Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Football Chapter 6 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You do great dialogue! It sounds very realistic. I wonder, however, if you could make the scenes seem more real if you add info of sight, smell, sound, etc. I would think they would hear boys on football field. Maybe autumn leaves are changing and falling and have a smell as well as someone burning leaves (at least that is the smell of football season in the Midwest). School hallways smell of disinfectant or Mrs. Frost's perfume. School halls can be plain and utilitarian, or our school had students paint murals and quotes. I'm assuming what people look like and how they dress was in earlier chapters, but the senses do add color to life.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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You do great dialogue! It sounds very realistic. I wonder, however, if you could make the scenes seem more real if you add info of sight, smell, sound, etc. I would think they would hear boys on football field. Maybe autumn leaves are changing and falling and have a smell as well as someone burning leaves (at least that is the smell of football season in the Midwest). School hallways smell of disinfectant or Mrs. Frost's perfume. School halls can be plain and utilitarian, or our school had students paint murals and quotes. I'm assuming what people look like and how they dress was in earlier chapters, but the senses do add color to life.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Leaves don't change in Texas until December. I don't put in a lot of detail because I don't like reading detail. In my opinion it distracts from the story. Imagination is much better than reading it.
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That would make me so mad! People like that are sick. I'm glad Katherine had Gabriel and Paul there to help out. But can they prove it was Frost? It will be difficult without seeing his face. There is something seriously wrong with that man. Well done, Barbara, another lovely chapter. :)) Sandraxx
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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That would make me so mad! People like that are sick. I'm glad Katherine had Gabriel and Paul there to help out. But can they prove it was Frost? It will be difficult without seeing his face. There is something seriously wrong with that man. Well done, Barbara, another lovely chapter. :)) Sandraxx
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from estory
Your dialogue is nice and lively, very realistic, as they contemplate and watch the video of the tires being slashed. Katherine seems a little bit too resigned there; I think she would be a little more upset, maybe even scared. We get the helpfullness of the two men in the school as they offer to lend her money to pay for the tires and find someone to get the job done on short notice. estory
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Your dialogue is nice and lively, very realistic, as they contemplate and watch the video of the tires being slashed. Katherine seems a little bit too resigned there; I think she would be a little more upset, maybe even scared. We get the helpfullness of the two men in the school as they offer to lend her money to pay for the tires and find someone to get the job done on short notice. estory
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(shortcut is one word)
Gripping--brisk pace--great dialog--I've been following this for a while--I figured it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of this guy!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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(shortcut is one word)
Gripping--brisk pace--great dialog--I've been following this for a while--I figured it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of this guy!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This story is simply riveting. I begin reading and am glued to the very end still wanting to read more. Your characters are so real and the situation is so believable. Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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This story is simply riveting. I begin reading and am glued to the very end still wanting to read more. Your characters are so real and the situation is so believable. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from eliz100
This is an interesting development, four slashed tires. This segment added a new twist - Is it or isn't it Mr. Frost? This is well written, as usual. It keeps me interested. I am looking forward to the next segment.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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This is an interesting development, four slashed tires. This segment added a new twist - Is it or isn't it Mr. Frost? This is well written, as usual. It keeps me interested. I am looking forward to the next segment.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Oh, well. I knew that dork would have to give up some time. So I suppose we'll just see him slinking away quietly into the darkness to never be heard from again. That's awesome.
--sigh --
Or..... not. Jerk.. Some of them cannot get a message.
Cool chapter. No nits! Thanks!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Barbara,
Oh, well. I knew that dork would have to give up some time. So I suppose we'll just see him slinking away quietly into the darkness to never be heard from again. That's awesome.
--sigh --
Or..... not. Jerk.. Some of them cannot get a message.
Cool chapter. No nits! Thanks!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from seaglass
Mr Frost is "crusin' for a bruisin'," to quote my mother. lol...he can't seem to stop himself. Will be interesting to see how this plays out. This man must have had a major breakdown to not remember his place of employment has security cameras. I wonder if dementia is beginning in his brain.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Mr Frost is "crusin' for a bruisin'," to quote my mother. lol...he can't seem to stop himself. Will be interesting to see how this plays out. This man must have had a major breakdown to not remember his place of employment has security cameras. I wonder if dementia is beginning in his brain.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Jay Squires
Unsplash has a few images of flat tires. I like using them because they are totally free, as long as you credit the photographer and Unsplash.
This chapter, as with the previous ones, is entertaining and the reader has the feeling of things about ready to explode, both relationally and plot-wise. This is a good tribute to your pacing.
I think it's about time you updated Gabriel Hudson's bio. Unless there is a reason you are holding off on it.
Were you able to contact Aimee?
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Unsplash has a few images of flat tires. I like using them because they are totally free, as long as you credit the photographer and Unsplash.
This chapter, as with the previous ones, is entertaining and the reader has the feeling of things about ready to explode, both relationally and plot-wise. This is a good tribute to your pacing.
I think it's about time you updated Gabriel Hudson's bio. Unless there is a reason you are holding off on it.
Were you able to contact Aimee?
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement. Not yet. I will have to wait now until Christmas break,.
Comment from judiverse
Katherine is certainly being tested, even before school is actually underway. She has so many distractions, it'll be hard for her to focus on teaching. She was absolutely right to report the slashed tires. The police are going to wonder what's going on with her if she reports another incident. I don't think Mrs. Frost could have slashed the tires. It doesn't seem like something a woman would do. Besides, she's mostly interested in getting help for her husband. Gabriel expedites getting tires for her car, so she's indebted to him again. Very compelling story. Katherine seems to be keeping herself together pretty well, despite of what Frost has thrown in her way. judi
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2020
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Katherine is certainly being tested, even before school is actually underway. She has so many distractions, it'll be hard for her to focus on teaching. She was absolutely right to report the slashed tires. The police are going to wonder what's going on with her if she reports another incident. I don't think Mrs. Frost could have slashed the tires. It doesn't seem like something a woman would do. Besides, she's mostly interested in getting help for her husband. Gabriel expedites getting tires for her car, so she's indebted to him again. Very compelling story. Katherine seems to be keeping herself together pretty well, despite of what Frost has thrown in her way. judi
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2020
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Katherine is a strong lady and it will become very important later. Thank you for the kind review.