Cellophane Child
a fairy story ... without fairies ... (2321 words)66 total reviews
Comment from A. R. Blackburn
This tale contains poetry and feminine mysticism, magical, karmic imagery. The villains are pure evil and the author's practical, modest voice makes those scary beasts appear more like cartoon characters to be made fun of. That's a good thing, especially considering the villains' particular forms of evil. Unexpectedly morbid, twisted in purple yet socially just. It was easy to imagine the delicate young woman as a helpless whisp of cellophane drifting over snowy planes. Admittedly, I didn't realize for several paragraphs who the tale was about. The tale is captivating overall and has a relaxed, whimsical feel despite its darker subject matter undertones. A socially relevant work of expression in my humble opinion. True art.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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This tale contains poetry and feminine mysticism, magical, karmic imagery. The villains are pure evil and the author's practical, modest voice makes those scary beasts appear more like cartoon characters to be made fun of. That's a good thing, especially considering the villains' particular forms of evil. Unexpectedly morbid, twisted in purple yet socially just. It was easy to imagine the delicate young woman as a helpless whisp of cellophane drifting over snowy planes. Admittedly, I didn't realize for several paragraphs who the tale was about. The tale is captivating overall and has a relaxed, whimsical feel despite its darker subject matter undertones. A socially relevant work of expression in my humble opinion. True art.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much, Aloe! I wrote this a long time ago, so it was fun to go back and re-visit it. My red pen edit finger was going wild but I'm delighted that you chose this piece to read!
Happy New Year!
Sharyn
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Oh, yeah, totally, the one with the purple scarf. I loved that one Sharyn. Super unique! Happy New Year to you too!
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Sharyn - this is a wonderfully well penned post. Great work as always but this one goes above and really caught me up in it. Loved every line, exceptional write and you're on rations again my dear.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Hi Sharyn - this is a wonderfully well penned post. Great work as always but this one goes above and really caught me up in it. Loved every line, exceptional write and you're on rations again my dear.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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oh I'm so glad you caught this one Maureen! and so glad, too, that you enjoyed it!
:)Sharyn
Comment from country ranch writer
A FITTING END TO THOSE WHO HURT CHILDREN HER FATHER AND HER HUSBAND BOTH GOT WHAT THEY DESERVED BY THE HAND OF GOD HE WAS THERE TO PROTECT HER FROM ANYMORE HARM
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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A FITTING END TO THOSE WHO HURT CHILDREN HER FATHER AND HER HUSBAND BOTH GOT WHAT THEY DESERVED BY THE HAND OF GOD HE WAS THERE TO PROTECT HER FROM ANYMORE HARM
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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thx so much CRW! :)))
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WELCOME
Comment from Vampires kiss
This is a wonderful story!! It kept me interested from start to finish, it moved along quickly but not too quickly! There is not a thing I would change at all about this story! Terrific job, keep up the great work!!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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This is a wonderful story!! It kept me interested from start to finish, it moved along quickly but not too quickly! There is not a thing I would change at all about this story! Terrific job, keep up the great work!!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much Vk!!! And a special HUGE thank you for that lovely six! Question: did you mind the funny little Storyteller 'asides' thru this story, or did you find them a distraction? Thx so much!
:)Sharyn
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i actually liked them, it moved the story along well :)
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oh good! thank you! I'm having some stuff edited by rama devi at the moment and she doesn't like that Storyteller feature, saying it distracts from the progress of the story - I do! So I'm just asking a few people what they think. Thanks so much for getting back to me - so much appreciated!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Sharyn,
I could see this playing out as a movie. You had me totally enthralled. I loved the addition of the colours, I respect and believe the powers they can impart. Your imagination shows no limit to your end game. A very happy ending in this fractured fairytale story. This is one of my favorite stories I have read on this site. I wish I had sixes for this, but I know this one will be packed to the brim with them. Very impressed ... This is a keeper!
