The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Return Chapter 20"Erotic Turmoil
37 total reviews
Comment from alexisleech
I love your attention to detail, Sandra. It allows the reader to visualise the scene, which in turn, takes them there like a secret voyeur to absorb what is going on around them.
The tension is building beautifully - well done!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I love your attention to detail, Sandra. It allows the reader to visualise the scene, which in turn, takes them there like a secret voyeur to absorb what is going on around them.
The tension is building beautifully - well done!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for another wonderful review, and the golden sixth star!! You always manage to put a smile on my face. Thank you, dear friend. Love and hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Fleedleflump
I very much enjoyed the chapter with its rich characters and clear situations. Loved the intrigue in the final conversation, handled with subtlety.
Some thoughts, if I may (and they're all very minor). Please note, I see these more as suggestions for a pro manuscript than nits I'm trying to pick:
'his face twisted with all the pent up hate he'd harboured for her for years.' - I think you can remove 'for her' to make this flow better as it's clear who the hate is directed at.
'The satisfaction she'd expected to feel, had not happened.' - the comma made me pause, which felt wrong
'anyone seeing his smile, which also added a sparkle to his eyes' - makes it sound as though the smile itself physically adds sparkle to his eyes, whereas I assume it's more that he also has a sparkle
'Joshua, like the rest of society, had known about the scandal that had prevented his friend's marriage.' - I feel this could be a more active sentence by replacing 'that had prevented' with 'preventing'
Also, in the following sentence (and in much writing) 'had been' can be replaced with 'was' for more pace
'Without admitting it, Richard was more of a coward than his father.' - I feel like we're in Richard's PoV at this point, so this sentence struck as odd. Reading ahead, I'd say you could completely remove this sentence, given it's implied heavily by what follows.
'And even a friend wouldn't relish the idea of delivering the news of his son's continued relationship with Meg.' - the 'and' at the start could be removed altogether
'That he'd disliked Mr Turnbull, was no secret' - unnecessary comma
I hope that helps.
Mike
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I very much enjoyed the chapter with its rich characters and clear situations. Loved the intrigue in the final conversation, handled with subtlety.
Some thoughts, if I may (and they're all very minor). Please note, I see these more as suggestions for a pro manuscript than nits I'm trying to pick:
'his face twisted with all the pent up hate he'd harboured for her for years.' - I think you can remove 'for her' to make this flow better as it's clear who the hate is directed at.
'The satisfaction she'd expected to feel, had not happened.' - the comma made me pause, which felt wrong
'anyone seeing his smile, which also added a sparkle to his eyes' - makes it sound as though the smile itself physically adds sparkle to his eyes, whereas I assume it's more that he also has a sparkle
'Joshua, like the rest of society, had known about the scandal that had prevented his friend's marriage.' - I feel this could be a more active sentence by replacing 'that had prevented' with 'preventing'
Also, in the following sentence (and in much writing) 'had been' can be replaced with 'was' for more pace
'Without admitting it, Richard was more of a coward than his father.' - I feel like we're in Richard's PoV at this point, so this sentence struck as odd. Reading ahead, I'd say you could completely remove this sentence, given it's implied heavily by what follows.
'And even a friend wouldn't relish the idea of delivering the news of his son's continued relationship with Meg.' - the 'and' at the start could be removed altogether
'That he'd disliked Mr Turnbull, was no secret' - unnecessary comma
I hope that helps.
Mike
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Hi Mike,
Thank you so very much for this really helpful review. Yes, it helped enormously. I've taken your suggestions on board and already used them. If I had a reviewing nomination left, it would be yours. I do hope you will continue reviewing my chapters.😊
I also appreciated your comments on the rest of the chapter, and can't thank you enough. You've made my day. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I hope he enjoys his special meal. It's well deserved, isn't it? He's a horrible man, and deserves whatever species of nightshade was growing in the garden. think I might enjoy watching him eat it.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I hope he enjoys his special meal. It's well deserved, isn't it? He's a horrible man, and deserves whatever species of nightshade was growing in the garden. think I might enjoy watching him eat it.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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LOL, yes, his meal will go down a treat! Thank you so much, Cindy, for this really lovely review. I'm really pleased you enjoyed reading it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lancellot
Splendid way to end the chapter. Elegant and brimming with delicious upper class evil. This was rich chapter, good on the scene switches, and not a thing was lost. It was trim and well crafted. Perfect work.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Splendid way to end the chapter. Elegant and brimming with delicious upper class evil. This was rich chapter, good on the scene switches, and not a thing was lost. It was trim and well crafted. Perfect work.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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What an amazing review, Lancellot, thank you so very much! Some upper class weren't nice people. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, and that you thought the scene switches were good, that meant a lot to me. A big thank you for the sixth star! That was truly kind of you. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from John Ciarmello
LOVED IT! I'm used to having Bessie and Meg in all your scenes, so this one read a bit longingly for them, but I can assure you the intensity did not falter. I had forgotten how Gwendolyn hated her father, and now she will attempt the same demise on Lord Crawly?? Oh, DANG! Great stuff, my friend Sandra.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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LOVED IT! I'm used to having Bessie and Meg in all your scenes, so this one read a bit longingly for them, but I can assure you the intensity did not falter. I had forgotten how Gwendolyn hated her father, and now she will attempt the same demise on Lord Crawly?? Oh, DANG! Great stuff, my friend Sandra.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thanks so much, John. It wasn't until I reached the end that I realised Bessie and Meg didn't make an appearance. They will in the next chapter! Gwendolyn has been treated terribly by her father and then her husband, so she's a tad upset!! Lol. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
A fascinating chapter, Sandra. Intrigue and counter intrigue, and now there's a murder planned. I enjoyed the scene between Joshua and Miles. Very civilised.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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A fascinating chapter, Sandra. Intrigue and counter intrigue, and now there's a murder planned. I enjoyed the scene between Joshua and Miles. Very civilised.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Aww, Tony, I thought you'd stopped talking to me! I had to check up in my 'Comments' about a review I wrote, and saw my 5 had dropped to a 4 on the review I wrote for you. ! I immediately put it right. I was mortified!
