Comment from krys123

Excellent

Dean;
what a wonderfully and dramatically written piece of poetry that truly says at all in your authors notes along within the poem also.
I saw your imagination in the other poems and it is truly creative and inventive with all of them. Your imagery is like a man taking off on a race breathing heavily as he goes along so very descriptive I can feel the palpating heart beating which is very descriptive.
The rhyming is neither forced nor labored while your rhythm closed smoothly throughout your poem.
Let me address if you may. This day and years since I've been reading your poems, off and on, I have to say this: You have manifested the knowledge, skill and experience needed for success in a particular feel such as poetry in your endeavors just get better as I read them.
Thank you my friend for sharing and posting this poem for everyone to read and may all your future endeavors be good ones.
Alex

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thanks for the wonderfully upbeat review, Alex. I also appreciate your comments on how you feel I've grown as a writer. It is the help of good people just like yourself that make it happen, and I appreciate that. All those "bells & whistles", I don't do them because I lack confidence in my writing abilities, or to "sign" my work. I do it because most people enjoy it, and they find it entertaining. That's the true goal of anyone who writes, I think, to inspire and entertain.

Thanks again for your wonderful comments and generous review, my friend.

reply by krys123 on 19-Jul-2014

You hit the nail on the head, Dean, when you said we're out here to entertain and inspire readers. Take care my friend talk to you later. And you are so sincerely welcome my friend
Alex

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I do like your take on this. It is true that the journey is the best part of the destination. We learn from our experiences and also are shaped by how we handle things. Great theme of the race. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thanks very much, GW HARGIS. I really appreciate your opinions on this one, and the excellent rating you've given the poem as well.

Comment from emrpoems

Exceptional

An unusually bright poem Dean. Love the message here. Would you mind if I copied it to my daughters?
Excellent rhymed couplets
Good us of alliteration
Perfect use of enjambment and a totally enjoyable read with a positive message

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thank you very much, Erica. And no, I'd be honored if you would like to copy it for your daughter to read. It's quite rare I post something that parents would allow or want their children to read.

Thanks for the wonderful review, the fantastic rating, and for everything that you said. I truly appreciate it.

reply by emrpoems on 18-Jul-2014

Many thanks for allowing me to copy your poem and you are most welcome

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Anytime, my friend.

Comment from Kaila Mari

Exceptional

You have no idea how much comfort and support you have brought into my life with this poem. I am charged up to continue the race! Thanks...This is an six star entry in my book. God bless!

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

That's the greatest compliment for anyone who cares enough to write to hear, Kaila, that something you've written had given them comfort and inspiration. I sincerely appreciate that, and when you toss in the wonderful rating, it makes it spectacular! Thanks so much for everything. You've made my day!

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

What a marvelous, uplifting, and positive poem. Beautifully written, excellent rhyme and I just love the morale (damn not sure if I spelled that one right) of this one. Excellent work my friend, just excellent.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Hah ha, well, I think the spelling you were going for was moral, smurphgirlsasha, as in the moral of the story. But, who's would complain after receiving a wonderful review like the one you've given me here? Not I!

I really appreciate everything you said. Thanks so much!

reply by Sasha on 18-Jul-2014

What is really scary...is I actually looked them both up...lol

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

8}

Comment from The Death

Excellent

Re-review:

Much better.

Review(4 stars):

Hi, Dean.

You deliver a very strong and beautiful message here. It's not about winning, but trying our best and enjoying the path traced. It applies to many aspects of life.

Compelling opening:

We're taught to draw our own conclusion,
embracimg hope without allusions
embellish love and live carefree,
abstain from mediocrity.

These lines are so true. Anyone can relate with these. Note the typo. It's 'embracing'. Also, you need a comma after 'allusions'.

The flow is good, but it can be made much better if you opt for more apt punctuation choices. Please consider the suggestions in the parenthesis.

To always love our fellow man,(no comma)
and do the very best we can(--)
set goals, for you must have a plan,(no comma)
to see beyond horizons span...

It should be "horizon's".

There is a path that's tried and true,(use -- or ;)
to walk or run, it's up to you,(.)
search for the light that's hidden there,
'tween selfishness and deep despair.

These are intended for inserting needed breaths while relating to the thoughts.

Do not reward reason with doubt,
that's not what life should be about,(.)
just lead friends to the starting line,
work together, and you'll be fine.


Now, on your marks -- get set -- let's go!
The race is on, put on a show(--)
this life is far too brief to waste,
breathe deeply, keep a steady pace...


That inner strength burns deep within,
just pace yourself, you're bound to win(.)
(T)hen, once you've seen that finish line,
you'll win your race in record time.

If one has faith in him/her self, the fire of passion will endow the required enthusiasm to complete the race/life, with whatever potential one has. Each human being is unique and special. It's the realization that matters, and after this, the path becomes easier with company of friends and the light of faith.

Iambic meter is flawless as far as I can see. You made excellent use of string and proxy rhymes here. Will be happy yo upgrade the rating once you fix those issues. You are free to come up with your own revisions. It's your write, of course. :)

Kindest Regards,
Anupam

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thanks, Anupam, and I really appreciate your precise break down, intelligent suggestions and spag corrections. Some of them I have incorporated, while some, I have chosen not to. However, I really appreciate the time you've taken to review it, and appreciate your kind remarks on the meter and flow.

Be well, my friend.

reply by The Death on 18-Jul-2014

Thanks for your warm reply, Dean. As I said, you don't need to have them all. Sometimes, those pauses may be subjective, depending on how one reads them. Upgraded the rating. Have a great weekend, my friend.

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thank you very much, Anupam, and you do the very same, my friend! :}

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Now, on your marks -- get set -- let's go!

The race is on, put on a show,

this life is far too brief to waste,

breathe deeply, keep a steady pace...


Life is simply too short........too brief to waste....I loved this Dean
God bless

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Thanks so much, kiwijenny, and God bless you & yours as well.

Comment from boxergirl

Exceptional

Like this positive poem about running the race. I coached girls' sports for many years and this message is what I taught my players. Now days it seems more about winning at all cost.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Very true, boxergirl, and that's really sad, don't you think? My son's little league coach and his team was the laughing stock of his league, for four years. However, he always taught my son and the rest of his boys that it wasn't about winning at all, but being a good sport, teamwork, and having fun. They won the league's All-Star championship game their seventh and final year. That's the kind of coaching our kids should get.

Thanks for the wonderful comments and exceptional rating, my friend. I truly appreciate it!

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Wish I had a 6..,wish I had a 9. This is absolutely the best poem I have read in a long time. It is a masterpiece of rhyming and wording

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Wow, what a wonderful compliment, Barb. I'm really honored you feel this way, as I know you read and review a lot of poetry here. With comments like yours, a six star rating seems really mundane. That means more to me that anything else, my dear friend, and I thank you.

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

I couldn't agree with you more. sometimes losers are actually winners in life, though I;m sure some of my friends would disagree. As long as you live your life and do nothing to cause harm to anyone else, I think you'll be on the right track.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

I agree one-hundred per cent, Linda. Thanks for an awesome review, my friend!