. Iris has a breathing problem, so do I. I can relate to her distress. She doesn't want her friend Gertrude to know about it.
Ben has made a date with her, to meet for coffee the next day.
They seem to be taken with each other in spite of the age difference. I think that is great. Ben needs a friend now and maybe Iris does too? Well done, Gretchen. Nancy:)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much. Iris is tough and super private so it'll be interesting when and if she tells Jameson about her condition. Thank you again. Gretchen
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The meeting up of Jameson and Iris was seamlessly executed, and didn't come across as contrived. Well done. I also enjoyed very much the mistrusting character of Gertrude - rather typical of her age. kay
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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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The meeting up of Jameson and Iris was seamlessly executed, and didn't come across as contrived. Well done. I also enjoyed very much the mistrusting character of Gertrude - rather typical of her age. kay
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Gertrude isn't very savvy. She's the type who believes it because she saw it on Facebook. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nice, error-free writing. Good work.
I like your dialogue. It feels natural.
Does Iris know why a man that age doesn't seem to have a job?
Best wishes.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Very nice, error-free writing. Good work.
I like your dialogue. It feels natural.
Does Iris know why a man that age doesn't seem to have a job?
Best wishes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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He works from home. Freelance computer work. She is just getting to know him so there is a lot she will learn about him. Thank-you for this nice review. Gretchen
