THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "RHUETHER UNRAVELING? (Pt 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
22 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
know your enemy well. i believe doctrex is doing well that he tells his men everything. they need to know what exactly they fight against.
no suggestions :)
and thumb up for another cliff hanger!! my readers often tell me that i end the chapters at the wrong place, so i see i have to learn somehting from you :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
  |
know your enemy well. i believe doctrex is doing well that he tells his men everything. they need to know what exactly they fight against.
no suggestions :)
and thumb up for another cliff hanger!! my readers often tell me that i end the chapters at the wrong place, so i see i have to learn somehting from you :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
-
Sometimes I feel I use too many cliff hangers. But it seems to work! Why argue against success? Thanks again.
Comment from Dashjianta
Good way to summarise what's happened so far, it brings those who've jumped in late up to date and summarises things neatly for everyone else. I like the way he uses each incident to highlight his message, like with Lesn's aloneness.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
to meet at Braims(') tent.
--Or Braims's (that may be a British thing) if you prefer.
and how I discovered three others who were with me, and were also connected with the Kabeezan mission(,) who had similar invasions into their sleeping minds at the same time.
How, early on, Glnot Rhuether, came in sleep-time visions
--Squash the last comma.
when Lesn's friend, Morz, physically exploded.
--Did he ever give the okay for the truth to be revealed? I can't remember but something's niggling that he told those who knew not to reveal the details.
Later, I discovered from the Camp Commander that there was no Escort (escort?)
So, does anyone remember anything about Grinzy's men? Did they say anything? Remember the color of their eyes? Their hair?"
--This could be misread as Did they (the escorts) remember the color of their eyes/hair. Trying to think of a tweak and all I can suggest is moving 'Did they say anything?' to the end, but it doesn't have the same flow that way.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
|
Good way to summarise what's happened so far, it brings those who've jumped in late up to date and summarises things neatly for everyone else. I like the way he uses each incident to highlight his message, like with Lesn's aloneness.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
to meet at Braims(') tent.
--Or Braims's (that may be a British thing) if you prefer.
and how I discovered three others who were with me, and were also connected with the Kabeezan mission(,) who had similar invasions into their sleeping minds at the same time.
How, early on, Glnot Rhuether, came in sleep-time visions
--Squash the last comma.
when Lesn's friend, Morz, physically exploded.
--Did he ever give the okay for the truth to be revealed? I can't remember but something's niggling that he told those who knew not to reveal the details.
Later, I discovered from the Camp Commander that there was no Escort (escort?)
So, does anyone remember anything about Grinzy's men? Did they say anything? Remember the color of their eyes? Their hair?"
--This could be misread as Did they (the escorts) remember the color of their eyes/hair. Trying to think of a tweak and all I can suggest is moving 'Did they say anything?' to the end, but it doesn't have the same flow that way.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
-
What is it with me and commas. It's like I take a handful at the end of a page and just toss them. I'll have a close look at your suggestions and comments.
Comment from Twilightspire
Brilliant! What a perfect cliff hanger moment. I was almost tempted to keep reading on and not leave a review, but that would be most dastardly on my part.
I love that you brought the reader fully up to speed over what has happened in this book and a peak at the second book. An excellent way to goad a new reader into checking out the previous work, without actually having to.
Excellent work getting us fired up for the next chapter.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Brilliant! What a perfect cliff hanger moment. I was almost tempted to keep reading on and not leave a review, but that would be most dastardly on my part.
I love that you brought the reader fully up to speed over what has happened in this book and a peak at the second book. An excellent way to goad a new reader into checking out the previous work, without actually having to.
Excellent work getting us fired up for the next chapter.
-T.J.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
THanks so much, TJ. This is my first trilogy. I'm used to tying up threads completely and moving on to a different type of work. But I have to think like a marketing person with a trilogy. Some will start at book II or III and I'm hoping will be interested in the character enough to try one of the other books. So, yes, a little shameless promotion goes on, but it's also to remind readers of this book of what happened in earlier chapters. Also, I've had a number of readers tell me they want to hear about Axtilla. Well, she's in a castle in the far north. All I can do is bring out the depth of Doctrex's desire for her occasionally.
Comment from Drew Delaney
to enable hm to - missing letter him
Unless you are using some vernacular or dialect
Well written. Interesting and I'm getting to know a bit more of the characters. Why are certain characters hearing voices in their heads? Just wondering! Drew
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
|
to enable hm to - missing letter him
Unless you are using some vernacular or dialect
Well written. Interesting and I'm getting to know a bit more of the characters. Why are certain characters hearing voices in their heads? Just wondering! Drew
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
-
Oh, my goodness, Drew. I'll go back and check it out right away. No, not vernacular. The voices... Well, they have found their actions guided by visions and voices since the middle of book two. Their enemy is Glnot Rhuether of the far north, who is apparently expert at mental manipulation. I'm telling you this in hopes you will be back to visit future chapters. LOL, don't let me down, Drew!
-
Don't worry Jay. I on the wagon behind you. LOL
-
THanks ;)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm curious how come you put a word count at the top. Should we be doing that. I never do. hmmm, Anyway, once again you have a good post and continuation of the story.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
|
I'm curious how come you put a word count at the top. Should we be doing that. I never do. hmmm, Anyway, once again you have a good post and continuation of the story.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
-
Thanks Barbara. No, someone else did it and I started looking at my own chapters. Though the Author's Notes doesn't count toward the total word count, it takes up space and is reflected in the size of the scanning bar. Soooo, anything to get the reader to not look simply at the scan bar and skip... I'll do it. I may even place it in a more prominent position and increase it's font size!
