Growing Up
A poem-story for the contest Through the eyes of a Child9 total reviews
Comment from Helena Frances
I read this in the voting round of the contest-and voted for it:)
I find it troubling and thought provoking, which good writing can be.
Envisioning the beginnings of aggression, competition, and power is feasibly described in this short piece.
Good wishes in the contest:)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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I read this in the voting round of the contest-and voted for it:)
I find it troubling and thought provoking, which good writing can be.
Envisioning the beginnings of aggression, competition, and power is feasibly described in this short piece.
Good wishes in the contest:)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Helena, thank you very much. My son is 47 now and never hurt a fly, thank God. I think he just wanted to brag about things he didn't really understand. I see many young children do that. When you ask them what they mean, they don't know what to answer.
They play BANG BANG all the time with water pistols, imitating scenes they saw on tv.
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Ha! My son is 48 and used a wooden spoon to shoot 'bad guys' because I was reluctant to give him a toy gun:)
He is also a gentle,, wonderful man:)
I do think your verse hits on the imitation kids use as they grow--sadly there is much aggression for them to emulate.
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So sad and so true. But ours grew up healthy and peaceful, so let's be grateful.
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:)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the "Through the Eyes of a Child" writing prompt.
This short story tells of young boys feeling tough.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the "Through the Eyes of a Child" writing prompt.
This short story tells of young boys feeling tough.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Sharon, thank you very much.
Comment from Patty Palmer
Yeh, little boys are like that but I think I might be alarmed if I heard my son and his friends talking about killing and specifically killing a two-year-old! I'd have the councilour's number on speed dial. When my son was in the third grade a friend came over to play. The other little boy came with a notebook that he said he had the information of how to build a pipe bomb! I told him they weren't making tonight.
Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Yeh, little boys are like that but I think I might be alarmed if I heard my son and his friends talking about killing and specifically killing a two-year-old! I'd have the councilour's number on speed dial. When my son was in the third grade a friend came over to play. The other little boy came with a notebook that he said he had the information of how to build a pipe bomb! I told him they weren't making tonight.
Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Patty, thank you for the review. My son is 47 now, and never killed a two-year-old (or any age, for that matter) so don't you worry. I must confess: I felt shivers down my spine when I heard it, but the moment passed quickly and they played again like innocent little boys.
Comment from Bill Schott
This piece, Growing Up, finds the posturing and one-upsmanship starting early. Since it never ends it has to begin somewhere. I think I could take a two-year-old too. heck, we all could.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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This piece, Growing Up, finds the posturing and one-upsmanship starting early. Since it never ends it has to begin somewhere. I think I could take a two-year-old too. heck, we all could.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Bill, thank you, but don't worry. He is 47 now and never killed a fly.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a very cute boy story. The language sounds right for that age. Boys act and think rough and ready. Must be a male thing. Glad the birthday celebration went well, and created good memories.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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This is a very cute boy story. The language sounds right for that age. Boys act and think rough and ready. Must be a male thing. Glad the birthday celebration went well, and created good memories.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you Thaities,
Birthday party went well, but it was already 42 years ago!
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ha ha You still have vivid memories. Keep posting them.
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smile
Comment from RShipp
Wow... A few mafia-mob children in the works?
I think your opening sentence is missing some punctuation?
"Hands in pockets, they jostle and jockey for a place." A great line.
I loved the closing!
Best of luck in the Through the eyes of a child writing prompt contest.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Wow... A few mafia-mob children in the works?
I think your opening sentence is missing some punctuation?
"Hands in pockets, they jostle and jockey for a place." A great line.
I loved the closing!
Best of luck in the Through the eyes of a child writing prompt contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you, RShipp! I'll have a look at the first sentence. Promise.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow writer. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Hello fellow writer. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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13th poet, thank you!
Comment from RodG
Birthday parties are a wonderful way to observe a child's place in a world of his peers. But in this story, the boy's FATHER is the observer; you are telling the events through his eyes, not the child's as the prompt requires.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Birthday parties are a wonderful way to observe a child's place in a world of his peers. But in this story, the boy's FATHER is the observer; you are telling the events through his eyes, not the child's as the prompt requires.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Rod, thank you. I know I should not defend my work. However, the prompt states (according to me) that it could be the mother describing the child's eyes. maybe I'm wrong.
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I think you are wrong. The prompt clearly states we must we this object through a child's eyes.
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I wish to apologize. I just reread the prompt which has changed. Indeed the story can be told through an adults POV. I will definitely revise my rating. Rod
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OK, I'll look again and change a lot of things then. Or withdraw and write something else. Thanks so much!
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Rod, this came just in time! I was almost withdrawing Growing Up. Apologies accepted, of course.
Comment from BethShelby
This is cute story. Boys especially like to brag about what they are capable of doing. I wonder if they see themselves as little men. Watching the way children interact with each other is amusing. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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This is cute story. Boys especially like to brag about what they are capable of doing. I wonder if they see themselves as little men. Watching the way children interact with each other is amusing. Nicely written.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thanks, Beth.