THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "ILLUSION SPREAD TOO THIN? (Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
21 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
good chapter overall. my comments from the last chapter applies to this too, and i believe you answered also my question from yesterday - why ruether doesn't fight them with his magic if he's so powerful... turns out he's not as powerful as he looked, and he is rather limited. thankyyou for giving me answers right after i asked the questions :) that proves the quality of the writing! :)
"Very simply,["] General Doctrex, ["]the first thing // the speech marks shouldn't be there
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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good chapter overall. my comments from the last chapter applies to this too, and i believe you answered also my question from yesterday - why ruether doesn't fight them with his magic if he's so powerful... turns out he's not as powerful as he looked, and he is rather limited. thankyyou for giving me answers right after i asked the questions :) that proves the quality of the writing! :)
"Very simply,["] General Doctrex, ["]the first thing // the speech marks shouldn't be there
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Ah, ha! I went back and took care of the two speech marks right away. Great catch, Tina.
Comment from Dashjianta
Interesting discussion and speculation about the extent of Glnot's magic and his reason's for the differences in his methods. Was half-expecting Glnot to pop one if his illusion soldier's in there and have him declare the last dead soldier had Doctrex's ID before Doctrex said it himself. Doctrex's attempt at humour failed at the end--his men obviously didn't like the implication that Glnot could kill their General, even an illusionary one.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
"Very simply," General Doctrex, "the first thing I noticed
--Those pesky "s have sneaked in again, either side of General Doctrex. (unless 'General Doctrex' is meant to be 'Braims said')
"Well, you've got our attention now, Braims,(.)" I laughed.
If I were to summarize it in just a few sentences what we should take away from it, it would be
--Consider taking out the first 'it' to improve the flow.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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Interesting discussion and speculation about the extent of Glnot's magic and his reason's for the differences in his methods. Was half-expecting Glnot to pop one if his illusion soldier's in there and have him declare the last dead soldier had Doctrex's ID before Doctrex said it himself. Doctrex's attempt at humour failed at the end--his men obviously didn't like the implication that Glnot could kill their General, even an illusionary one.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
"Very simply," General Doctrex, "the first thing I noticed
--Those pesky "s have sneaked in again, either side of General Doctrex. (unless 'General Doctrex' is meant to be 'Braims said')
"Well, you've got our attention now, Braims,(.)" I laughed.
If I were to summarize it in just a few sentences what we should take away from it, it would be
--Consider taking out the first 'it' to improve the flow.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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I'll have a closer look at who said what. LOL, thanks for pointing the closed quote problem.
Comment from Twilightspire
This makes me wonder something. If Glnot's ultimate plan isn't to eventually show that Doctrex is not who he says he is.
The soldier in the snow had his identification. The use of the phantom soldiers. I understand they are to get fear and confusion going among the enemy, but could there be another reason?
If it was found out this late in the game, it could ruin the men's morale and ultimately spell disaster for Doctrex and the war effort.
Yikes.
This chapter was once again written very well. I love how you mingle the dialogue with enough scenery and action tags to feel the story moving along with the pace. Excellent work.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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This makes me wonder something. If Glnot's ultimate plan isn't to eventually show that Doctrex is not who he says he is.
The soldier in the snow had his identification. The use of the phantom soldiers. I understand they are to get fear and confusion going among the enemy, but could there be another reason?
If it was found out this late in the game, it could ruin the men's morale and ultimately spell disaster for Doctrex and the war effort.
Yikes.
This chapter was once again written very well. I love how you mingle the dialogue with enough scenery and action tags to feel the story moving along with the pace. Excellent work.
-T.J.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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TJ, you could be a reviewer for the New York Times! Thank you for your kind words and your deep read of the text. I love it when the reader starts speculating. It shows involvement!
Comment from Writingfundimension
Sorry for the delay in getting to this, Jay. Been away from FanStory for a while.
So, Doctrex is able lead the men into thinking along the same lines by being as completely honest as he can. He has a very bright inner group, especially the medic who gets to show off a bit here. Very well done, Jay.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Sorry for the delay in getting to this, Jay. Been away from FanStory for a while.
So, Doctrex is able lead the men into thinking along the same lines by being as completely honest as he can. He has a very bright inner group, especially the medic who gets to show off a bit here. Very well done, Jay.
:) Bev
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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You know, your absence was noted and missed. LOL, I did miss your visits and figured when you came back you'd bring a note from your parents.
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Well, the note would have to be about my parent LoL. It's good to be back with your wonderful story and the heroic Doctrex, Jay. :) Bev
Comment from innerworlds
Another excellent chapter with no corrections to be made.
The more I get involved in your book, the shorter the chapters seem to be. Waiting for the next chapter seems interminable. Fortunately, I have several to catch up with right now, so.... on to the next (with great anticipation).
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Another excellent chapter with no corrections to be made.
The more I get involved in your book, the shorter the chapters seem to be. Waiting for the next chapter seems interminable. Fortunately, I have several to catch up with right now, so.... on to the next (with great anticipation).
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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THANKS so much for the 6 stars, Randi. I really do appreciate you!
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And I'm the appreciative recipient of your writing talent!
Comment from padumachitta
Hey Jay. I haave been away..and am trying to catch up fast...so please forgive me for my brief review...
I like this...because of Braims and what you say about his view being 'life affirming'...good one, that is a great foil agaisnnt the dark.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Hey Jay. I haave been away..and am trying to catch up fast...so please forgive me for my brief review...
I like this...because of Braims and what you say about his view being 'life affirming'...good one, that is a great foil agaisnnt the dark.
padumachitta
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thanks Padumachitta for your kindness. Good to have you back in the fold.
Comment from Walter L. Jones
Once upon a time, shift of purpose, setting the hook, but how, too much, I wonder, your story, caught me, always on the edge, too much magic or just enough, where is the help...Walt
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
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Once upon a time, shift of purpose, setting the hook, but how, too much, I wonder, your story, caught me, always on the edge, too much magic or just enough, where is the help...Walt
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
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The next two chapters, both up now, will build to the crescendo most are waiting for. I love having you by!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Okay, so it's palling a bit... No big deal. There is no way I could put this book down... It has me in its grip like a large cobweb. Giddy
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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Okay, so it's palling a bit... No big deal. There is no way I could put this book down... It has me in its grip like a large cobweb. Giddy
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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I'm glad you're being patient, Giddy. I think it will be worth the wait.
Comment from rjpurdy
Good explaination of Rheuther's magic. Excellent way to use it as advantage for the good guys. The ever present tension continues to build. Doctrex is indeed a good leader and now his army is one to be reckoned with. I find myself with a burst of courage for the inevitable battle. Excellent Jay!
~Peace~ Rod
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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Good explaination of Rheuther's magic. Excellent way to use it as advantage for the good guys. The ever present tension continues to build. Doctrex is indeed a good leader and now his army is one to be reckoned with. I find myself with a burst of courage for the inevitable battle. Excellent Jay!
~Peace~ Rod
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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THanks, Rod. I'm so glad to have you along. The story next chapter sets the stage for the battle to come.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Jay Glad I took time to read more of the adventures of Doctrex
You indeed, what I call a novel idea creating the
mysterious phantom solider to keep a readers attention
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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Hi Jay Glad I took time to read more of the adventures of Doctrex
You indeed, what I call a novel idea creating the
mysterious phantom solider to keep a readers attention
Gert
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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Bless you, Gert! I'm so glad you got to read this chapter -- and of course that you rewarded it so generously. Thank you!!!!
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You are welcome Jay
Gert
