The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Chronicles Of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
11 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am wondering what will happen when the news gets back to the ship about the men who went ashore. This can't be good. Thank you for sharing.
Their lakes and waterfalls appeared so clear that she could see straight through to the rocks. ( you can omit 'that')
When Brehira saw that they were all draped in priestly garments with jeweled headdresses, (again 'that')
"Then I take it you did not tell them who you were?"
"We weren't certain until well into the journey that they could be trusted with knowing royal blood was aboard," Ndornah said.
"And even then, we said nothing," added Melitah.
"You did wisely, my daughters. You may tell Lady Abram that her gesgea's request has been granted."
"Bless you, Mother," they said in unison and bowed--backstepping before turning and leaving her sight. (this is dialogue and a new paragraph starts when a different person speaks. & there are a few other places with the same problem with dialogue.
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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I am wondering what will happen when the news gets back to the ship about the men who went ashore. This can't be good. Thank you for sharing.
Their lakes and waterfalls appeared so clear that she could see straight through to the rocks. ( you can omit 'that')
When Brehira saw that they were all draped in priestly garments with jeweled headdresses, (again 'that')
"Then I take it you did not tell them who you were?"
"We weren't certain until well into the journey that they could be trusted with knowing royal blood was aboard," Ndornah said.
"And even then, we said nothing," added Melitah.
"You did wisely, my daughters. You may tell Lady Abram that her gesgea's request has been granted."
"Bless you, Mother," they said in unison and bowed--backstepping before turning and leaving her sight. (this is dialogue and a new paragraph starts when a different person speaks. & there are a few other places with the same problem with dialogue.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Yeah, I know, Barbara, I purposely did it because all of those spaces would have made the chapter appear too long. But thank you for your review.