All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "She Turns the Page"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
124 total reviews
Comment from MizKat
Wow - Sharyn - This is another beautiful poem. You're so good at writing them. I wouldn't even attempt to write a sonnet. Kat
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Wow - Sharyn - This is another beautiful poem. You're so good at writing them. I wouldn't even attempt to write a sonnet. Kat
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thx so much Kat. That's what you said about a lento and you got 3 votes and wrote a beautiful one!!! go for it! :)Sharyn
Comment from ravenblack
like your meditation on the passage of time. the opening line sets the poem into motion wonderfully, " the wild of sky is skimmed by windy cloud" as if the windy cloud is skimming or reading the book of sky which, of course, ties in to " simply turns the page". well done.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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like your meditation on the passage of time. the opening line sets the poem into motion wonderfully, " the wild of sky is skimmed by windy cloud" as if the windy cloud is skimming or reading the book of sky which, of course, ties in to " simply turns the page". well done.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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thx so much rb - I think we speak the same language! :)S
Comment from Spitfire
The effects of time is a popular theme with all forms of poetry. Glad you avoided the cliche of seasons. Stanza one indicates to me that time slows down for children who have nothing to do but play. The world almost stops as we woo and love. Certainly, time speeds up as we see our parents no longer young. With it the realization that everyone eventually dies. I LOVE the last line. Good luck in the contest, Sharyn.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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The effects of time is a popular theme with all forms of poetry. Glad you avoided the cliche of seasons. Stanza one indicates to me that time slows down for children who have nothing to do but play. The world almost stops as we woo and love. Certainly, time speeds up as we see our parents no longer young. With it the realization that everyone eventually dies. I LOVE the last line. Good luck in the contest, Sharyn.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thx so much spits - just "in the mood" today - go figure ...
Blessings
Sharyn
Comment from Robert Lee Brown
Sharyn, This is a very good write with stunting picture. I totally agree with the message you have presented, using a wide variety of poetic devices. You reminded me of one of my saying: "The tooth fairy may have forgotten the tooth you put under your pillow but the birthday fairy will never forget to turn your calendar." Thanks for sharing. Your friend, Bob
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Sharyn, This is a very good write with stunting picture. I totally agree with the message you have presented, using a wide variety of poetic devices. You reminded me of one of my saying: "The tooth fairy may have forgotten the tooth you put under your pillow but the birthday fairy will never forget to turn your calendar." Thanks for sharing. Your friend, Bob
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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yes indeed, Bob, damn that birthday fairy, hmm? Thx so much! :)Sharyn
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Sharyn, this is a beauty my friend. A powerful work to read and ponder. Excellent presentation and artwork.
I enjoyed reading this and I think you've penned a winner.
I loved it.
Thanks for sharing and good luck,
Maureen
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Sharyn, this is a beauty my friend. A powerful work to read and ponder. Excellent presentation and artwork.
I enjoyed reading this and I think you've penned a winner.
I loved it.
Thanks for sharing and good luck,
Maureen
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thx so much maureen! :))S
Comment from adewpearl
solid alternate-line rhyming in your quatrains followed by a strong rhyming couplet
nice assonance in wild of sky and alliteration in sky is skimmed
vivid descriptive detail
good alliteration in we woo and birth our babes
and days defying
and in life and love
good turn in line 9
steady cadence and good flow enhanced by enjambment in a thoughtfully philosophical and well-composed sonnet
Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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solid alternate-line rhyming in your quatrains followed by a strong rhyming couplet
nice assonance in wild of sky and alliteration in sky is skimmed
vivid descriptive detail
good alliteration in we woo and birth our babes
and days defying
and in life and love
good turn in line 9
steady cadence and good flow enhanced by enjambment in a thoughtfully philosophical and well-composed sonnet
Brooke
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thx so much Brooke! :)Sharyn
Comment from donaldww
I like this excellent sonnet about time turning the page with each generation. The opening presents gorgeous figurative language: assonance of wild/sky, skimmed/windy; consonance of skimmed/cloud; and alliteration of wild/windy and sky/skimmed.
You might consider a change to L4, which I find has one more and than I'd prefer. For example:
through days and weeks and years: our lives are spun.
--this 3rd stanza with reference to immortal gods is beautiful and poignant!
But we now see our parents growing old
These once immortal gods appear so frail,
Their grasp on life and love they cannot hold
Against our Mistress Time they'll not prevail.
Super job!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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I like this excellent sonnet about time turning the page with each generation. The opening presents gorgeous figurative language: assonance of wild/sky, skimmed/windy; consonance of skimmed/cloud; and alliteration of wild/windy and sky/skimmed.
You might consider a change to L4, which I find has one more and than I'd prefer. For example:
through days and weeks and years: our lives are spun.
--this 3rd stanza with reference to immortal gods is beautiful and poignant!
But we now see our parents growing old
These once immortal gods appear so frail,
Their grasp on life and love they cannot hold
Against our Mistress Time they'll not prevail.
Super job!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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wonderful suggestion DW - I wasn't happy with that line - I'd fiddled with hours becoming days and weeks and years, but I kept scanning "hours" as 2 syllables (which would have worked with a little poetic licence, but I could hardly ask the readers to accept "hours" as 1 syllable just the line before!) bless you! :)S
Comment from reconciled
Man thats good girl...Hello...-smile- Guess I'm out a sixes...I'm sorry...sure deserves a bunch. Yes maam...nobody stops the clock. Great read love you Michael
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Man thats good girl...Hello...-smile- Guess I'm out a sixes...I'm sorry...sure deserves a bunch. Yes maam...nobody stops the clock. Great read love you Michael
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thanks Michael! :)S
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You got girl...-smile-
Comment from catch22
This is an excellent sonnet with the correct form and the iambic meter sounds good to my ear. I love the serious and reflective tone of this poem, as you take the reader on the journey of a life, with the third stanza marking the turn of youth giving into old age. Good use of personification of time as whimsical and capricious female. Excellent poem and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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This is an excellent sonnet with the correct form and the iambic meter sounds good to my ear. I love the serious and reflective tone of this poem, as you take the reader on the journey of a life, with the third stanza marking the turn of youth giving into old age. Good use of personification of time as whimsical and capricious female. Excellent poem and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thx so gail! :)
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
"C'est la vie ... says the old folks. It goes to show you never can tell."
This is a beautiful way of putting "And time moves on." And, it is a laugh . . . on us!
Love the artwork! My favorite lines are the ending couplets. Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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"C'est la vie ... says the old folks. It goes to show you never can tell."
This is a beautiful way of putting "And time moves on." And, it is a laugh . . . on us!
Love the artwork! My favorite lines are the ending couplets. Enjoyed!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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thx so much my dear! :)))S
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U R Welcome!! :)