THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "TOUCH AND GO (Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
oh, thank you! i'm so happy he woke up! i hope it is not only to say goodbye! emotionally charge up chapter, the love of doctrex, so father's-like love. very well described. up onto the next chapter!
again, no suggestions
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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oh, thank you! i'm so happy he woke up! i hope it is not only to say goodbye! emotionally charge up chapter, the love of doctrex, so father's-like love. very well described. up onto the next chapter!
again, no suggestions
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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No suggestions needed. By the way, Tina, through your help I've had four more chapters reach ATB status. That's rare, once a post has dropped out. I'm sure it has Tom scratching his head, but checking your reviews and seeing the HUGE number you've read and commented on exhaustively (now that looks funny, but I'm sure you were exhausted too!)he can see I wasn't asking you to push The Trining chapters from 25 to 26 reviews. I just wanted to thank you especially for that, though.
Comment from padumachitta
Hey Jay...I promised to back read...and so here I am. I will take the liberty of cut and paste...and comment only if I see something glaring to fix.
Otherwise, you can assume, I like it(you know this already)...
and I can just sit back and enjoy the read...padumachitta
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Hey Jay...I promised to back read...and so here I am. I will take the liberty of cut and paste...and comment only if I see something glaring to fix.
Otherwise, you can assume, I like it(you know this already)...
and I can just sit back and enjoy the read...padumachitta
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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You're da bomb, Padumachitta!
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
A bit of a slower chapter here, allowing us to catch our breath. You do a good job describing how they're taking care of Jed, the meticulous nature of health care without going overboard.
"We've got a little cough, do we, Jed ?" Spacing error after Jed. But I feel like this paragraph has too much repetition. I think you use Jed's name and the word "throat" too much here. So aside from the spacing error, I would actually recommend that you eliminate "Jed" altogether. In fact, I would take it a step further and have it so that the doctor doesn't use Jed's name at all: they aren't acquainted, so to the doctor, who seems to be very caring, Jed is just another patient. As for throat:
"You need some cool water to pour down your throat." Just say: "You need some cool water to drink." And "You'll feel so much better with your throat nice and wet." Instead. "You're drier than summer right now. Some nice, small sips will do you well."
Good read, Jay!
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2014
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A bit of a slower chapter here, allowing us to catch our breath. You do a good job describing how they're taking care of Jed, the meticulous nature of health care without going overboard.
"We've got a little cough, do we, Jed ?" Spacing error after Jed. But I feel like this paragraph has too much repetition. I think you use Jed's name and the word "throat" too much here. So aside from the spacing error, I would actually recommend that you eliminate "Jed" altogether. In fact, I would take it a step further and have it so that the doctor doesn't use Jed's name at all: they aren't acquainted, so to the doctor, who seems to be very caring, Jed is just another patient. As for throat:
"You need some cool water to pour down your throat." Just say: "You need some cool water to drink." And "You'll feel so much better with your throat nice and wet." Instead. "You're drier than summer right now. Some nice, small sips will do you well."
Good read, Jay!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2014
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Some good stuff here. Thanks, Sean. I'm having a lot of trouble navigating this new system, and I don't want to lose my replies by going back and looking at it. I WILL do it. I value your input.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Jay,
A very touching chapter ... and I like the length! (I think you've finally come up with the perfect word count.)
I've missed a lot of action, I see. I have to try and go back to catch up.
It's good to be back with Doctrex and his cohorts. Look forward to finding out more. And waiting for Axtillia's return, of course!
What an awful thing, having your work disappear. I'd be beside myself. Hope the re-write goes well. Fingers crossed for you.
Hope you're having a(n otherwise) great week.
Until next time,
Sonali
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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Hello Jay,
A very touching chapter ... and I like the length! (I think you've finally come up with the perfect word count.)
I've missed a lot of action, I see. I have to try and go back to catch up.
It's good to be back with Doctrex and his cohorts. Look forward to finding out more. And waiting for Axtillia's return, of course!
What an awful thing, having your work disappear. I'd be beside myself. Hope the re-write goes well. Fingers crossed for you.
Hope you're having a(n otherwise) great week.
Until next time,
Sonali
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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Oh, Sonali, I can't tell you how good it is to have you back and reading The Trining. The future chapters will be slow in coming so, if you've a mind to, it will give you time to catch up with what you've missed.
As a salesman by profession, I've been obsessed by "keeping score" (more so than is healthy, probably) but I am at 25 reviews for many of my past chapters and one more will push them into All Time Best status. LOL, now that I've said that, I'm feeling a wave of shame. I really shouldn't care.
It is REALLY good just to have you back, though.
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It's good to be back, Jay. A mound of stuff to catch up on and a huge craving and not enough time to be on FS!
Comment from Fridayauthor
Another nice chapter. I'm sorry about your loss of work. If you're like me, re-typing is a major drag.
You need some cool water to pour down your throat.
You need some cool water. (No need to repeat "throat")
"May I?" I asked. (Given their positions, I don't think doctrex would ask permission, for anything.)
