Comment from Lovinia

Exceptional

Hi Bill

This is satire at its best ... or is it irony ... or both? I came across by chance and couldn't resist a review. As a senryu writer I do know how these shorter forms can be a little neglected, and often neglected with the sixes. This is one of the best I've read for ages. I missed the contest, though I doubt I could have written one as good as this. Some seem to find this sobering, I'm afraid I took it as dark humour. Truly outstanding. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxoox

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016

Thank you so much Lovi for such a wonderful and thoughtful review, I appreciate it. As I drift further into my golden years, I find myself writing more and more of the shorter forms of poetry. The rhyming - four line stanza - Quatrain version is still my favorite. However, I just don't have the patience or inspiration to write this style anymore.

Do you have a favorite style or just enjoy writing a variety of different things?

As you said, a senryu should have a dark side with humor. The humor mixed with a few choice words is what captures the readers attention.

Thank you Lovi for your exceptional rating....Have a great week my friend and take care of yourself. Bill

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello,

syllable count= 5/7/5 good job
theme= horror
satori= clever
presentation= great
interconnected lines= yes

I like your senryu you did a great job. I love haiku and horror. :)

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thank you for your excellent review, I appreciate it very much. Enjoy your Sunday my friend.

Comment from WalkerMan

Excellent

What a perfectly startled expression on that young woman's face as she looks back over her shoulder upon hearing those chilling words spoken. One could imagine an entire novel leading up to those few last words.... Don't read it right before bedtime.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thank you my friend for your great comments, I appreciate it. Enjoy your Sunday and thanks again....

reply by WalkerMan on 12-Jun-2016

You're welcome, Bill, and congratulations on winning the senryu contest.

I voted for your entry, as I knew it was the best as soon as I read it.

Some people here have urged me to vote for my own posts in contests, but my father did not raise me with that attitude, which would in fact be contrary to what I said in my own senryu, "True Satisfaction."

Even FS-famous Dean could not have done better with your entry. If you can buy the rights to that perfect picture, you ought to offer the whole package for publication somewhere. It really is that good.

Incidentally, we're of similar age. Thank you for your service. -- Mike

reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016

Thank you Mike for your nice comments and for your support.

I'm in my eighth year here and until recently we were not allowed to vote for ourselves. So, that was a big change. And, another big change just a few months ago from winner takes all, to adding second and third place prizes. That change I do not care for and I feel positive that many other writers think the same way.

My middle name and my son's middle name is also Mike (Michael).

I hope you have a long enjoyable stay here at Fanstory and if I can be of any help to you, just let me know. Bill

reply by WalkerMan on 13-Jun-2016

You are welcome, Bill; and thank you for your offer of help if I need it.

On the voting, I agree that should have been left in the more sportsmanlike principle of not voting for one's own entry. I think that change likely was pushed by contest creators who hoped their own posts would win.

Regarding the new prize structure, I can see why some might prefer multiple prizes, particularly to counter the voting rule change.

How decisions are made by the unknown committee for the real-cash contests is another matter. There may be some hidden politics involved in that.

Overall, though, I have found a lot of friendly and supportive people here, you included. How long I stay will depend on how much time I can afford to put here as opposed to what I need for other projects, such as the second edition of my book (later this year, if possible).

I'm glad to know you, my friend. -- Mike

Comment from TDWriter

Excellent

Ouuuuuuuch!!! WoW, I love it and this almost inspires a horror story to be written... I love the whole idea and it made me laugh and at the same time I can hear him talking to me, which sent a chill through me. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you very much for your great review. Have a nice weekend my friend.

Comment from Ginger Banks

Excellent

Just a tad spooky, :) it works perfectly. Leaves the reader with that feeling of tingles down their spine, and a foreboding. You have given your best, thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your tie for first place!

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thanks Ginger for your excellent review, I appreciate it. Have a great weekend my friend.

reply by Ginger Banks on 11-Jun-2016

You're welcome.

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

It is more true than creepy in my opinion. If I were her I'd make sure arrangements were made in another parlor. It was good marketing of him. Fun.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you for your excellent review, I appreciate it. Have a nice weekend my friend.

Comment from Susanne M. Psyris

Excellent

I'm sorry if this was meant to be serious but it struck my funny bone and I am still giggling here. The satori is great. Loved the content. Good luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thanks Susanne for your excellent review, I appreciate it. Have a great weekend my friend.

Comment from JennC

Excellent

I'm not sure whether I'm amused, disturbed, or both, by this senryu, but I did enjoy it. The directions it sent my mind racing were something else! Great job with your syllable count and excellent artwork choice. Well done! Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thanks Jenn for your excellent review, I appreciate it. Have a nice weekend my friend.

Comment from Laurel Legion

Excellent

Nice black joke there in your senryu with having a funeral director's farewell line be about how the visitor should "be careful" and that any future arrangement can "wait." Your senryu's take on the whole matter of funeral operations proves very relatable and understandable since arriving at a funeral home all the time isn't a typical priority for most people so it would make sense that a funeral home director would try to strike a balance between working in a business where the profit is from dead people yet still trying to be aware of the tragedy of death itself nonetheless. As well as how unfortunately morbid any sort of positive approach could be since anyone alive is always going to be a potential client so what exactly would a funeral director say to a leaving visitor?

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks for your very detailed review, I appreciate it. And, I agree with you. This was a potential customer for him, just a good business practice. Have a nice weekend my friend.

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Creepy indeed. I might change 'be careful' to 'remember'
but that's strictly a judgment call.
Best of luck with the voters.

Peace, Lee


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks for your review and suggestion, I appreciate it. Have a great weekend my friend.