The Cage
People gone mad.35 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
This is action-packed and definitely R-rated. :)) I liked phrases like "human tsunami" and "Helpless victims torpedo" - great verb to describe the speed of movement.
I like your message. The men who addicted other humans to enjoying violence as entertainment have become the victims of that very same thing. I can think of several situations where that kind of justice would be appropriate.
Suggestions:
Spectators' ranting chants had drownded out the loud speakers, (drowned)
support the cage's Plexiglas liner. (Plexiglass?)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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This is action-packed and definitely R-rated. :)) I liked phrases like "human tsunami" and "Helpless victims torpedo" - great verb to describe the speed of movement.
I like your message. The men who addicted other humans to enjoying violence as entertainment have become the victims of that very same thing. I can think of several situations where that kind of justice would be appropriate.
Suggestions:
Spectators' ranting chants had drownded out the loud speakers, (drowned)
support the cage's Plexiglas liner. (Plexiglass?)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Thank you so much, Helen, for taking time out to read more of my older foolishness. And for catching the moral of my story. "Those who live by the gun, usually die by the gun." But sadly, not all bad people get what's coming to them. Well, at least here on earth, but I'm sure there will be a time for them. :-) I appreciate YOU, your review, and suggestions for my careless blunders. :-)
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💖
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You do know how to search out for the gooey bits. I was kinda hoping for a hungry tiger or lion to be released with the cry" It's Suppertime!" One can hope. Karen
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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You do know how to search out for the gooey bits. I was kinda hoping for a hungry tiger or lion to be released with the cry" It's Suppertime!" One can hope. Karen
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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This story needs a little fine tuning, but since there is such a small audience on FanStory for this kind of story, I haven't bothered to polish it up. A hungry tiger would have been a great addition, but with those muscle heads the big cats would have been the supreme beings with brains. LOL. Thanks for all the stars! I appreciate YOU!
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I have found that I have about 2 dozen folks who will read anything I write. Like all of us, if pressed for time they will read me but not review if I have no points. I have to do that sometimes too. I am kissing the top of your head:-)
You are thinking nasty thought s there I think. Karen
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I've lost most about half my readers. Most have sadly died off. I guess, we're just waiting our turn. :-)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Action fights like this blood letting would attract boisterious crowds. Think MMA.
The raucous crowd scene, and carnage, are graphic and paint the scene well.
Died by their own creation that got way out of control.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Action fights like this blood letting would attract boisterious crowds. Think MMA.
The raucous crowd scene, and carnage, are graphic and paint the scene well.
Died by their own creation that got way out of control.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Thank you so much, Brett, for going way back to read some of my out-of-control foolishness. But sadly, people flock to this kind of blood-thirsty madness and have since the gladiator days. It's like love thy neighbor, unless you can get him in the ring of death. I can't thank you enough for reading and for another of your extra special six-star reviews that keep me writing and striving to get better. I appreciate YOU more than I'm capable of saying in words!