One little thing, over spaced- very disrespectful to--- mothers.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
******stars!!!!!! Bravo
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Hi Sharyn,
I could see this playing out as a movie. You had me totally enthralled. I loved the addition of the colours, I respect and believe the powers they can impart. Your imagination shows no limit to your end game. A very happy ending in this fractured fairytale story. This is one of my favorite stories I have read on this site. I wish I had sixes for this, but I know this one will be packed to the brim with them. Very impressed ... This is a keeper!
One little thing, over spaced- very disrespectful to--- mothers.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
******stars!!!!!! Bravo
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much James! I'm learning about en-dashes and em-dashes at the moment and it's driving me crazy for the spacing stuff - thx so much for seeing that. I was always taught that a dash was simple - space,dash,space. End of story. It would seem that times have changed to en and em dashes and I'm totally mystified!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. A question please? I'm playing with this Storyteller style. Does it bother you when I make the funny little 'asides' at all? i.e. do you think it distracts from the story??
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My personal thought, I think that it enhances the story. First it takes you on a little side dish and brings you back for the main course. But of course that's just me, especially when it a story like this one. xx
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oh thank you James - I really appreciate that feedback! rama devi has been doing some editing for me and she advises to take these bits out - but I LIKE them! So I was just curious to ask a few people whom I trust. Thank you, as always!
:)S
Comment from Nuad1
Extremely compelling story line; O that life could REALLY even it out like depicted in this story. It flowed well; gave little surprise at the end. Good work.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Extremely compelling story line; O that life could REALLY even it out like depicted in this story. It flowed well; gave little surprise at the end. Good work.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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thx so much Nuad! :)Sharyn - yes indeed, if only life were as fair, hmm?
Comment from me_tudor
What a fun story! I loved this story. I really loved the way it ended. So long Mr. Dregs. I love it when the bad guys get what they deserve. Great job!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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What a fun story! I loved this story. I really loved the way it ended. So long Mr. Dregs. I love it when the bad guys get what they deserve. Great job!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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and I love GIVING the bad guys what they deserve my dear - so thank you so much!
:) Sharyn
Comment from reconciled
Hello...-smile-...ouch...what a read...sounds like my Aunt Nancy...in one of her many moods...lol...Always a pleasure to read you fair lady...love Michael
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Hello...-smile-...ouch...what a read...sounds like my Aunt Nancy...in one of her many moods...lol...Always a pleasure to read you fair lady...love Michael
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Hey Michael - smiles back to you my dear! I want to meet your Aunt Nancy!
:)S
Comment from adewpearl
with that opening, you ought to include a strong language warning
excellent dialogue that conveys intense emotions well and helps portray the personalities of the characters
vivid description of characters
you work in back story well
I am a huge fan of gallows humor, and this sure fits the bill.
The power of purple - I just love the birds and the crash and the splatting blood. LOL What a great happy ending :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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with that opening, you ought to include a strong language warning
excellent dialogue that conveys intense emotions well and helps portray the personalities of the characters
vivid description of characters
you work in back story well
I am a huge fan of gallows humor, and this sure fits the bill.
The power of purple - I just love the birds and the crash and the splatting blood. LOL What a great happy ending :-) Brooke
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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hi Brooke - I checked the 'strong language' section when posting, but it doesn't seem to show up! It clearly shows when I go in to edit - do you have to have FOUR dots or something? I just put in 2, as I figured it's a 2 x f-word at the very beginning and that's it. Very strange system here on FS.
:)S
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yeah, it's stupid - you have to check 3 or 4 - we've told Tom this in the forums more than once - people think they've left a warning because they're misled into thinking checking something as a 2 will make the warning show up. You should complain to him that this happened to you. I don't know why the heck he won't fix this.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A really very well written piece of writing. I was glued to the screen wondering what was going to happen. I loved the way you chose the names Crud and Dregs. And Miranda - such an angelic kind of name! Quite a fairy story. I could not fault it and I'm just sorry I have no 6's - I've been very profligate with them. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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A really very well written piece of writing. I was glued to the screen wondering what was going to happen. I loved the way you chose the names Crud and Dregs. And Miranda - such an angelic kind of name! Quite a fairy story. I could not fault it and I'm just sorry I have no 6's - I've been very profligate with them. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Bless you Dorothy - I'm so glad you enjoyed this one.
:)Sharyn