Heart Crafted Poems -2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Walking the Strand"Musings of an old man -2021
41 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
I am always impressed by poets that can construct any type of Sonnet and especially those, like you, that make them lucid and flows well, not seem forced poetically.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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I am always impressed by poets that can construct any type of Sonnet and especially those, like you, that make them lucid and flows well, not seem forced poetically.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the validation.
Comment from Jeffrey Ford
Hello, I think that you wrote a very creative poem. Its great to experience love on a beautiful beach, and you gave very great description of it. I enjoyed the line "Carefree sweethearts view waves above the strand." There is nothing like sitting on the beach with a loved one listening to the peaceful waves. This is a very great poem and thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Hello, I think that you wrote a very creative poem. Its great to experience love on a beautiful beach, and you gave very great description of it. I enjoyed the line "Carefree sweethearts view waves above the strand." There is nothing like sitting on the beach with a loved one listening to the peaceful waves. This is a very great poem and thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Hi Jeffrey! Where you been? Thanks for dropping in on this sonnet.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so glad you get to keep learning from Jim.
I like the sweet way you show the narrator's desire but alas, apparently this relationship was not to be.
Does the spenserian sonnet have to be iambic meter also? The following lines were not iambic in my pronunciation:
"and I would start each day atop marshland." (I say MARSHland)
Carefree sweethearts view waves above the strand. (CAREfree SWEEThearts)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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I'm so glad you get to keep learning from Jim.
I like the sweet way you show the narrator's desire but alas, apparently this relationship was not to be.
Does the spenserian sonnet have to be iambic meter also? The following lines were not iambic in my pronunciation:
"and I would start each day atop marshland." (I say MARSHland)
Carefree sweethearts view waves above the strand. (CAREfree SWEEThearts)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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I am not first generation English speaking so we probably will not find common ground on this , but thank you as always.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I actually like the original version better because it has more of humor in it. Now it doesn't seem to be as sunny. Maybe this meant to be a free verse. Still I like it a lot. Can you tell me what does the last line mean? What does "bombed" mean here?
thus this short-lived romance, at last, has bombed.
Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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I actually like the original version better because it has more of humor in it. Now it doesn't seem to be as sunny. Maybe this meant to be a free verse. Still I like it a lot. Can you tell me what does the last line mean? What does "bombed" mean here?
thus this short-lived romance, at last, has bombed.
Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Bombed, slang for failed.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello JLR,
Nice piece of Romance Poetry in the form of Spenserian Sonnet meeting the desired norms, having impressive phraseology, smooth flow with lovely rhyming scheme, and beautifully depicting LOVE culminating in the last two lines.
Laudable Attempt!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Hello JLR,
Nice piece of Romance Poetry in the form of Spenserian Sonnet meeting the desired norms, having impressive phraseology, smooth flow with lovely rhyming scheme, and beautifully depicting LOVE culminating in the last two lines.
Laudable Attempt!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Thanks
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JLR, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your sonnet is excellent--skillfully written, vividly descriptive with an appealing blend of figurative and literal language--and of romance and nature. Then that last line slapped me right in the face!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Your sonnet is excellent--skillfully written, vividly descriptive with an appealing blend of figurative and literal language--and of romance and nature. Then that last line slapped me right in the face!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Ha ha! Thanks for your review and comments, I enjoyed the twist.
Comment from dragonpoet
JLR,
This is a well done Spencerian sonnet about love found and lost quickly. It shows how capricious love can be.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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JLR,
This is a well done Spencerian sonnet about love found and lost quickly. It shows how capricious love can be.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thanks for the review Joan.
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My pleasure, JLR.
Joan
Comment from royowen
Some relationships I had when young where like the firecrackers referred to squibs, were very similar to those relationships, I was only just saying, I had intense relationships with girls and can't remember their names, beautifully written my friend, excellent artwork, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Some relationships I had when young where like the firecrackers referred to squibs, were very similar to those relationships, I was only just saying, I had intense relationships with girls and can't remember their names, beautifully written my friend, excellent artwork, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thanks Roy.
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Most welcome Jim.
Comment from rspoet
Hello JLR,
You've written an excellent Spencerian sonnet
with very good linking rhymes and a excellent
touch of humor in the last line.
Personally, I try to avoid internal rhymes,
such as "glide in stride," in sonnet forms,
especially if there are close together.
You could simply use "step."
The descriptions are excellent and the final couplet
brings a smile to the reader.
Well done.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hello JLR,
You've written an excellent Spencerian sonnet
with very good linking rhymes and a excellent
touch of humor in the last line.
Personally, I try to avoid internal rhymes,
such as "glide in stride," in sonnet forms,
especially if there are close together.
You could simply use "step."
The descriptions are excellent and the final couplet
brings a smile to the reader.
Well done.
Robert
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Robert, thank you, I will watch that internal rhyme in the future. I did use your suggestion , thank you
Comment from Sanku
The form of spenserian sonnet is very well adhered to with the appropriate rhyme scheme.
The short lived though the romance is , it has left a distinct marks on the persons psyche.Juxtaposing emotions and waves is a very good strategy.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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The form of spenserian sonnet is very well adhered to with the appropriate rhyme scheme.
The short lived though the romance is , it has left a distinct marks on the persons psyche.Juxtaposing emotions and waves is a very good strategy.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Sanku, thank you for your review and comments.