Comment from krprice
Second Paragraph, last sentence. "Thank you, Gotzel."
"Have no doubt about it. Glnot. . .
No one who was there. . .Delete who was.
Delete unnecessary 'that's.
Try to avoid saw, heard, smelled, felt.
Good chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
|
Second Paragraph, last sentence. "Thank you, Gotzel."
"Have no doubt about it. Glnot. . .
No one who was there. . .Delete who was.
Delete unnecessary 'that's.
Try to avoid saw, heard, smelled, felt.
Good chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
-
THank you, Karlene. I don't understand,
I appreciate your close reading, Karlene.
Comment from lindalcreel
So it seems that Doctrix will be using Rheuther's weaknesses to turn the tables on him. I love what you did with this chapter. The one message I got was hope and I'm sure that was what Doctrix was aiming for. As long as they remember to act as a team, Rheuther will have a harder time getting to them.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
 |
So it seems that Doctrix will be using Rheuther's weaknesses to turn the tables on him. I love what you did with this chapter. The one message I got was hope and I'm sure that was what Doctrix was aiming for. As long as they remember to act as a team, Rheuther will have a harder time getting to them.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
-
You caught the chapter's intent, it's theme. Thank you SO much for the 6 stars, Linda!
-
My pleasure:)
Comment from GWHARGIS
I wonder if it is Axtilla who is standing there? Am I the only one who is thinking this. I keep waiting for her to reappear. Great soliloquy by Doctrex. I like that he is helping the men to realize the tricks of Glnot. I like how this has proceeded and eveerytime I get the chance I come check the site to see if any more has been written. I am taking some time off for a while. Too many things have been going on in my life right now. I can either concentate on a few and do them right, or try to do them all and half ass them. You understand. Anyway, I will continue to follow and reveiw your book. Gretchen
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
|
I wonder if it is Axtilla who is standing there? Am I the only one who is thinking this. I keep waiting for her to reappear. Great soliloquy by Doctrex. I like that he is helping the men to realize the tricks of Glnot. I like how this has proceeded and eveerytime I get the chance I come check the site to see if any more has been written. I am taking some time off for a while. Too many things have been going on in my life right now. I can either concentate on a few and do them right, or try to do them all and half ass them. You understand. Anyway, I will continue to follow and reveiw your book. Gretchen
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, Gretchen. Life happens, I understand. Stay centered. Let the world come to you for a while. No one else mentioned it. That means either you're the only one right. Or, the only one wrong. My lips are chapped... I mean sealed.
Comment from rjpurdy
Brilliant Jay. I love the way you have Doctrex tap into the men's spiritual nature. But even more, instilling the sense of community. Nothing could be important for uniting the men to fight a battle for reasons that are bigger than themselves. They are ready to fight for the man standing next to them, as well as, Kabeez.
~Peace my friend~
Rod
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
|
Brilliant Jay. I love the way you have Doctrex tap into the men's spiritual nature. But even more, instilling the sense of community. Nothing could be important for uniting the men to fight a battle for reasons that are bigger than themselves. They are ready to fight for the man standing next to them, as well as, Kabeez.
~Peace my friend~
Rod
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Hey, Rod. Hope you can stand one more short chapterful of speechifying before they continue their journey. When I go into the final edit, I realize I am going to have to abbreviate his talk with his men. Fantasy readers, especially action-fantasy readers don't put up with too much palaver. They want their spilled guts. That will come later, of course, but tell that to the ones who have the power to close a book or push the "skip" button. Thank you, though, for hanging in there and liking the psychological part of the journey. Blessings!
Jay
-
I am most enamored with your style Jay. I am not going anywhere. As one trained in human behavior, I find your depth of understanding the human psyche an intriguing part of the story. I forgot to tell you,m I found one typo.
"Did you seen him taking" SEEN
You should find this booboo in the second half of the write.
Peace to Jay and keep it coming.
Rod
-
It's wrong? LOL, Those are the kind I find embarrassing and rush to change right away. Will do that now. DONE and DONE-er. Thanks friend. Yeah, I'm just vain enough, I don't want anyone to think: "geeze, I'll bet he doesn't know any better." LOL, thanks agai, Rod. I even appreciate your calling it a booboo. It sounds so much more forgivable.
Later, friend.
-
And rare it is. Quite forgivable my friend.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
It has amazed me, Jay, from the very beginning this story has been extraordinary; and probably has attracted a unique group of readers. Somehow though, you have made it intriguing enough to keep us gripped to the action and you have been exceptional in making it sound like good sense! (Almost believable LOL) I am still enjoying it and looking forward to a great conclusion, Giddy
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
|
It has amazed me, Jay, from the very beginning this story has been extraordinary; and probably has attracted a unique group of readers. Somehow though, you have made it intriguing enough to keep us gripped to the action and you have been exceptional in making it sound like good sense! (Almost believable LOL) I am still enjoying it and looking forward to a great conclusion, Giddy
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
-
I'm happy you're getting some enjoyment from this chapter. I realize I'm going to have to fins a way of shortening Doctrex's speech with his men. It's simply too long. Thank you, though, for your support.
