The Red Door
Do you dare step through the Red Door? Some do.26 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. I think additional editing would help. The story is fine, but just a little nits here and there.
notes:
Why would you need a story about this house?["]
-add
"Always after something new. Some intrigue. Mysteries of an abandoned house was a suggested header. Editors love a bit of a different angle.["]
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"Yes I am a bit, well I will say a whole lot. The red door provided some real opportunity to study people's reaction.["]
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"So you watch all the {time"}
-time?"
{"Yes, watch". At that} moment Hank snapped his fingers
-"Yes, watch." At that
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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Very interesting. I think additional editing would help. The story is fine, but just a little nits here and there.
notes:
Why would you need a story about this house?["]
-add
"Always after something new. Some intrigue. Mysteries of an abandoned house was a suggested header. Editors love a bit of a different angle.["]
-add
"Yes I am a bit, well I will say a whole lot. The red door provided some real opportunity to study people's reaction.["]
-add
"So you watch all the {time"}
-time?"
{"Yes, watch". At that} moment Hank snapped his fingers
-"Yes, watch." At that
Comment Written 19-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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Thanks so much for your review and advice as to the nits. Ha Ha Like that description. I will carry out a nit eradication very soon, Thanks again and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Lisasview
Just curious in your 7th paragraph did you mean "Sort of door" just felt like an awkward sentence...
The rest of your story is quite intriguing...Red door.... blue door...
I think this is a clever story and I look forward to finding out what happens.
Lisa, new to this site
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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Just curious in your 7th paragraph did you mean "Sort of door" just felt like an awkward sentence...
The rest of your story is quite intriguing...Red door.... blue door...
I think this is a clever story and I look forward to finding out what happens.
Lisa, new to this site
Comment Written 19-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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Lisa,
Welcome to the site and I hope you enjoy it but also learn from the many talented writers. I have. Thanks for the review and glad you liked the story. Thanks also for your comments on the 7th paragraph. I will actually review that today. Probably needs a re-think. Thanks. Take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This is an interesting story for the contest. The empty house was about a mystery of the death of a baby.
Tom wanted to write a story about the house. He ventured to enter the house. It was scary. He never expected anyone inside the house, but encountered the owner of the house, whose face was deformed. That made him more scared..,
Thanks for sharing this story.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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This is an interesting story for the contest. The empty house was about a mystery of the death of a baby.
Tom wanted to write a story about the house. He ventured to enter the house. It was scary. He never expected anyone inside the house, but encountered the owner of the house, whose face was deformed. That made him more scared..,
Thanks for sharing this story.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2023
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it and maybe there will be a follow up story. The Blue Door. Anyway I will wait and see if the inspiration continues to a continuation of Tom's adventure.
Take care and have a great day.
Thanks
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
This story pulled me in like Tom, which is also my name, and I stayed to the end, which is difficult, for someone with Adhd, so has been suggested. Petty as this will seem I liked the entire tale save for: Unconscious darkness.
He was not sure how long he remained unconscious. Twice within two sentences. Knocked out or comatose, perhaps as suggestions.
Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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This story pulled me in like Tom, which is also my name, and I stayed to the end, which is difficult, for someone with Adhd, so has been suggested. Petty as this will seem I liked the entire tale save for: Unconscious darkness.
He was not sure how long he remained unconscious. Twice within two sentences. Knocked out or comatose, perhaps as suggestions.
Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023
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Tom,
Thanks so much for the six star rating. Glad you enjoyed and thanks for your suggestion. Might do an edit around that. Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from royowen
I think you could write a good mystery here, Tom is apprehended by a man with a deformed half face with a fascinating tale to tell, although we don't quite know what this tale is about, but it certainly fascinates a journos.great potential to this, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : Hank(')s rather deformed...
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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I think you could write a good mystery here, Tom is apprehended by a man with a deformed half face with a fascinating tale to tell, although we don't quite know what this tale is about, but it certainly fascinates a journos.great potential to this, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : Hank(')s rather deformed...
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Roy,
Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it. Yes, there is potential for a lot more to follow. Will ponder that for awhile. Thanks for the typo tip and you and your family take care. Have a great day.
Cheers
Barry
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A great lead in.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are already skilled as a writer. You set the stage, knock Tom out, and then revive him to an odd man with a dog and rats for company, and perhaps protection. It feels like it is going to be a horror story, if so, you are leading us readers along quite capably.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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You are already skilled as a writer. You set the stage, knock Tom out, and then revive him to an odd man with a dog and rats for company, and perhaps protection. It feels like it is going to be a horror story, if so, you are leading us readers along quite capably.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Carol,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. Glad you liked it. I hope to provide a follow up story asap. Life does get in the way at times. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from evilynne
A very intriguing tale of a mysterious house with a strange caretaker. It is spellbinding and leaves the reader wanting more. I am sure that some of the other reviewers have made some editing suggestions and you will follow through. I do think it warrants a six, but I don't have any left. In the meantime, best of luck in the contest. Evi
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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A very intriguing tale of a mysterious house with a strange caretaker. It is spellbinding and leaves the reader wanting more. I am sure that some of the other reviewers have made some editing suggestions and you will follow through. I do think it warrants a six, but I don't have any left. In the meantime, best of luck in the contest. Evi
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Evi,
Thanks very much for reviewing my story. Glad you liked it and that is the main thing. I will see how it goes but in any event I will have to consider doing a follow up. There is some request for it. Well have to see what life dishes up as well as tickling my imagination as to what is inside the blue door.
Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was kind of like a Night Gallery episode. Starts of withsomething as mundane as an abandoned house but becomes a kind of nightmare that the protagonist can't escape from. But this wasn't a nightmare at the end. It left me wondering what Tom would see. Only one spag. When the mention of the name Lincoln came up, you put Ab and I think it should have been Abe. Otherwise, an intriguing read. Gretchen
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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This was kind of like a Night Gallery episode. Starts of withsomething as mundane as an abandoned house but becomes a kind of nightmare that the protagonist can't escape from. But this wasn't a nightmare at the end. It left me wondering what Tom would see. Only one spag. When the mention of the name Lincoln came up, you put Ab and I think it should have been Abe. Otherwise, an intriguing read. Gretchen
Comment Written 16-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Gretchen,
Thanks so much for your review.Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for spotting the spelling error. Unbelievable that after reading this many times I did not pick it up. Ah the benefit of many eyes. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from JT traveller
Very well written. Oh, how the tension builds. A deserted house, a disfigured man, a conclusion leaving the reader in doubt as to what happens next. Excellent. I loved it. Jacqueline
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Very well written. Oh, how the tension builds. A deserted house, a disfigured man, a conclusion leaving the reader in doubt as to what happens next. Excellent. I loved it. Jacqueline
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Jacqueline,
Wow, thanks so much for your six star review. Much appreciated. It is great to know that my story leaves you with wanting more. I am toying with the idea to take this further. Have a great day and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
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Yes! Take it forward Barry. You've got this! Jacqueline
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Thanks. I will see how it goes. Keep well.
Comment from JSD
An enigmatic and intriguing chapter which rewards a second read. Atmospheric and spooky, with very good use of natural dialogue. And a lovely cliffhanger at the end. Well done. John
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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An enigmatic and intriguing chapter which rewards a second read. Atmospheric and spooky, with very good use of natural dialogue. And a lovely cliffhanger at the end. Well done. John
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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John,
Thanks for your great review . So glad you liked it. We will see how it goes in the competition. Take care and have a good day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.