Death By Murder
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Death By Murder - Chap 10"A jewel heist, rival gangs and a cold case.
19 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
You really know how to pile on the action. My brain was racing as I read, naturally trying to figure out what would happen next. I'm glad a witness saw what was happening to Rudy. I'm also glad the police didn't think Sandy, with blood on her clothes and hands, and holding a bat, had anything to do with Rudy's beating. Rudy had a big drunken mouth, but I'm sorry he got beaten almost to death. You've added very interesting details. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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You really know how to pile on the action. My brain was racing as I read, naturally trying to figure out what would happen next. I'm glad a witness saw what was happening to Rudy. I'm also glad the police didn't think Sandy, with blood on her clothes and hands, and holding a bat, had anything to do with Rudy's beating. Rudy had a big drunken mouth, but I'm sorry he got beaten almost to death. You've added very interesting details. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Good morning Lorraine!
I smile every time I see your picture again when I read your kind thoughts on my story. Lots of action but I hope to add enough kindness and love entwined in the story too. Life needs some of both! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from JoannaN
It was a good moment to create some dramatic action. This robbery/assault sounds believable. I would separate this scene (bottom of the door) from (Sandy swung open) using asterisks.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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It was a good moment to create some dramatic action. This robbery/assault sounds believable. I would separate this scene (bottom of the door) from (Sandy swung open) using asterisks.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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Thank you Joann for reading and for your suggestion for improvement. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles,Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This isn't good. Mason and Paddy are horrible people. I am wondering if Sandy will be able to clue them in on the diamond aspect of this.
He could see Sally. "Run!"
Sandy charged toward them with her bat swinging in the air, screaming, "I'm going to batter your heads." (Sally??? I thought her name was Sandy.)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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This isn't good. Mason and Paddy are horrible people. I am wondering if Sandy will be able to clue them in on the diamond aspect of this.
He could see Sally. "Run!"
Sandy charged toward them with her bat swinging in the air, screaming, "I'm going to batter your heads." (Sally??? I thought her name was Sandy.)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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thanks, Barbara. I just changed the mistaken name. That's what I get for getting up at 3:30 (time change) and trying to function.LOL Appreciate the review and catching my errors.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a bloody chapter, Carol. I hope those two are caught. I hate violence and Usually where there is violence greed is evolved. Right? Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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What a bloody chapter, Carol. I hope those two are caught. I hate violence and Usually where there is violence greed is evolved. Right? Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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I agree with you, Nancy. I don't usually like to put gore in my story, but I felt it was really necessary. You won't see much of that happening through out the story.
Thanks for reading and enjoying. Hugs, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another great chapter, Carol, keeping us on the edge of our seats. Those diamonds are the scourge of many! Well done.
A couple of things: "He could see Sally(Sandy). "Run!"
"Mason and Paddy ran through the houses," - I don't think you meant they actually ran through the houses, do you? Perhaps rephrase, for example, Mason and Paddy ran through the alleys between the houses,
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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This is another great chapter, Carol, keeping us on the edge of our seats. Those diamonds are the scourge of many! Well done.
A couple of things: "He could see Sally(Sandy). "Run!"
"Mason and Paddy ran through the houses," - I don't think you meant they actually ran through the houses, do you? Perhaps rephrase, for example, Mason and Paddy ran through the alleys between the houses,
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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Errors fixed.
Thank you for pointing them out for me. That's what I get for trying to write at 3:30 in the morning. The time change messed with me.
thanks so much. Smiles, Carol
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You're most welcome, Carol. These things happen, hence the crazy formatting problems that showed up on my post, caught quickly by a couple of reviewers. I was rushing to get it ready to post before we were going out last night. I actually meant to save it for today. lol
Comment from prettybluebirds
Another skillfully written chapter to an excellent story. You have me hooked on this one, my friend. I check every day to see if you have written some more. I look forward to your next addition.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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Another skillfully written chapter to an excellent story. You have me hooked on this one, my friend. I check every day to see if you have written some more. I look forward to your next addition.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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There is so much more to come that will be so unexpected. I hope to keep you guessing and eager to serch out the answers.
Hug, Carol
Comment from Shirley McLain
A chapter full of action and tension. I hate cruelty even in a story, but this was so good. You did a great job again. I'm looking forward to the next installment. Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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A chapter full of action and tension. I hate cruelty even in a story, but this was so good. You did a great job again. I'm looking forward to the next installment. Shirley
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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I hate the cruelty as welll but it was needed in this case. You won't find too much of the actual gore within my writing.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
You certainly made this scene painful. I guess when it comes to riches it is hard for greedy people to keep their mouths shut. This is another well-written chapter.
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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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You certainly made this scene painful. I guess when it comes to riches it is hard for greedy people to keep their mouths shut. This is another well-written chapter.
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Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much, Beth. Trouble lies in so many different places and the unexpected should surprise you. Or I hope!
Hugs. Carol
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is an interesting read and has kept me following along through much of it.
This sentence needs a rework as it is missing something like 'the type or kinda person':
You don't strike me as falling for everything you hear. People like to talk."
Other than that, great work. You are very good!
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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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This is an interesting read and has kept me following along through much of it.
This sentence needs a rework as it is missing something like 'the type or kinda person':
You don't strike me as falling for everything you hear. People like to talk."
Other than that, great work. You are very good!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2022
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I appreciate the review and your thoughtfulness, Douglas. I am happy that you enjoyed this chapter. I was gone for a long time and now I am thrilled that people love what I am writing.
Smiles, Carol