Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Nowhere Land"Musings of an old man -2020
26 total reviews
Comment from estory
There's this poignant contrast in this poem between happy memories, and the grim reality of the present. You have these great images of fly fishing, but that cast out to nowhere is like a forshadowing of what is to come. Sitting there with that half empty bottle, lost in the middle of nowhere in particular. Nice job with the ode form here, I thought the voice was very personal and honest, straight from the heart, and there is a haunting melancholy to it. estory
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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There's this poignant contrast in this poem between happy memories, and the grim reality of the present. You have these great images of fly fishing, but that cast out to nowhere is like a forshadowing of what is to come. Sitting there with that half empty bottle, lost in the middle of nowhere in particular. Nice job with the ode form here, I thought the voice was very personal and honest, straight from the heart, and there is a haunting melancholy to it. estory
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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estory, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my free verse poem.
Comment from Carlos' girl
my God, this is one beautiful poem that uses free verse so effectively; this poem really moved me. The terrible pain these homeless vets endure, I think most people have great sympathy. There is a quality to your vet's story coupled with trout fishing and his thoughts that may have found him homeless which makes it all the more heartwrenching
I wonder if i could mention this possibility:
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paragraph 2: whose laces have to long s/b whose laces have long...
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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my God, this is one beautiful poem that uses free verse so effectively; this poem really moved me. The terrible pain these homeless vets endure, I think most people have great sympathy. There is a quality to your vet's story coupled with trout fishing and his thoughts that may have found him homeless which makes it all the more heartwrenching
I wonder if i could mention this possibility:
:
paragraph 2: whose laces have to long s/b whose laces have long...
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Carlos girl thank you for your considerable insight and thoughtful suggestion. I am humbled by receiving your six-star review, validating this message.
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I lost my home in NYC and had to start all over. It happened after I had undiagnosed cancer and lost my job,. To lose your home is one devastating thing after the other. I have a home now that I love, but it wasn't easy. Social Services is both a blessing and a curse.
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I lost my home in NYC and had to start all over. It happened after I had undiagnosed cancer and lost my job,. To lose your home is one devastating thing after the other. I have a home now that I love, but it wasn't easy. Social Services is both a blessing and a curse.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem about the homeless veterans who served their country while they were young and now are put aside while politicians run the race for power.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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A very well-written free verse poem about the homeless veterans who served their country while they were young and now are put aside while politicians run the race for power.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Sandra, thank you, it just irks me that there has been such waste in this election cycle and not one bit of focus on who what or how to address so many of America's ills.
Comment from Mastery
"But for the grace of God, there go I." definitely applies here, Jim. After my eight years on active in the Marines, I wasn't sure of what to do. No family to go to and no money to speak of. Your poem is very "base" and well written. If I had six stars left it would be yours, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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"But for the grace of God, there go I." definitely applies here, Jim. After my eight years on active in the Marines, I wasn't sure of what to do. No family to go to and no money to speak of. Your poem is very "base" and well written. If I had six stars left it would be yours, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Bob, dear friend, I think we all get mustered-out and wonder now what the Hell am I going to do and who the Hell Am I? I know that was my questions when I got back from Nam.
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I understand. Bob
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for reminding us of the plight of many homeless veterans. I really liked how you pulled us into the mind of this one vet as he was taking the last sips of wine as he drifts off into "Nowhere Land."
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thank you for reminding us of the plight of many homeless veterans. I really liked how you pulled us into the mind of this one vet as he was taking the last sips of wine as he drifts off into "Nowhere Land."
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your kind comments and good wishes.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
There is nothing more important for you to write about. The shame of a Government that has gone so long, literally doing nothing for the men and women who put their lives on the line for their country, is front and center. People like Bloomberg, and other billionaires, who spend millions on this election could do better and gain more respect if they "Cast their bread upon the waters"
so to speak and determinately created a "Home for Veterans". Why is nothing ever done?
