Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Revenge - Chap 35"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
15 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
I notice a pattern in your storytelling. Whenever a character has a plan, you let the reader know what the plan is. However, something always happens to disrupt the plan. (This is what makes your stories so compelling).
Marian was in the dark hallway when she noticed, "the door was open, and someone was standing there." My heart dropped. There goes her plan. But thankfully, it was Max to the rescue. I can't wait to see how they drug Charles. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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I notice a pattern in your storytelling. Whenever a character has a plan, you let the reader know what the plan is. However, something always happens to disrupt the plan. (This is what makes your stories so compelling).
Marian was in the dark hallway when she noticed, "the door was open, and someone was standing there." My heart dropped. There goes her plan. But thankfully, it was Max to the rescue. I can't wait to see how they drug Charles. Great chapter.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Though it sounds like I am complaining because I can't catch up.... well, I guess I am, but it doesn't change how much I appreciate your support and continued encouragement. Thank you as always.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Still you are not done, crime makes everything longer and longer, moreover, your interesting and appreciable work concept has to portray the state of mystery to draw the readers' attention to the creative progression of the concept, and revenge is naturally a wild, immoral and inhuman act, so it is other face of crime; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Still you are not done, crime makes everything longer and longer, moreover, your interesting and appreciable work concept has to portray the state of mystery to draw the readers' attention to the creative progression of the concept, and revenge is naturally a wild, immoral and inhuman act, so it is other face of crime; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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I'm circling the wagons but other people keep throwing things into the stew... Sooner or later that noose is going to get tight enough to draw them in....at least the writer hopes it does.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is the nerve wracking part. i'm hoping it goes smoothly. They should be able to put a seditive in Charles liquor he has cooling, but he might give Jaz some and put her out too. Oh well, I'll let you handle it. You must have a plan nailed down.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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This is the nerve wracking part. i'm hoping it goes smoothly. They should be able to put a seditive in Charles liquor he has cooling, but he might give Jaz some and put her out too. Oh well, I'll let you handle it. You must have a plan nailed down.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Though it sounds like I am complaining because I can't catch up.... well, I guess I am, but it doesn't change how much I appreciate your support and continued encouragement. Thank you as always.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from royowen
Ah, Max to the rescue, but now they have to work out a plan to divert Charles's attention and rescue Jaz, but that isn't going to be easy to do. Meanwhile, James, alias Vito is going to Francine's to meet with Sam, I wonder if they'll be able to put their plan into action? Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : ax? Max? 2 : Wait for the (Calvary) cavalry?
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Ah, Max to the rescue, but now they have to work out a plan to divert Charles's attention and rescue Jaz, but that isn't going to be easy to do. Meanwhile, James, alias Vito is going to Francine's to meet with Sam, I wonder if they'll be able to put their plan into action? Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : ax? Max? 2 : Wait for the (Calvary) cavalry?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Though it sounds like I am complaining because I can't catch up.... well, I guess I am, but it doesn't change how much I appreciate your support and continued encouragement. Thank you as always.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is all coming together. I am glad Max is there to help Marian. I feel she needs it. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Charles interrupted them. "It sounds like a good idea, James. (comma after 'them')
Cheryl pleaded with James. "I won't leave her side. (comma after 'James')
Marian laughed, "Of course I did, silly. (period after 'laughed')
Cheryl wailed in distress. "Maybe we can make you throw up. (comma after distress)
Marian frowned, "He's not touching any of them if I can help it." (period after frowned)
Get ahold of yourself, girl. You're letting your imagination run rampant. ('a hold' and it's thought, don't you do thought in blue?)
The stranger laughed, and Marian sprang at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, whispering, "ax, how did you find me?"
"Your memory fails you, babe. I, too, spent a few summers roaming these halls with the adventurous likes of you."He kissed her. "You don't think I'd leave you here alone, do you?" (Two dialogues in one paragraph. Also 'Max??? & no quotation mark needed in front of 'He')
"That's your plan?" Max gave her a skeptical scowl. "How were you going to overcome Charles?"
"I thought I could distract him, but I wasn't sure how." (Two dialogues in one paragraph.)
"Wait for the calvary? "Safe in Max's arms, she doubted everything, including her ability to save Jaz and the others. (The ending quotation mark need to be closer to the question mark)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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This is all coming together. I am glad Max is there to help Marian. I feel she needs it. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Charles interrupted them. "It sounds like a good idea, James. (comma after 'them')
Cheryl pleaded with James. "I won't leave her side. (comma after 'James')
Marian laughed, "Of course I did, silly. (period after 'laughed')
Cheryl wailed in distress. "Maybe we can make you throw up. (comma after distress)
Marian frowned, "He's not touching any of them if I can help it." (period after frowned)
Get ahold of yourself, girl. You're letting your imagination run rampant. ('a hold' and it's thought, don't you do thought in blue?)
The stranger laughed, and Marian sprang at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, whispering, "ax, how did you find me?"
"Your memory fails you, babe. I, too, spent a few summers roaming these halls with the adventurous likes of you."He kissed her. "You don't think I'd leave you here alone, do you?" (Two dialogues in one paragraph. Also 'Max??? & no quotation mark needed in front of 'He')
"That's your plan?" Max gave her a skeptical scowl. "How were you going to overcome Charles?"
"I thought I could distract him, but I wasn't sure how." (Two dialogues in one paragraph.)
"Wait for the calvary? "Safe in Max's arms, she doubted everything, including her ability to save Jaz and the others. (The ending quotation mark need to be closer to the question mark)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Help! On my page and on my Word Page, I can't find any of those paragraphs running together. When I first posted I got all double "" and the missing first letter. I corrected and I thought all was fine. I have no idea what's happening, but right now on this end, Everything is separated. I am going to repost and see what happens. Thanks for the heads up.
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No problem. I copied and pasted as I saw them.
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Would you mind looking at it again. I cleared the board and posted again. I don't see anything, but I hadn't expected all those double quotes either. Thanks
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The paragraphs are separated but don't forget about the rest. I glanced through and didn't any other corrections. Examples before, but the rest are there too.
Her intruder chuckled, "That's a picture of your grandfather (period after chuckled)
I, too, spent a few summers roaming these halls with the adventurous likes of you."He kissed her ( the quotation mark should be by 'you.' and then a space before 'He')
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Thanks. I'll check it again
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Thanks again Barbara. I hope I got it all now.