Back from a four day holiday. One more week as a hillbilly before a few days in Alogadonas.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Another nice chapter. I'm sorry about your loss of work. If you're like me, re-typing is a major drag.
You need some cool water to pour down your throat.
You need some cool water. (No need to repeat "throat")
"May I?" I asked. (Given their positions, I don't think doctrex would ask permission, for anything.)
Back from a four day holiday. One more week as a hillbilly before a few days in Alogadonas.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Thanks for coming back to this, Ray. I appreciate it. Thank you for the suggestions. I'll have a look at them, though not today since on top of everything else I have to help my daughter move.
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I hope your daughter-move is easier than mine. A year ago last spring I moved her, via a U-haul truck, from Eugene, OR to Fayetteville, ARK.
Good luck!
PS: We're too old to be hauling furniture!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
oh, I needed that little bit of respite. I needed to see this recovery by Jed and it makes me feel more positive already that there may be some happier reading to come.It's great to see them together at least, and I'm anxious to read on, Giddy (I've caught up with all the chapters now. I was surprised to see I'd missed so many when I was only away for a week and a half.)
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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oh, I needed that little bit of respite. I needed to see this recovery by Jed and it makes me feel more positive already that there may be some happier reading to come.It's great to see them together at least, and I'm anxious to read on, Giddy (I've caught up with all the chapters now. I was surprised to see I'd missed so many when I was only away for a week and a half.)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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I was posting three to four chapters a week, trying to get to this point, knowing I would have to start doing (if I'm lucky) one a week as I complete writing a new chapter. Thank you so much for going back and completing the past chapters.
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No worries,:)
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 18 of the book THE TRINING Book Three TOUCH AND GO (Pt 2)" This chapter you have created here is on par with your other work. And yes, we will patiently await your postings whenever you're ready. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Chapter 18 of the book THE TRINING Book Three TOUCH AND GO (Pt 2)" This chapter you have created here is on par with your other work. And yes, we will patiently await your postings whenever you're ready. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Bless you, Chasennov. By the way, is that your last name?
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You are most welcome. No, only the first part is my first name, the last part is my former wife's name, Yvonne, with the Y dropped. She died last year after 57 years together. I am now remarried to a lovely Canadian girl, Stephanie.
Comment from Twilightspire
Whew! At least he's awake. After so brutal a torture, I wasn't sure if Jed would make it. I wonder how Doctrex would have reacted had Jed perished? Would he have ridden this out and turned into a vengeful man or would he have instantly went on the offensive?
Either way, I'm glad Jed has returned to us.
You did a great job keeping the tension and testing our resolve in this chapter. Your knack for Doctrex's inner monologue and scene setting was as always perfection. Hopefully you don't take long recreating your missing chapters, and I am sorry that that happened to you. It really stinks.
I use the program Write-it-now and it backs up to the hard-drive only, so I have to put it in my portable hard-drive every time I'm done with a chapter, so I feel your pain.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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Whew! At least he's awake. After so brutal a torture, I wasn't sure if Jed would make it. I wonder how Doctrex would have reacted had Jed perished? Would he have ridden this out and turned into a vengeful man or would he have instantly went on the offensive?
Either way, I'm glad Jed has returned to us.
You did a great job keeping the tension and testing our resolve in this chapter. Your knack for Doctrex's inner monologue and scene setting was as always perfection. Hopefully you don't take long recreating your missing chapters, and I am sorry that that happened to you. It really stinks.
I use the program Write-it-now and it backs up to the hard-drive only, so I have to put it in my portable hard-drive every time I'm done with a chapter, so I feel your pain.
-T.J.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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You don't use Dropbox, TJ. I've started using that since this happened so that it's saved in the cloud. It's free. If you're not familiar with it let me know and I'll get you the URL (if a person I recommend gets it, I get more space.)
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I know I've answered this, but it's the only way I can get to the Reviewer Reward screen. You are deserving and I got a whole new batch of Thumbs Up awards with your name on my list!
Comment from kiwijenny
Jay I love your attention to detail...
And I am so sorry your computer crashed...I would hate to rewrite stuff that I had lost...so sorry Jay
Well done
God bless
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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Jay I love your attention to detail...
And I am so sorry your computer crashed...I would hate to rewrite stuff that I had lost...so sorry Jay
Well done
God bless
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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God bless you as well, Jenny. God willing, I'll be able to re-create the chapters to have the same energy as the original. Thank you for caring.
Comment from boxergirl
Bummer about losing your chapters. I would have to cry a little. But this chapter was a good one. Very touching when Jay responds to the plea to open his eyes. 8-)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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Bummer about losing your chapters. I would have to cry a little. But this chapter was a good one. Very touching when Jay responds to the plea to open his eyes. 8-)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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Oh, in my way I cried a LOT. But I'll approach the re-creating as a blessing. I will have to reconnect with my earlier self. It's doable. Thanks for hanging in there.
