There is a bear in there.
Australia is hot. Even bears seek a haven.19 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I would so love this to happen to me. Got close one camping trip at Halls Gap, years ago but he didnt quite make it inside. Loved the way you told this story of
there's a bear in there
Good luck in the contest. Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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I would so love this to happen to me. Got close one camping trip at Halls Gap, years ago but he didnt quite make it inside. Loved the way you told this story of
there's a bear in there
Good luck in the contest. Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Valda,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. So glad you enjoyed it. It ran in second in the contest. Yes ,Koalas are cute and every now and then do venture into homes.
Take Care
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A great sensory description for your opening: "The door slammed, echoing down the long hall." This is almost onomatopoetic. This will draw the reader in: "No response. Was this one of her games? She was prone to story telling,and this could well be another invention." The last line is amusing.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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A great sensory description for your opening: "The door slammed, echoing down the long hall." This is almost onomatopoetic. This will draw the reader in: "No response. Was this one of her games? She was prone to story telling,and this could well be another invention." The last line is amusing.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Liz,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. Glad you enjoyed it. The story came second in the contest. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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It certainly deserved 2nd place. I enjoyed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Are they dangerous? I think I would freak out if I saw one in my house! I'm even scared of the cockroaches! I enjoyed your post for the contest, an entertaining write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Are they dangerous? I think I would freak out if I saw one in my house! I'm even scared of the cockroaches! I enjoyed your post for the contest, an entertaining write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Dolly,
No they are not dangerous, however you have to be a bit careful when first approaching them. They can scratch. Thanks for the review. It ran in second. Take care and thanks again.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from Wendy G
Creative story. Koalas are not bears, of course, and in general do not like human company and would be liable to scratch and bite her. The story line is appealing, but there are a few punctuation details to check eg full stops at the ends of sentences.
"Daddy, Daddy, there is a bear in there"
"What a bear. Where. How could a bear get in?
"Its true, come and look, its so true" and also
"Olivia there is nothing there" (which also needs a comma after "Olivia")
"I headed to the back door. to the right was the doorway to the study." (capital t for "To the right ...")
"Koala" does not need a capital.
Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Creative story. Koalas are not bears, of course, and in general do not like human company and would be liable to scratch and bite her. The story line is appealing, but there are a few punctuation details to check eg full stops at the ends of sentences.
"Daddy, Daddy, there is a bear in there"
"What a bear. Where. How could a bear get in?
"Its true, come and look, its so true" and also
"Olivia there is nothing there" (which also needs a comma after "Olivia")
"I headed to the back door. to the right was the doorway to the study." (capital t for "To the right ...")
"Koala" does not need a capital.
Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Wendy, Thanks for the review and the tips as to punctuation. The story came in second so I am happy about that. Yes Koalas can be unpredictable.
Take care and have a great day. And just a congratulations for your latest win. Keep writing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Andrea Kepple
I like how you used the wind through the story, starting with the wind bringing a cooling effect to the home and ending with the wind bringing more with it than just relief from the summer heat. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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I like how you used the wind through the story, starting with the wind bringing a cooling effect to the home and ending with the wind bringing more with it than just relief from the summer heat. Best of luck.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Andrea,
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. Glad you liked it. It came in second in the contest. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent entry for the The Door Slammed writing prompt and best of wishes in the prompt!
This was very interesting and held my attention throughout the entire story that was well written and well thought out by the author!
Thanks so much for sharing and may God bless you and your family!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Excellent entry for the The Door Slammed writing prompt and best of wishes in the prompt!
This was very interesting and held my attention throughout the entire story that was well written and well thought out by the author!
Thanks so much for sharing and may God bless you and your family!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Thanks again for the review. The story came in second in the contest which obviously was pleasing. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Anne Johnston
I love the story that you have written using the opening line given for the contest. Cute picture you have chosen. I am glad it was a friendly animal that entered the house and was found by the little girl.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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I love the story that you have written using the opening line given for the contest. Cute picture you have chosen. I am glad it was a friendly animal that entered the house and was found by the little girl.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Anne,
Thanks so much for reviewing my story. It came in second in the contest. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Great prospective on a "bear"!! When Olivia went silent, I thought the bear took her!! And the surprise of a Koala made me breathe again!!
Please check some typos, dialogue commas missing etc. Great entry!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Great prospective on a "bear"!! When Olivia went silent, I thought the bear took her!! And the surprise of a Koala made me breathe again!!
Please check some typos, dialogue commas missing etc. Great entry!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Mario,
Thanks for taking the time to review my story. Also congratulations on your first place in the contest. We are now fierce rivals lol. Yes a few errors as you have alerted me to. A bit rushed actually as the deadline loomed large. All the best.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Cute story!
Couple of minor things:
The door slammed and echoed down the hall.That was not
(Space after the first period)
with me and yelling,
"Daddy, Daddy, there is a bear in here"
(Flow issue with the word 'and'. Maybe :
with me, yelling, )
"What a bear. How could a bear get in here"
"Its true, come and look, its so true"
(Need punctuation after the words 'here' and 'true')
Minor stuff. The storyline is awesome, author!
D
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Cute story!
Couple of minor things:
The door slammed and echoed down the hall.That was not
(Space after the first period)
with me and yelling,
"Daddy, Daddy, there is a bear in here"
(Flow issue with the word 'and'. Maybe :
with me, yelling, )
"What a bear. How could a bear get in here"
"Its true, come and look, its so true"
(Need punctuation after the words 'here' and 'true')
Minor stuff. The storyline is awesome, author!
D
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Douglas,
Thanks for taking the time to review my story and thanks also for your advice re punctuation and wording. I did utilise one of those suggestions. The story came in second.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