I have to have some civility in the book! Lol. This book won't be nearly as long as my others. I suddenly realised there is only so much more I can write before it loses it's way. Thank you so much for the six, I feel even worse now! You're such a nice friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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I thought perhaps that the four was a slip of the finger, but since it made no difference to my life, I thought it kinder not to mention it. Your encouragement and friendship are of inestimably more than a fallen star.
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Aw, thank you, Tony. Your friendship is valued highly, too. 😊
Comment from dmt1967
This is another great chapter. Why was it most men of that era were brutish dicks? The characters are certainly true to the characters of those days. I hope the butler poisons his master lol. Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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This is another great chapter. Why was it most men of that era were brutish dicks? The characters are certainly true to the characters of those days. I hope the butler poisons his master lol. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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They were, weren't they? I've researched what life was like in the 1800s and wasn't impressed. I sometimes think some men today think they can do that even now. I don't think I would have wanted to be in the uppercrust if I'd lived back then! Thanks so much, Jackie for another lovely review and for that super sixth star! You're wonderful!! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This chapter 20 of the novel continues taletelling about Miles, though a penniless, but surprisingly inherited his father's title, has a favour to ask his friend, best friend is always there; well said, well done; post god speed more; positively encouraging editing, negatively not wording, forgiving errors of theist-good authors-writers. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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This chapter 20 of the novel continues taletelling about Miles, though a penniless, but surprisingly inherited his father's title, has a favour to ask his friend, best friend is always there; well said, well done; post god speed more; positively encouraging editing, negatively not wording, forgiving errors of theist-good authors-writers. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thank you so much D R, for another lovely review. I do appreciate you reading my chapters. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
. . .and the plot thickens. This chapter read well, Sandra.
It's filled with great details and hints of what may become
important information about several 'things, 'Joshua's intro-
duction now adds some intrigue into what he knew and didn't
in those nine years. I believe the dress MIles referred to was
the green gown Margot found in the trunk early on in this
story. Richard is a shady character for sure. He's sinister as
you stated. He knows his plan will have to be carefully laid out
so as to relieve him of any blame. So Jenkins and Gwen are an
item. He called her his mistress--even if he may be too old for her.
The special meal seems to be in the planning. The spicier the
better to hide the poison plant growing in the garden. Gwen
implicated herself in the discussion when she mentioned how
much her late father enjoyed the spicy meal, too. What a
nutcase she is and alcoholic. You have added some great twists
to an already great story. Looking forward to the next.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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. . .and the plot thickens. This chapter read well, Sandra.
It's filled with great details and hints of what may become
important information about several 'things, 'Joshua's intro-
duction now adds some intrigue into what he knew and didn't
in those nine years. I believe the dress MIles referred to was
the green gown Margot found in the trunk early on in this
story. Richard is a shady character for sure. He's sinister as
you stated. He knows his plan will have to be carefully laid out
so as to relieve him of any blame. So Jenkins and Gwen are an
item. He called her his mistress--even if he may be too old for her.
The special meal seems to be in the planning. The spicier the
better to hide the poison plant growing in the garden. Gwen
implicated herself in the discussion when she mentioned how
much her late father enjoyed the spicy meal, too. What a
nutcase she is and alcoholic. You have added some great twists
to an already great story. Looking forward to the next.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thank you so very much, Jan, for another fabulous review. You did me a humongous favour in this one. In one recent chapter I forgot the ballgown was green, and made it a red one by mistake!! I had to go back to that chapter and correct it! Phew!! 😵💫I would never have noticed that. Thank you!!! You are such a wonderful reviewer, my friend. (Oh, and you might just be right about what is in the box!) Warm hugs, my friend. 🥰💞😊🌺🌻🌼🌹💐 xxx Sandra
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This story seems filled with people who have no consciences. Meg/Margo and Miles are the only decent people, so they have to win. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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This story seems filled with people who have no consciences. Meg/Margo and Miles are the only decent people, so they have to win. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Carol. I don't think the upper-classes did have a conscience in those times. Many don't now, unfortunately. But good always wins in the end, especially in my stories!! Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
