THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Axtilla Versus Doctrex"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from MaBaker
Hi Jay. There is no wonder you are rated high, your writing is so good. This No typos that I could find. This chapter moves along at a good clip always first class. Regards MaBaker
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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Hi Jay. There is no wonder you are rated high, your writing is so good. This No typos that I could find. This chapter moves along at a good clip always first class. Regards MaBaker
Comment Written 25-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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Thanks, MaBaker, for your kind review. I appreciate you.
Comment from Gloria ....
I love reading novels in reverse. I find it opens up new neural pathways. :))
I am a seer, and, I too want you to suffer a little longer for that.
Terrific story, Jay. Fantasy is a bit of a stretch for me, but you never know, that might change in old/er age.
Perfectly written as always. Now, where to spend my two cents. They still have that candy? ;-)
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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I love reading novels in reverse. I find it opens up new neural pathways. :))
I am a seer, and, I too want you to suffer a little longer for that.
Terrific story, Jay. Fantasy is a bit of a stretch for me, but you never know, that might change in old/er age.
Perfectly written as always. Now, where to spend my two cents. They still have that candy? ;-)
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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You know you'll never get older. I've just cast my spell on you. Of course everyone around you will. You are a sweetheart. I was afraid you might think I was hinting--and you know I'm above that. LOL, Thanks a bunch, Gloria.
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Oh for God's sake. LOL. Thanks for the spell though. Preciate it! :))
Comment from padumachitta
Hello Jay. Geez, I am glad I have been keeping notes! This has circles within spheres within circles, I am enjoying trying to figure out how it will all play out. Do you knowÃ?...Or does it come to you as you write, a sort of underground flow of scenes...
The thing is, I am hooked and when I am away then I need to go back and re read. Is it okay if I read and don't review all of it? I feel bad asking, but I don't have ton of time...and I want to keep up...
Is there no way you can get these published...so that I could buy the book and read at my leisure:-)
padumachitta
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Hello Jay. Geez, I am glad I have been keeping notes! This has circles within spheres within circles, I am enjoying trying to figure out how it will all play out. Do you knowÃ?...Or does it come to you as you write, a sort of underground flow of scenes...
The thing is, I am hooked and when I am away then I need to go back and re read. Is it okay if I read and don't review all of it? I feel bad asking, but I don't have ton of time...and I want to keep up...
Is there no way you can get these published...so that I could buy the book and read at my leisure:-)
padumachitta
Comment Written 18-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Publication is the real goal, of course. But a lot of work needed for that. Until then, read what you can appreciated. Review not needed. Well... Unless I have 25 and yours would make the 26th and the ATB status. LOL, I'm thrilled you just want to read it. Thanks for this generous rating and commentary.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
A strong hook opens this episode setting the scene with nostalgia by deploying a simile and magical realism.
Amplifying this splash of sympathetic backstory, the timeline is shifted by a frantic (frantic used 2x in this segment) flash forward. We feel panic and resignation in the first person narration.
The second segment starts with another shift in the timeline. This use of a fragmented timeline is very good--thus far each time point showing a continuation of the main plot in a way that is much more interesting than a lineal timeline.
In Swain's terms, we see the narrator motivated by love, the logical goal is bonding with Axtilla, but there is unexpected conflict with the frantic girl--then disaster--an incomprehensible separation from the goal (love interest). This has not only given us backstory, but dramatically magnifies sexual tension when we transition back to the main through line. The narrator then reacts to his confused feelings. His dilemma is interpreting hers. The answer is given in a mental flashback-- a further deployment of the fragmented timeline, used skillfully and so seamlessly the reader isn't left feeling whipsawed.
In terms of micro-structure, there is an engaging pattern of motivation and reaction: Rhuether's news/Pondria's conflicting thoughts; Rhuether's revelation about Axtilla's coolness (disaster)/ Pondria's understanding-reaction-decision (needs to figure it out/needs to see Axtilla). These needs (motivation) give us the next goal (reaction): attack the problem head-on. Planned or not, the deployment of the motivation/reaction micro-structure is used efficiently throughout.
The episode bookends with reclining scenes--the first scene is romantic nostalgia contrasted in the last lying there feeling loneliness and uncertainty. We cliff-hang on the possibility of the stage being set for the prophecy's fulfillment.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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A strong hook opens this episode setting the scene with nostalgia by deploying a simile and magical realism.
Amplifying this splash of sympathetic backstory, the timeline is shifted by a frantic (frantic used 2x in this segment) flash forward. We feel panic and resignation in the first person narration.
The second segment starts with another shift in the timeline. This use of a fragmented timeline is very good--thus far each time point showing a continuation of the main plot in a way that is much more interesting than a lineal timeline.
In Swain's terms, we see the narrator motivated by love, the logical goal is bonding with Axtilla, but there is unexpected conflict with the frantic girl--then disaster--an incomprehensible separation from the goal (love interest). This has not only given us backstory, but dramatically magnifies sexual tension when we transition back to the main through line. The narrator then reacts to his confused feelings. His dilemma is interpreting hers. The answer is given in a mental flashback-- a further deployment of the fragmented timeline, used skillfully and so seamlessly the reader isn't left feeling whipsawed.
