Will she say YES Bill?
100 word dash11 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Christine. This is a nice romantic story told in just a few words and it has a great ending. I like the dribble and drabble form which challenge us. Congratulations on winning second. Marilyn
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
  |
Hi Christine. This is a nice romantic story told in just a few words and it has a great ending. I like the dribble and drabble form which challenge us. Congratulations on winning second. Marilyn
Comment Written 18-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
-
Hi Marilyn Thanks for reading my story I enjoyed this challenge and thanks for your congrats
Have a Terrific Christmas My very best wishes to you
Cheers Christine xx
-
Merry Christmas to you, too, Christine.
Comment from Liberty Justice
BEAUTIFUL! You just got my thumbs up that launched you into a 3-way tie for first. You were in 2nd place. Congrats! Hope you keep your place. Your story is short and sweet, and I love your photo of Bill and his girl that dramatizes the theme of the story. So suspenseful. After contest tell me who you are. lol liberty justice.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
|
BEAUTIFUL! You just got my thumbs up that launched you into a 3-way tie for first. You were in 2nd place. Congrats! Hope you keep your place. Your story is short and sweet, and I love your photo of Bill and his girl that dramatizes the theme of the story. So suspenseful. After contest tell me who you are. lol liberty justice.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
-
Hi Liberty Justice, Thank you very much for your vote of confidence and I am pleased to say I maintained Second place to Barb and that is a bonus to me I enjoy these small writing contests that extend my brain LOL Many Thanks for your wonderful suppot I truley appreciate it Have a great day Christine
-
Yeah Congrats! 2nd place is good! lol liberty justice
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
What a nice outcome to the short short. You have all the elements required, and made it flow as though it was a long story.
You have chosen a good picture to go with your story.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
|
What a nice outcome to the short short. You have all the elements required, and made it flow as though it was a long story.
You have chosen a good picture to go with your story.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
-
Hi Rhonda, Lovely to hear from you and Thanks for reading my short 100 word dash. I don't often do these bit this just popped into my head Thanks for your best of luck wishes. Cheers Christine
-
Yeah, me either, but they can be fun. The challenge is to make it smooth and get everything in. Great job!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very good contest entry. Contests are hard enough, but to write a complete story in one-hundred words. is twice as tough. You did it well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
|
A very good contest entry. Contests are hard enough, but to write a complete story in one-hundred words. is twice as tough. You did it well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
-
Thanks Thomas . I am so pleased to have your encouraging comments and don't often write stories I may try a two hundred one soon . your review is welcomed Cheers
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good piece of flash fiction! I enjoyed it. I found a few things for your consideration.
Waiting was never Billy's strong suit and the more he waited the more anxious he became.--You have two complete sentences. Use a comma before and.
In nervous haste he took her hand, quickly dropped to one knee and opening the box revealed a sparkling engagement ring.--A couple of things for this one. You begin the sentence with a prepositional phrase. I suggest you use a comma after haste to separate the phrase from the main clause. Then, you have he perform three actions (took, dropped, opened). The change in verb tense with opening needs to go to opened because it's in the main clause (sentence). Opened the box, revealing a sparkling( spacing error) engagement ring.
"Laura will you marry me?" --Since you address her, use a comma after her name.
His prayers were answered when she said "Yes Bill".--This needs to be in a separate paragraph. Comma after said and comma after Yes. Your period goes inside the quotation marks.
Best of luck in the contest,
Russell
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
Good piece of flash fiction! I enjoyed it. I found a few things for your consideration.
Waiting was never Billy's strong suit and the more he waited the more anxious he became.--You have two complete sentences. Use a comma before and.
In nervous haste he took her hand, quickly dropped to one knee and opening the box revealed a sparkling engagement ring.--A couple of things for this one. You begin the sentence with a prepositional phrase. I suggest you use a comma after haste to separate the phrase from the main clause. Then, you have he perform three actions (took, dropped, opened). The change in verb tense with opening needs to go to opened because it's in the main clause (sentence). Opened the box, revealing a sparkling( spacing error) engagement ring.
"Laura will you marry me?" --Since you address her, use a comma after her name.
His prayers were answered when she said "Yes Bill".--This needs to be in a separate paragraph. Comma after said and comma after Yes. Your period goes inside the quotation marks.
Best of luck in the contest,
Russell
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi Russel, Thanks so much for your review and for your suggestions.
I have corrected the sentences and changed he to Billy. I hope it reads correctly now I don't do these very often and assistance in punctuation is always appreciated. Cheers.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Well done. Your story is complete and you've stayed within the guidelines.
This is not an easy thing to do.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
Well done. Your story is complete and you've stayed within the guidelines.
This is not an easy thing to do.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi Sharon, Many Thanks for reading my writing piece. I enjoyed the challenge and appreciate your time to read it and send me your thoughts Cheers
Comment from Ricky1024
This is a another 100-word Dash poem probably my 7/8 that I reviewed all of them or probably equally done is going to be very hard to pick a winner out of these special with only 1 800 words contact with great theme and imagery good luck talk to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
This is a another 100-word Dash poem probably my 7/8 that I reviewed all of them or probably equally done is going to be very hard to pick a winner out of these special with only 1 800 words contact with great theme and imagery good luck talk to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi Ricky. Thanks for also reading my post for this contest I do appreciate your doing so and for your encouraging words . I am pleased with the response And your good luck message Cheers
-
Hi Ricky. Thanks for also reading my post for this contest I do appreciate your doing so and for your encouraging words . I am pleased with the response And your good luck message Cheers
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a good job with this one. Emotions come through well in the showing.
pockets,one holding the - spacing here.
Laura the love of his life.- maybe insert a comma after the name.
opening the box reveal a sparkling engagement ring. - revealed.
answers,whirled - spacing here.
sparkling engagement - double spacing here.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
Hi there,
You did a good job with this one. Emotions come through well in the showing.
pockets,one holding the - spacing here.
Laura the love of his life.- maybe insert a comma after the name.
opening the box reveal a sparkling engagement ring. - revealed.
answers,whirled - spacing here.
sparkling engagement - double spacing here.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi giraffmang, Thanks so mich for your review and suggestions I have corrected the errors and appreciate your time to help me. I don't often do these contests and I am always apprehensive as to the quality of my writing, But pleased with your comments of doing a good job . Cheers
-
Hi giraffmang, Thanks so mich for your review and suggestions I have corrected the errors and appreciate your time to help me. I don't often do these contests and I am always apprehensive as to the quality of my writing, But pleased with your comments of doing a good job . Cheers
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in a casual but recognised way, proposal for marriage, Billy in the right pose, took out the ring, and he really proposed formally, and Laura responded positively; I liked.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
This speaks in a casual but recognised way, proposal for marriage, Billy in the right pose, took out the ring, and he really proposed formally, and Laura responded positively; I liked.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi Alcreator Litt Dear. Thanks for stopping by the read my 100 word dash. and I am happy you liked this never sure how my writng will go across Cheers
Comment from teols2016
Congradulations, Billy. Glad it all worked out for you. I could feel your nervous tension as the moment approached. Well done and best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
|
Congradulations, Billy. Glad it all worked out for you. I could feel your nervous tension as the moment approached. Well done and best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
-
Hi teols2016. Thanks for your review and good luck in this contest. I seldom do writing, more poerty and it is always fun to try something different Cheers