Ralf
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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There is nothing more important for you to write about. The shame of a Government that has gone so long, literally doing nothing for the men and women who put their lives on the line for their country, is front and center. People like Bloomberg, and other billionaires, who spend millions on this election could do better and gain more respect if they "Cast their bread upon the waters"
so to speak and determinately created a "Home for Veterans". Why is nothing ever done?
Ralf
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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My dear Raffaelina, thank you, thank you for this validation! I am utter dismay about our politicians loss of there moral compasses while touting all they do for the citizens. It is all bunk!
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Perhaps if a coalition of citizens started bombarding the Congress and the Senate to "Build A Home" and just kept at it, something might be fone.
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How ABOUT for every Pac $ spent and donation made to a political party, 10% is invested in a foundation to build a home ....we would solve the problem in perhaps less than three election cycles.
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BRILLIANT IDEA! You lead...
Comment from Sugarray77
What a well written poem for the Free Verse contest, Jim. Your sensitivity to the plight of the homeless revealed a warm heart and an imaginative parallel story between the two parts of the same man. Very clever!
Melissa
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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What a well written poem for the Free Verse contest, Jim. Your sensitivity to the plight of the homeless revealed a warm heart and an imaginative parallel story between the two parts of the same man. Very clever!
Melissa
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear JLR, it is on a subject like this that your use a free verse comes comes into use like a hammer against our consciousness, about a very serious subject.
You are right homelessness is a problem that needs better solutions than the ones that have made it through Congress so far. Certainly those men who risked their very lives deserve more from their country.
What makes this poem so powerful is that you did not use numbers in your poem, you used one man, one precious soul, to tell of their plight.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Dear JLR, it is on a subject like this that your use a free verse comes comes into use like a hammer against our consciousness, about a very serious subject.
You are right homelessness is a problem that needs better solutions than the ones that have made it through Congress so far. Certainly those men who risked their very lives deserve more from their country.
What makes this poem so powerful is that you did not use numbers in your poem, you used one man, one precious soul, to tell of their plight.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Suzanna, I am more than humbled by your wonderful comments.Thank you for seeing this Leo on its own merits.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Is there a reason for this? Are they mentally traumatised? Is there any help offered to these ex-soldiers? We have homelessness in Britain but they are not ex-soldiers. It is hard to know how it feels being homeless, we can only imagine what it is like and you have attempted that in your poem here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Is there a reason for this? Are they mentally traumatised? Is there any help offered to these ex-soldiers? We have homelessness in Britain but they are not ex-soldiers. It is hard to know how it feels being homeless, we can only imagine what it is like and you have attempted that in your poem here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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The issues are all surrounding ding the failure in our treatment of mental health issues and the veteran especially is compromised with untreated PTSD coupled with drug and alcohol abuse. The fix is not easy or inexpensive set of actions that will return this trend around.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello JLR, a very well written free verse with some good use of metaphor describing the staggering number of homeless in US. You speak in the first person which brings your story to life. I love the song, usually it is Bing Crosby, singing 'Brother Can You Spare A Dime'. Very moving - much like your great piece of work here. I love the following stanza -
That rainbow trout practically jumped out of the
river, with trails of water gleaming in the
sparkling golden rays of sun,
swallowing that dry hand-tied
Caddisfly in one deep gulp...
Of course, the trout won. And the protagonist was left in Nowhere Land.
Good Luck in the contest - a great contender. Regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hello JLR, a very well written free verse with some good use of metaphor describing the staggering number of homeless in US. You speak in the first person which brings your story to life. I love the song, usually it is Bing Crosby, singing 'Brother Can You Spare A Dime'. Very moving - much like your great piece of work here. I love the following stanza -
That rainbow trout practically jumped out of the
river, with trails of water gleaming in the
sparkling golden rays of sun,
swallowing that dry hand-tied
Caddisfly in one deep gulp...
Of course, the trout won. And the protagonist was left in Nowhere Land.
Good Luck in the contest - a great contender. Regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Dorothy, 🙏. You captured perhaps my favorite line.
