Weight of the World
Heavy burdens weighing me down.26 total reviews
Comment from jake cosmos aller
another powerful publishable poem. You should pursue punishing these poems you have an unique and powerful voice and your work should resonate with a lot of people.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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another powerful publishable poem. You should pursue punishing these poems you have an unique and powerful voice and your work should resonate with a lot of people.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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I am coming out with my book called life in the trenches. I'm just browsing for a legit reasonable traditional publishing company.
Comment from Raul1
I think to some of us the world does throw us a heavy curve. It is hard enough of people to be ignorant of us. Well written poem. Thanks for sharing! Nice job!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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I think to some of us the world does throw us a heavy curve. It is hard enough of people to be ignorant of us. Well written poem. Thanks for sharing! Nice job!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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You welcome. Thanks for your review.
Comment from mermaids
"You can't swim through a sea of adversity with no fins" is a marvelous line that gives a clear description of struggling. Your words have power and meaning and show how we need to help one another. I am sure many can relate to your words.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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"You can't swim through a sea of adversity with no fins" is a marvelous line that gives a clear description of struggling. Your words have power and meaning and show how we need to help one another. I am sure many can relate to your words.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Yes hoping my poems can let alot of people struggling that they are not alone.
Comment from royowen
I remember someone testifying that his parents had suffered from depression, and subsequently he did the same. After suffering fo years, he decided one day to stopped being depression, he disabled his depression, and learnt to have control over his life, not the depression, whatever troubles we suffer, the same process happens no matter what. But the best one is to help someone else with their problems, and one's own quickly vanish, beautifully written Charity, focussing on one's own issues gives those issues power over you. blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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I remember someone testifying that his parents had suffered from depression, and subsequently he did the same. After suffering fo years, he decided one day to stopped being depression, he disabled his depression, and learnt to have control over his life, not the depression, whatever troubles we suffer, the same process happens no matter what. But the best one is to help someone else with their problems, and one's own quickly vanish, beautifully written Charity, focussing on one's own issues gives those issues power over you. blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Thanks my friend. Good to hear from you.
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You too
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was a poem showing how people hit their breaking point. Your battle, internal though it maybe, is physically heavy. Shoulders slumped, unable to move through it. I liked the way you admit your weakness, then the plea for help. For someone to take the burden, if only for a while. Beautiful and haunting. Gretchen
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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This was a poem showing how people hit their breaking point. Your battle, internal though it maybe, is physically heavy. Shoulders slumped, unable to move through it. I liked the way you admit your weakness, then the plea for help. For someone to take the burden, if only for a while. Beautiful and haunting. Gretchen
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Thanks for the positive feedback.
Comment from Laurie Holding
So well crafted! I'm sorry you're struggling under the weight of responsibility, betrayal, and defamation of character; that's a lot to ponder, and being a poet probably doesn't help your general frame of mind. You have, though, a true talent, and a beautiful outlet to get your hardships onto the page and in so doing, maybe be able to face trouble with squarer (is that a word? Squarer?) shoulders. Good luck, and thank you for posting.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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So well crafted! I'm sorry you're struggling under the weight of responsibility, betrayal, and defamation of character; that's a lot to ponder, and being a poet probably doesn't help your general frame of mind. You have, though, a true talent, and a beautiful outlet to get your hardships onto the page and in so doing, maybe be able to face trouble with squarer (is that a word? Squarer?) shoulders. Good luck, and thank you for posting.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Charity, Charity, Charity. I don't know what goes on in your mind when you produce one of these telling rhymes but there must really be a struggle of some kind. The end result is a gift for all of us though and I just love that I am able to jump back in and read me some Charity.
Very well presented Charity.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Charity, Charity, Charity. I don't know what goes on in your mind when you produce one of these telling rhymes but there must really be a struggle of some kind. The end result is a gift for all of us though and I just love that I am able to jump back in and read me some Charity.
Very well presented Charity.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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How are you? I'm so happy to hear from you. It's a honor to get 6 stars from you. It's a gift It's just flows.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is a powerful message for all of us to listen and listen we must before the candle burns at both ends for all of us. I love the last five lines the best. The meaning is quite clear with excellent rhymes. I can hear you shouting and the message is urgent. I only hope we can help those who have the same worries as you do. Thanks for sharing and I hope you get the help you need and fast before the candle burns out!
Jesse
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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This is a powerful message for all of us to listen and listen we must before the candle burns at both ends for all of us. I love the last five lines the best. The meaning is quite clear with excellent rhymes. I can hear you shouting and the message is urgent. I only hope we can help those who have the same worries as you do. Thanks for sharing and I hope you get the help you need and fast before the candle burns out!
Jesse
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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This is definitely on the list for poetry performance.
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That must be quite a list!
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I will be leaving fanstory. It's too expensive and has too much negativity.
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I'm sorry to see you go.
I can relate, yet I keep hoping things will get better.
Good luck with your life!
Jesse
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Charity.
I like the multiple lines of rhymes. I do think the longer lines break the flow of the poem. It sounds like you are living a very stressful part in your life and that this poem turns to a prayer in the end. You have some good metaphors.
Some possible changes you could make are:
My current job causes me to doubt my abilities
failure 'gives' you two choices
Unsupported, no fans in the bleaches
Very careful so my feathers you can't pluck
Adversity's sea is dangerous without fins
It is your choice to make the changes or not.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Hi Charity.
I like the multiple lines of rhymes. I do think the longer lines break the flow of the poem. It sounds like you are living a very stressful part in your life and that this poem turns to a prayer in the end. You have some good metaphors.
Some possible changes you could make are:
My current job causes me to doubt my abilities
failure 'gives' you two choices
Unsupported, no fans in the bleaches
Very careful so my feathers you can't pluck
Adversity's sea is dangerous without fins
It is your choice to make the changes or not.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Thanks for your critique. Have a good day.
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You're welcome, Charity.
Enjoy your day.
Joan
Comment from Paul McFarland
Another great poem for a slam, Charity. The picture goes very nicely with the poem. Looks like you are a football fan. Near the end, you have ten consecutive rhymes - "in". This might be stretching it a bit. That last line was a great ending.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Another great poem for a slam, Charity. The picture goes very nicely with the poem. Looks like you are a football fan. Near the end, you have ten consecutive rhymes - "in". This might be stretching it a bit. That last line was a great ending.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Yes it will be a slam poem. I love hearing from you.
