Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "My Hero"Dawn of Chaos
63 total reviews
Comment from Stephanie Kastner
Of course, we all want a superman in our lives, someone to save us when we're in trouble. If he can bend steel, even better. But the true heroes are the humble men who treat people the way they deserve. Nice, thoughtful poem about a super man.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Of course, we all want a superman in our lives, someone to save us when we're in trouble. If he can bend steel, even better. But the true heroes are the humble men who treat people the way they deserve. Nice, thoughtful poem about a super man.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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True why I think you are super, tender thoughtful views based in kindness. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Just2Write
Perhaps this write should have been posted to the Prose side of Fanstory?
Perhaps not, because it is likely getting more feed-back on the Poetry side, but
it may be possible that the comments you are getting are not the kind of feed-back that is helpful to a blossoming writer.
I'm guessing that English is not your first language, because the syntax that you use is not common.
Your thought streams do correctly describe Superman, but the reader must struggle with your lines to pull out your thoughts and meaning:
The opening of any write, both poetry and prose must be strong enough to grab the reader's attention and to pull them in. The first part of your article is a difficult read, but with a little perseverance, the reader starts to 'see' where you are going. I've filled in some of the blanks, and hope that it will guide you when you are re-writing this piece.
[Let me] tell [you] about a hero[.] [He stripped [off his regular] clothes to be "him[.]" [He] was a writer at a newspaper.
[Few knew that he had an] altered personality[;] [he was both] a giant and a beloved meek one. [The giant] bent steel [and] the other typed: {He was a] writer [who was] a common man.
I think you have a great deal of interesting things that you can share and write about as you continue to develop and explore your desire to write. This was a good topic to share and you presented the story from your own point-of-view, which is always best when learning the craft of writing.
Rose.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Perhaps this write should have been posted to the Prose side of Fanstory?
Perhaps not, because it is likely getting more feed-back on the Poetry side, but
it may be possible that the comments you are getting are not the kind of feed-back that is helpful to a blossoming writer.
I'm guessing that English is not your first language, because the syntax that you use is not common.
Your thought streams do correctly describe Superman, but the reader must struggle with your lines to pull out your thoughts and meaning:
The opening of any write, both poetry and prose must be strong enough to grab the reader's attention and to pull them in. The first part of your article is a difficult read, but with a little perseverance, the reader starts to 'see' where you are going. I've filled in some of the blanks, and hope that it will guide you when you are re-writing this piece.
[Let me] tell [you] about a hero[.] [He stripped [off his regular] clothes to be "him[.]" [He] was a writer at a newspaper.
[Few knew that he had an] altered personality[;] [he was both] a giant and a beloved meek one. [The giant] bent steel [and] the other typed: {He was a] writer [who was] a common man.
I think you have a great deal of interesting things that you can share and write about as you continue to develop and explore your desire to write. This was a good topic to share and you presented the story from your own point-of-view, which is always best when learning the craft of writing.
Rose.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Yeah we all have our pits I confess mine. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
Comment from nomi338
There are supermen all about us. They do not possess superhuman strength, power or wisdom. The thing that makes them superhuman is there great love for their fellow man; their willingness to put themselves out for their brothers; their belief that if any man is a slave we are all slaves; if a child suffers from need of any sort, then we cannot, must not feel any type of comfort or satisfaction.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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There are supermen all about us. They do not possess superhuman strength, power or wisdom. The thing that makes them superhuman is there great love for their fellow man; their willingness to put themselves out for their brothers; their belief that if any man is a slave we are all slaves; if a child suffers from need of any sort, then we cannot, must not feel any type of comfort or satisfaction.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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You are a Super? beautiful person wonder human feel with its honesty. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
Comment from Alan K Pease
I had the same dream as a child, even the costume and perhaps some of the same qualities of the child who emulates him. It is mind bending to think of doing the right thing at the right time. Fine free verse.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I had the same dream as a child, even the costume and perhaps some of the same qualities of the child who emulates him. It is mind bending to think of doing the right thing at the right time. Fine free verse.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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A thought which concept has yet to be precisely written: pits. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
Comment from visionary1234
I had to read this one a couple of times, TPAC, to see where you were heading with this piece. I see others have commented on your lack of poetic devices and yes, I think your piece would certainly benefit from their use, as, without them, we have a rather puzzling piece of prose, especially with the grammatical issues and shortened style. But even so, bravo for your posting it high and asking for feedback! Keep writing, my friend! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I had to read this one a couple of times, TPAC, to see where you were heading with this piece. I see others have commented on your lack of poetic devices and yes, I think your piece would certainly benefit from their use, as, without them, we have a rather puzzling piece of prose, especially with the grammatical issues and shortened style. But even so, bravo for your posting it high and asking for feedback! Keep writing, my friend! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I was seeking seven at best, what a shock. You're right revisions will be taken about this write, wonderful suggestions given as yours. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from ciliverde
Somehow this feels unfinished. I like the idea of what you are writing here, but it feels as though you may have purposely used imperfect grammar and punctuation? I'm not sure why though.