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
This is one hell of a great story. Lots of perfect descriptions of the chaos that ensued before the game started. Mass hysteria and death resultant of the greed of the producers of this event. Very intense descriptions of the scene made this so vividly clear and put this reader right in the midst of all the hell-raising that occurred. Thoroughly enjoyed this fine writing of yours. Well done!!! I see you took third in the contest. Congratulations on your win. I think it should have come in first...just my opinion! Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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This is one hell of a great story. Lots of perfect descriptions of the chaos that ensued before the game started. Mass hysteria and death resultant of the greed of the producers of this event. Very intense descriptions of the scene made this so vividly clear and put this reader right in the midst of all the hell-raising that occurred. Thoroughly enjoyed this fine writing of yours. Well done!!! I see you took third in the contest. Congratulations on your win. I think it should have come in first...just my opinion! Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Susanne, for dropping in to read another of my wild and crazy stories. I was so glad that I stopped by to read a few of your stories and poems last night. We all have those special styles or presentations that flip our switches, and yours definitely kept my attention throughout and have me anxious to read more. It is always a pleasure for such a talented writer to offer such kind words and generous review. I'm glad you like it. I must admit, I don't enter or really care much about contests, as I find them to be more of a popularity contest. There was a time being popular was important to me, but I'm not in school anymore, and I'm so thankful I outgrew the nonsense. Wishing you the best! :-)
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You are very welcome. And, I am very pleased to have perused your portfolio and will further as I love your writing style! I love to enter contests because it motivates me to take my time in what I am trying to write. I especially love the Sonnets and Minute poetry. The shorter pieces are a pain in the butt, but more challenging as the syllabic requirements really make you work harder to get that necessary imagery in there. But, I will try them all! I do agree with you, however, it is a popularity contest. That, I don't like! God bless and hugs, Susanne
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I definitely want to find a chance to catch up on reading more of your portfolio. I feel a little strange saying it, but you have that special little something in your style that draws me in. And if you asked me what it is, I wouldn't know what to tell you. But whatever it is, you have it, which I'm sure you understand. The openness and honesty are two things, not just trying to write what people want to read. :-) Ric
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Ric, thank you once again, my friend, for your kindness and consideration in your comments. I appreciate you very much. God bless and hugs, Susanne
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Ric, thank you once again, my friend, for your kindness and consideration in your comments. I appreciate you very much. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment from Winslow
Dear Ric,
It reads like a newspaper article and low and behold I find out at the end it is. It makes me think this could be in the future where barbarism is now widespread (similar to the Roman empire) or where aliens from another world have come to earth and stage shows similar to what the Romans did.
I'd eliminate most ly words, tighten some, and avoid passive writing which creeps in once and awhile.
For example:
The masses swarm yards, parking lots, driveways and streets. They Jump hedges and fences, sit on shoulders, climb trees, and scale walls to reach rooftops, desperate to catch any glimpse of the mayhem.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Dear Ric,
It reads like a newspaper article and low and behold I find out at the end it is. It makes me think this could be in the future where barbarism is now widespread (similar to the Roman empire) or where aliens from another world have come to earth and stage shows similar to what the Romans did.
I'd eliminate most ly words, tighten some, and avoid passive writing which creeps in once and awhile.
For example:
The masses swarm yards, parking lots, driveways and streets. They Jump hedges and fences, sit on shoulders, climb trees, and scale walls to reach rooftops, desperate to catch any glimpse of the mayhem.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 17-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Yes, this whole story is a journalist trying to catch all the action from a safe distance. I wasn't sure how it might be perceived by readers, and honestly was quite surprised. Thank you so much, Winslow, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. Especially coming from you, whose work I so enjoy. Thanks again, Ric. :-)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Ric,
My goodness, your writing has improved, the quality has sky-rocketed. Delighted for you. The ribbons on your profile page are a testament to your hard work and perseverance.
Well done, sir!
Sonali
pull the two spivs, Art and Homer, out by (handfuls) of hair and the seats
conference table and pe(e)ked near
the poor to the very rich, un(be)knowns(t) to
adventure(-)seekers torn and crumpled, lie motionless, lifeless.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Ric,
My goodness, your writing has improved, the quality has sky-rocketed. Delighted for you. The ribbons on your profile page are a testament to your hard work and perseverance.
Well done, sir!
Sonali
pull the two spivs, Art and Homer, out by (handfuls) of hair and the seats
conference table and pe(e)ked near
the poor to the very rich, un(be)knowns(t) to
adventure(-)seekers torn and crumpled, lie motionless, lifeless.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Hello, Sonali,
I was so glad to find your review. I replied to this review last night, but since it popped back up, I was afraid you might not have gotten it. I can't thank you enough for the kind words and continued encouragement that you've always given me. You and Gayle came along about the same time, when I was about to give up, and quit. I'm sorry that Gayle isn't here to see me now, or maybe she is and I just don't know it, and I'm so happy when you stop by to check on my progress. Because if you hadn't come along when you did, I wouldn't still be trying to improve. I can't thank you enough! I changed the sentence to (handfuls) of hair and seats ....