In terms of micro-structure, there is an engaging pattern of motivation and reaction: Rhuether's news/Pondria's conflicting thoughts; Rhuether's revelation about Axtilla's coolness (disaster)/ Pondria's understanding-reaction-decision (needs to figure it out/needs to see Axtilla). These needs (motivation) give us the next goal (reaction): attack the problem head-on. Planned or not, the deployment of the motivation/reaction micro-structure is used efficiently throughout.
The episode bookends with reclining scenes--the first scene is romantic nostalgia contrasted in the last lying there feeling loneliness and uncertainty. We cliff-hang on the possibility of the stage being set for the prophecy's fulfillment.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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This has been the most complete crit, rather exegesis, of this chapter I've seen, Robert. You have some remarkable analytical skills. Thank you for sharing all this with me. If I didn't give you the Thumbs up this month, I'm adding your name to the list for when I get my new supply in. In the meantime, thanks for ALL you've done with this one, as well as the marvelous 6 star rating.
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Your welcome! Keep up the good work!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Jsy, you tell a complex tale, friend, that requires great focus on the part of your reader's intellect.
As for me - ah, the woman in me can't wait to see romance ripen where it should. I have a feeling you have many more revelations in store.
Hope you've had a productive week. Smiles ... :) :)
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Jsy, you tell a complex tale, friend, that requires great focus on the part of your reader's intellect.
As for me - ah, the woman in me can't wait to see romance ripen where it should. I have a feeling you have many more revelations in store.
Hope you've had a productive week. Smiles ... :) :)
Sonali :)
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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I did have a productive week, Sonali. Thanks for asking. Thanks, also for your reading this and for your comments.
Comment from Loren (7)
I especially liked Glnot's confession: "Remember, Brother, that was my gift. I've perfected it. It's where I excel." It sort of makes him more personable and approachable in a way. Also, a grate teaching moment for all of us :) Loren
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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I especially liked Glnot's confession: "Remember, Brother, that was my gift. I've perfected it. It's where I excel." It sort of makes him more personable and approachable in a way. Also, a grate teaching moment for all of us :) Loren
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Loren, for your insight and for revealing your enjoyment of this.
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Jay! I'm jumping into this story cold. I'm curious about this membrane and portal to different dimensions. I'll read more chapters just to find out :) You write so well. I can find no nits that jump out at me. I was curious that you used, "very" once in this chapter. I have come to understand that as one of the words to avoid. Curious what you have to say about that. I'm but a humble beginner writer. You have my deepest admiration!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Hi Jay! I'm jumping into this story cold. I'm curious about this membrane and portal to different dimensions. I'll read more chapters just to find out :) You write so well. I can find no nits that jump out at me. I was curious that you used, "very" once in this chapter. I have come to understand that as one of the words to avoid. Curious what you have to say about that. I'm but a humble beginner writer. You have my deepest admiration!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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"Very" is a word and therefore can be used, but can also be abused. And if anything can be abused, I'm your man! I probably could have gotten on well without it. Thanks for pointing it out. Mainly, thanks for reading. I hope you'll read the next installment of it Saturday night.
Comment from Sis Cat
Chapter reminded me of Alice in Wonderland through the rabbit hole. The new dimension was surreal.
Oh boy, this was exciting as the stage is set "for the prophecy's fulfillment." The reader also received explanations about "gifts," Percy, and the frog.
One thing I noticed in this chapter is your use of interior monologues and questions to propel the story forward. The reader hears the character's thoughts and puzzling things over.
Your prose is clean and your dialogue and descriptions are engaging.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Chapter reminded me of Alice in Wonderland through the rabbit hole. The new dimension was surreal.
Oh boy, this was exciting as the stage is set "for the prophecy's fulfillment." The reader also received explanations about "gifts," Percy, and the frog.
One thing I noticed in this chapter is your use of interior monologues and questions to propel the story forward. The reader hears the character's thoughts and puzzling things over.
Your prose is clean and your dialogue and descriptions are engaging.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Andre, your comments are so encouraging and evidence your deep and close reading. Thanks for being here, as always, and being so gracious. Your six thrills me as well.
Comment from barkingdog
To reiterate what you have explained would be senseless. Besides it's too complex and you've already done it so well. lol
All is very clear and the scene is set for him to meet Axtilla at dinner.
I had to smile when you mentioned Percy.
:) e
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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To reiterate what you have explained would be senseless. Besides it's too complex and you've already done it so well. lol
All is very clear and the scene is set for him to meet Axtilla at dinner.
I had to smile when you mentioned Percy.
:) e
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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THank you, Ellen. Glad you enjoyed this. Yep, they'll meet.
Comment from Aiona
Jay, I enjoy reading your writing! Lots of deep POV from Doctrex, right? I wish I had more time to sit down and read all that came before, but this chapter engages. Maybe this weekend, I'll have to shut the kids outta the office and get caught up completely.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Jay, I enjoy reading your writing! Lots of deep POV from Doctrex, right? I wish I had more time to sit down and read all that came before, but this chapter engages. Maybe this weekend, I'll have to shut the kids outta the office and get caught up completely.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Hi, Aiona. I'm just pleased you're taking time to read this. I appreciate you.