You need to illuminate your point as well...so he's no mere mortal, and that means....what? It's interesting, maybe I'm just missing the point a bit here.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Somehow this feels unfinished. I like the idea of what you are writing here, but it feels as though you may have purposely used imperfect grammar and punctuation? I'm not sure why though.
You need to illuminate your point as well...so he's no mere mortal, and that means....what? It's interesting, maybe I'm just missing the point a bit here.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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No you are reading me perfectly, work in progress, ideal of dual identity: pits to be removed. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
Comment from misscookie
I love the photo you choose to go with your poem
It is not only cute but is a perfect match.
Your poem has a nice flow
Your words are on point.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I love the photo you choose to go with your poem
It is not only cute but is a perfect match.
Your poem has a nice flow
Your words are on point.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Picture was a hoot, the words have yet to adorn its projected thought: a little time maybe. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating views.
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You're very welcome.
Cookie
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I think most of us love superman and you writing a tribute to him is nice.
Personally though, I had difficulty wading through the lines of this poem which I would say more accurately is prose, not even a prose poem, which with some additional work, this could be. I didn't find use of poetic devices. It seems more like a string of thoughts. As prose, it would need work on sentence structure, punctuation, pronoun usage and use of a consistent tense.
Whatever you decide to do with this, I do wish you the best and hope it does not discourage you from writing, my friend. We were all new to it at one time~Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I think most of us love superman and you writing a tribute to him is nice.
Personally though, I had difficulty wading through the lines of this poem which I would say more accurately is prose, not even a prose poem, which with some additional work, this could be. I didn't find use of poetic devices. It seems more like a string of thoughts. As prose, it would need work on sentence structure, punctuation, pronoun usage and use of a consistent tense.
Whatever you decide to do with this, I do wish you the best and hope it does not discourage you from writing, my friend. We were all new to it at one time~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Great comments, agree this write suffers revisions of factors already undertaken. Thanking you for generous rate and touching realities about this work.
Comment from RICH01
This is a very interesting writing of the attributes of Superman and it is well done as far as the writing and the poetry is concerned. It flows nicely and every one knows the attributes of Clark Kent and Superman and perhaps some men and some women wish men could have some of those qualities (perhaps without the super powers. But I am not seeing the meaning of the poem. Perhaps it is just me but most poetry has some aspect of a universal meaning which I think could be developed nicely from what you have created so far. Frankly, I enjoyed reading the poem but I think I could have a real emotional impact if developed further.
Rich01
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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This is a very interesting writing of the attributes of Superman and it is well done as far as the writing and the poetry is concerned. It flows nicely and every one knows the attributes of Clark Kent and Superman and perhaps some men and some women wish men could have some of those qualities (perhaps without the super powers. But I am not seeing the meaning of the poem. Perhaps it is just me but most poetry has some aspect of a universal meaning which I think could be developed nicely from what you have created so far. Frankly, I enjoyed reading the poem but I think I could have a real emotional impact if developed further.
Rich01
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Revision already established although retain of pits in course read. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts about this write.
Comment from azwildrosa
I have always loved superman. it never dawned on me that he was a writer. your description of his is right on. great picture choice. as a child superman movies were my favorite ones to watch. I think I may have seen them hundred times over. this is a great read. it made me smile taking me back about twenty years.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I have always loved superman. it never dawned on me that he was a writer. your description of his is right on. great picture choice. as a child superman movies were my favorite ones to watch. I think I may have seen them hundred times over. this is a great read. it made me smile taking me back about twenty years.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Yes stated were some treasured account of possibilities. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging statements.