As for the sentence with peaked that you said to change to peeked: I was meaning peaked near the ceiling; not, peeked through the smoke.
The next sentence I must not have made myself clear as to what I was trying to say, so thanks to you, again, I changed that sentence to read: ... the poor to the very rich, from unknowns, to worldwide celebrities.
I changed the first and last suggestions as you instructed me to.
Thanks a million, as always!
Ric
Comment from Nan Beeson
What an interesting story. Your paragraph, "Spectators' ranting chants had drowned out the loud speakers, completely. The patrons begged for action and hoped for carnage," and continuing with "an army of bloodthirsty, screaming fans whooping it up with the enthusiasm of Aztecs offering humans for sacrifice."
Reading this is what kept my interest until the end and reminded me of the incidents taking place today.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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What an interesting story. Your paragraph, "Spectators' ranting chants had drowned out the loud speakers, completely. The patrons begged for action and hoped for carnage," and continuing with "an army of bloodthirsty, screaming fans whooping it up with the enthusiasm of Aztecs offering humans for sacrifice."
Reading this is what kept my interest until the end and reminded me of the incidents taking place today.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Nan, for taking time to read my story. This piece definitely isn't for everyone, including me for that matter. It is supposed to be a journalist trying to catch the swift-moving action from a safe distance, while unable to hear conversations and only bits of dialog. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You are most welcome.
Smiles...
Comment from trumby
I do martial arts myself, so I do enjoy what most people term as "blood sports". This sort of stuff is actually what we talk about on most nights of training.
This is like the "townies", who loudly decry the culling of kangaroos, but have never been out of the town and have no idea of the amount of damage that these animals do.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I do martial arts myself, so I do enjoy what most people term as "blood sports". This sort of stuff is actually what we talk about on most nights of training.
This is like the "townies", who loudly decry the culling of kangaroos, but have never been out of the town and have no idea of the amount of damage that these animals do.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Trumby, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Wow! That was really gory. The imagery was so well written, I could see it all plainly unfolding as it happened. I could really imagine something like this happening, humans have always liked blood sport and get caught up in the mayhem. Excellent writing, well done! Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Wow! That was really gory. The imagery was so well written, I could see it all plainly unfolding as it happened. I could really imagine something like this happening, humans have always liked blood sport and get caught up in the mayhem. Excellent writing, well done! Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Sandra Mitchell, for taking time to read my story. This piece definitely isn't for everyone, including me. It is supposed to be a journalist trying to catch the action from a safe distance, while unable to hear conversation and only bits of dialog. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from michaelcahill
I thought I'd reviewed this already. I guess I was too stunned. What a remarkable onslaught of imagery backdropping a stark and realistic story. There's no holds barred and that's just how life can be and it often is, too often. We, humans, can be a desperate bunch and the times dictate that. The worse the times, the worse the desperation. I've read them all. This is the winner in my eyes. Good luck in the booths, you never know how that's gonna go. Your real victory is having this in your portfolio. Great work. mikey
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I thought I'd reviewed this already. I guess I was too stunned. What a remarkable onslaught of imagery backdropping a stark and realistic story. There's no holds barred and that's just how life can be and it often is, too often. We, humans, can be a desperate bunch and the times dictate that. The worse the times, the worse the desperation. I've read them all. This is the winner in my eyes. Good luck in the booths, you never know how that's gonna go. Your real victory is having this in your portfolio. Great work. mikey
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Mikey, my friend, for taking time to read my story. This one definitely isn't for everyone, including me for that matter. It is supposed to be a journalist trying to catch the constant, ever-changing action from a safe distance, while unable to hear conversations and only bits of dialog. After four straight bad reviews, the last couple being retaliation for a friend whom I let get under my skin a little with their three. Your kind words and encouraging six-star review have made my day. Who am I kidding, maybe my week!