Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

You have made excellent use of your seventeen sylables in this thought-provoking piece. I must say I wouldn't have understood it withour the notes. The hat is like a security blanket.

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Janice,

You are right, my silly hat provided just enough shelter with the wide open vistas that I didn't feel so exposed. I'm a city girl and wondered why I had this feeling of vulnerability, almost like I was a target out there in the overwhelming beauty of the countryside.

So strange... I looked it up and found a name for it, Kenophobia.

Have a great week, Janice :))
Senyai

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Janice,

You are right, my silly hat provided just enough shelter with the wide open vistas that I didn't feel so exposed. I'm a city girl and wondered why I had this feeling of vulnerability, almost like I was a target out there in the overwhelming beauty of the countryside.

So strange... I looked it up and found a name for it, Kenophobia.

Have a great week, Janice :))
Senyai

Comment from Robert Zimmerman

Excellent

Hello Senyai.

You have met the style standard for writing the (senryu) 5-7-5 poem. As I read your verse, I am guessing the hat is the refuge you seek. Good luck in the contest.

Robert

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Robert,

You guessed it, my hat provided my refuge for this city girl. Silly me...

I appreciate your time to read and assess my work.

Have an excellent week :))
Always,
Senyai

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 22-Aug-2021

I wear a wide brimmed hat because I grew up in the country. HAHAHA

reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021

:))

Comment from Pamela Lear

Excellent

Hmmm, lots to think about here. I really like this poem. The relationships of a "brimmed" sky and a hat for protection, possibly from vistas that are "distant," representing the unknown, which can be frightening.

It makes me curious if the subject is calmed by the scene at hand, or frightened? If it is something new to her? I love things like this that make me wonder, but don't necessarily provide an answer. That way, I can imagine and create a story that may have meaning for me. Thanks!

P.S. I wrote this before reading the comments below the poem. I did not want to change it based on that, but I do see those comments now.

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Pam,

Oh, thank you for such a perceptive review and thoughts.
Yes, I too like poems that leave something to the imagination so it can become more my own experience. I kind of explained it away in my author's notes LOL.

Have a great week, Pam :))
Senyai

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Senryu (invasion of space)
by Senyai

Cool entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt contest. Good syllables count and connection between lines. Nice imagery and presentation.

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Gypsy,

Thank you for a kind review and encouraging comments on my poem.
I appreciate your expertise.

Have a great week, Gypsy :))
Senyai

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

I can understand that feeling when you aren't used to the wide space. Towns are very claustrophobic to me. Your 5-7-5 poem says it perfectly. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Sandra,

Oh thank you for a great review and interesting comments! Very much appreciated.

Have a great week, Sandra :))
Senyai

Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan

Excellent

A beautifully written poem. You have expressed in a few words what I can see in the picture. great match. Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hello Seshadri,

Thanks for a sweet review and comments! :))

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very well written 5-7-5 poem you have penned about wide open spaces. You used very good descriptive words and very nice imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hello Teri,

Thanks for a great review and thoughts! :))

Comment from Raul1

Excellent

A wonderful and beautifully written poem. The sentences flow with clarity.
Excellent work! I really did enjoy reading it. No mistakes found. Thank you for sharing! Good job!

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hello Raul,

Thanks for a great review and comments! :))

reply by Raul1 on 22-Aug-2021

You're welcome!

Comment from Katie Mae Dead

Excellent

Firstly, I'm so sorry you have this condition. I thrive in wide open spaces. I have claustrophobia..fear if confined spaces.
This is a perfect senryu. Iove the ope ing...

Wide brimmed sky opens...you make reference to your hat....that's genius!

Sug: perhaps, in your second part, make some kind of reference to your phobia. That way the 3rd line would fall into place. Go to rhymezone.com and find synonyms for the word "intimidating" and fit that word into your 2nd line somehow. Maybe...:into overwhelming skies"
Your last line
would then be a response to your first two.
Best wishes in the contest.
Ps. I have a little agoraphobia too. Don't feel bad. LOL
Katiemae Dead

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Katiemae,

Thank you for your detailed review and suggestions. I kind of flopped on this one to be frank. Think it needs work but tis done for now and heading to the junk heap.

Thanks again for your time to review. Have a great Sunday :))

Comment from Mark D. R.

Excellent

Thanks for your explanation for kenophobia - a new word for my vocabulary.

Keeping her hat on may indeed help her with her fears.

Best wishes in the contest voting.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021

Hi Mark,

Thanks for a great review and comments, sir! :))