My Beautiful Boy
A short story about a short life.18 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
I'm so sorry for your loss. We tried to pass a helmet law in Maine but it didn't make it. My house over looks a park with a skateboarding rink and kids use it all summer and even in the winter if there's no snow. Very few of them wear helmets. I hold my breath as I watch them fall again and again, and pray that they don't get seriously injured. I know it's not the same you've written about here, but they still risk serious injury.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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I'm so sorry for your loss. We tried to pass a helmet law in Maine but it didn't make it. My house over looks a park with a skateboarding rink and kids use it all summer and even in the winter if there's no snow. Very few of them wear helmets. I hold my breath as I watch them fall again and again, and pray that they don't get seriously injured. I know it's not the same you've written about here, but they still risk serious injury.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
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You are welcome.
Comment from jmdg1954
Thankfully this is fictional. I couldn't imagine being that parent.
Your words conveyed the feelings and tells the tale that helmets must be worn. Here in NJ it's the law, thankfully.
Best of luck in the contest. John
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thankfully this is fictional. I couldn't imagine being that parent.
Your words conveyed the feelings and tells the tale that helmets must be worn. Here in NJ it's the law, thankfully.
Best of luck in the contest. John
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, Eliz, though it was poignant.
I could see everything you wrote and feel the mother's
pain die to your word choices. I liked the progression from
the caterpillar to his girlfriend. I agree about helmets.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Your contest entry read well, Eliz, though it was poignant.
I could see everything you wrote and feel the mother's
pain die to your word choices. I liked the progression from
the caterpillar to his girlfriend. I agree about helmets.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I agree it only makes sense. Thank you for sharing this contest entry of a mother's worst nightmare with us. I enjoyed reading and see nothing that needs improved. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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I agree it only makes sense. Thank you for sharing this contest entry of a mother's worst nightmare with us. I enjoyed reading and see nothing that needs improved. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from royowen
I'm so glad this is fictional, it looks like it well be someone's mum, fortunately it's illegal all over Australia to not wear a helmet. Thank you for this my friend, it alerts all of us to a young one not wearing a helmet. Beautifully written, I'm so glad it wasn't your sin. Good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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I'm so glad this is fictional, it looks like it well be someone's mum, fortunately it's illegal all over Australia to not wear a helmet. Thank you for this my friend, it alerts all of us to a young one not wearing a helmet. Beautifully written, I'm so glad it wasn't your sin. Good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
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Most welcome
Comment from A.Myers85
I'm speechless at just *how* powerful and emotional this short story was! Although fictional, you did an amazing job portraying this experience through the eyes of a parent. The last line, "Will I ever be able to close them again?" what a great way to end the story. Thanks for sharing! :D
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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I'm speechless at just *how* powerful and emotional this short story was! Although fictional, you did an amazing job portraying this experience through the eyes of a parent. The last line, "Will I ever be able to close them again?" what a great way to end the story. Thanks for sharing! :D
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and the six-star review. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is well-written and displayed for your readers. The shadows of your picture give it an extra eerie feeling and really add to the overall complexity of the piece. I'm just glad that this's fiction.
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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This is well-written and displayed for your readers. The shadows of your picture give it an extra eerie feeling and really add to the overall complexity of the piece. I'm just glad that this's fiction.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so glad that this is a fictional story! It hurts just to imagine it. In Hawaii, there is no helmet law and I am just shocked every time I see a motorcyclist or a bicyclist speed by without a helmet! Best wishes in the contest!
Just a suggestion: the text should be in several new paragraphs. Typically, speech is in a separate paragraph but here it's just a quoted phrase, so it's not needed.
And "mama" is used like a name so I would capitalize it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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I'm so glad that this is a fictional story! It hurts just to imagine it. In Hawaii, there is no helmet law and I am just shocked every time I see a motorcyclist or a bicyclist speed by without a helmet! Best wishes in the contest!
Just a suggestion: the text should be in several new paragraphs. Typically, speech is in a separate paragraph but here it's just a quoted phrase, so it's not needed.
And "mama" is used like a name so I would capitalize it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you, as always for the feedback. It is much appreciated. So, Hawaii is home for you. Have a blessed day.
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It was where I am from and where my mom still is. I have had to keep going back this year because of mom's health and my dad's death. But I prefer a cooler clime now...