Long John Flanco
John rode many times for the American army...24 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This sounds like it really happened, which is the mark of good fiction writing. I didn't notice any editing errors. This story is easy to read and quite enjoyable. Best of luck in the Western Writing contest.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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This sounds like it really happened, which is the mark of good fiction writing. I didn't notice any editing errors. This story is easy to read and quite enjoyable. Best of luck in the Western Writing contest.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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thank you so much
Comment from Bobby Jo
Wow, poor horses as well. This is fascinating. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
I too have published a book Hoofprints of the Heart. You can check it out on authordenamason.com. It has a coming to God moment as a child and is told in a Little House on the Prarie and Walton taste that is told in a modern-day theme.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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Wow, poor horses as well. This is fascinating. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
I too have published a book Hoofprints of the Heart. You can check it out on authordenamason.com. It has a coming to God moment as a child and is told in a Little House on the Prarie and Walton taste that is told in a modern-day theme.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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wow thank you so much I seem to be short on words so Im going back and edit it.
Comment from irishauthorme
Remarkable account! Typical that these men in power, Gillespie and the Monterey men, went back on their promises.
It is not only the endurance but the sheer bravery of Juan Flaco that attests to his character.
Damn shame that heroes like this are ignored and forgotten while some of our rotten politicians are honored and enriched.
irish
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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Remarkable account! Typical that these men in power, Gillespie and the Monterey men, went back on their promises.
It is not only the endurance but the sheer bravery of Juan Flaco that attests to his character.
Damn shame that heroes like this are ignored and forgotten while some of our rotten politicians are honored and enriched.
irish
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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thank yo so much
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A well researched, thorough and interesting western tale.
So many tales of heroism during that period of history were not
given the attention they may well have deserved.
Thanks for sharing one of those tales.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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A well researched, thorough and interesting western tale.
So many tales of heroism during that period of history were not
given the attention they may well have deserved.
Thanks for sharing one of those tales.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
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thank you so much
Comment from nomi338
Sometimes the best and most heroic efforts of a lone individual is either ignored or underestimated. For the true hero, recognition is hardly ever the motivation. Thank God for that. Speaking of God, if the act is truly heroic and not self serving, God knows and there is no better witness than that.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Sometimes the best and most heroic efforts of a lone individual is either ignored or underestimated. For the true hero, recognition is hardly ever the motivation. Thank God for that. Speaking of God, if the act is truly heroic and not self serving, God knows and there is no better witness than that.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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so true, I believe he does know
Comment from Sanku
A tale of incredible bravery .He made an unbelievably tough ride to reach his destinationand succeeded but it is not his fault that it was in vain.Juan Franco is definitely a hero worth remembering
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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A tale of incredible bravery .He made an unbelievably tough ride to reach his destinationand succeeded but it is not his fault that it was in vain.Juan Franco is definitely a hero worth remembering
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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thank you so much
Comment from nor84
"Was" is used quite a bit, otherwise the story is fine. I can help you get rid of a couple of them but suggest you might want to look for others. 'Was' is usually best avoided because you want to keep your reader living the story as it unravels. Here's an example:
An officer by the name of Archibald Gillespie, (an American marine officer,) commanded (was placed in command) a company of fifty men to police Los Angeles. (Gillespie was an American marine officer. can be cut now.) He was chosen to command this group because he spoke excellent Spanish.
Well, that killed a couple of 'wases.' There's another one left in that section, but if I changed it to 'he had been chosen', it wouldn't be any better than 'was chosen.' Is it important why he was chosen? Can you get in the excellent Spanish somewhere else?
I'd suggest you might try to weed out 'was' and 'had been' as much as possible. Keep the drama and the action, avoid the telling as much as you can.
This review was meant to be helpful. If it wasn't, ignore it.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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"Was" is used quite a bit, otherwise the story is fine. I can help you get rid of a couple of them but suggest you might want to look for others. 'Was' is usually best avoided because you want to keep your reader living the story as it unravels. Here's an example:
An officer by the name of Archibald Gillespie, (an American marine officer,) commanded (was placed in command) a company of fifty men to police Los Angeles. (Gillespie was an American marine officer. can be cut now.) He was chosen to command this group because he spoke excellent Spanish.
Well, that killed a couple of 'wases.' There's another one left in that section, but if I changed it to 'he had been chosen', it wouldn't be any better than 'was chosen.' Is it important why he was chosen? Can you get in the excellent Spanish somewhere else?
I'd suggest you might try to weed out 'was' and 'had been' as much as possible. Keep the drama and the action, avoid the telling as much as you can.
This review was meant to be helpful. If it wasn't, ignore it.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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very helpful, I will reread and edit, thank you so much for your help
Comment from Zue65
I am in awe of Western fiction writers at this site. They are so thorough in their research for vital information needed to give credence to their write. The dates and names of historical figures made the story truthful and more interesting. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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I am in awe of Western fiction writers at this site. They are so thorough in their research for vital information needed to give credence to their write. The dates and names of historical figures made the story truthful and more interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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thank you do much for your kindness
Comment from Douglas Goff
Wow! What a great story about an incredible man. People did cra6
Y heroic things back in those days
foot.
One catch:
That night Juan Flanco slept in army barracks.
(an army barracks)
Thanks for this story!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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Wow! What a great story about an incredible man. People did cra6
Y heroic things back in those days
foot.
One catch:
That night Juan Flanco slept in army barracks.
(an army barracks)
Thanks for this story!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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thank you so much, I will fix the errors,
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Minor stuff. Great story. I should fix the SP errors in my review. Ha!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm sorry, but this was not your best work. The story is too long to be so convoluted. It was difficult to follow with characters who were mentioned only once, and dates that were confusing.
John Brown made his famous ride in 1846
At eight o'clock in the evening of September 25th, 1946, as John Temple swung open the gate...
You changed the name mid-way in the story.
Juan Flaco is pronounced "Wan Flocko"
That night Juan Flanco slept in army barracks. (The name remained Flanco to the end of the story)
My humble suggestions for future stories:
1. Show, don't just tell. You may want to read up on how you show a story without long drawn out narratives.
2. Break the story up with some dialogue. Let one of your characters actually talk to Juan. SHOW the reader what was said.
3. Give your story a moral or purpose. There is nothing worse for a reader than to read a lengthy piece that went nowhere.
I hope you are not offended. FanStory writers helped me. We all help each other to grow.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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I'm sorry, but this was not your best work. The story is too long to be so convoluted. It was difficult to follow with characters who were mentioned only once, and dates that were confusing.
John Brown made his famous ride in 1846
At eight o'clock in the evening of September 25th, 1946, as John Temple swung open the gate...
You changed the name mid-way in the story.
Juan Flaco is pronounced "Wan Flocko"
That night Juan Flanco slept in army barracks. (The name remained Flanco to the end of the story)
My humble suggestions for future stories:
1. Show, don't just tell. You may want to read up on how you show a story without long drawn out narratives.
2. Break the story up with some dialogue. Let one of your characters actually talk to Juan. SHOW the reader what was said.
3. Give your story a moral or purpose. There is nothing worse for a reader than to read a lengthy piece that went nowhere.
I hope you are not offended. FanStory writers helped me. We all help each other to grow.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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thank you and you are so right, I typed in a hurry, and didn't recheck, I will try and fix
