Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "An Offer"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
3 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Fantasy Fiction, a Chapter of the Book - Within the Bone, has a good voice of fantasy taletelling fostered with skimmed plot development and very few realistic dialogues, good intro and curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2020
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This Fantasy Fiction, a Chapter of the Book - Within the Bone, has a good voice of fantasy taletelling fostered with skimmed plot development and very few realistic dialogues, good intro and curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 26-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much for reviewing!
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent story that I enjoyed reading. I have to do some catching up on your story. I did not find any errors. You did a great job. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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Excellent story that I enjoyed reading. I have to do some catching up on your story. I did not find any errors. You did a great job. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much for reviewing! I really appreciate it.
Comment from AJ McCall
What? No, Olsen you can't just end the chapter like that! :) All things are well. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Mara and Aallotar really bonded; it's sad that Mara probably won't ever marry or have children because of her curse. But what's so bad about it? She could live somewhere else... but doesn't want to leave her mother. Aallotar has to be my favorite in this part. She's kind, caring, still weary of new things like anyone would be of a total stranger, but asks Mara to stay. Mara should stay. I want her to stay. But the beast?... will it come to them? Will it attack? When will Aallotar tell Mara about it? It's probably the thing her fate is intertwined with. What's going to happen?!
All good questions to make you proud that your story's good, Oslen. I did notice an extra space between some words...
"I can understand that," Mara said, touching her face gingerly with( )her fingertips.
I'll be hunting down the next chapter! (Wish I had six stars!)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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What? No, Olsen you can't just end the chapter like that! :) All things are well. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Mara and Aallotar really bonded; it's sad that Mara probably won't ever marry or have children because of her curse. But what's so bad about it? She could live somewhere else... but doesn't want to leave her mother. Aallotar has to be my favorite in this part. She's kind, caring, still weary of new things like anyone would be of a total stranger, but asks Mara to stay. Mara should stay. I want her to stay. But the beast?... will it come to them? Will it attack? When will Aallotar tell Mara about it? It's probably the thing her fate is intertwined with. What's going to happen?!
All good questions to make you proud that your story's good, Oslen. I did notice an extra space between some words...
"I can understand that," Mara said, touching her face gingerly with( )her fingertips.
I'll be hunting down the next chapter! (Wish I had six stars!)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much for reviewing! I really appreciate it. Mara definitely feels like she's between a rock and a hard place, and Aallotar is being rather sweet here. I'm enjoying their bonding almsot as much as what comes next with the beast. Shouldn't be too long of a wait before that's ready.
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Ohhh! I can't wait for it!! You're welcome!