Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "A life gambled and lost."memiors from my life experiences.
7 total reviews
Comment from Babibrn
I see the effort put forth in ths writing.
Good descriptions and nice visuals but I think there was too much rhyming going on like it was forced to rhyme from beginning to end.
It was still a good read.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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I see the effort put forth in ths writing.
Good descriptions and nice visuals but I think there was too much rhyming going on like it was forced to rhyme from beginning to end.
It was still a good read.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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thank you it was a contest entry. very forced.
Comment from anne1204
Very sad and hopeless poem. Interesting rhyme and timing to this poem. The picture was perfect for the words Good Luck in the contest. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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Very sad and hopeless poem. Interesting rhyme and timing to this poem. The picture was perfect for the words Good Luck in the contest. Anne 1204
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from RebelRose
was their ... was there
The color of the text is a little too light for these old eyes but on the whole, the poem is very good with an excellent rhyming scheme. I like the choice of words. Very good contest entry.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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was their ... was there
The color of the text is a little too light for these old eyes but on the whole, the poem is very good with an excellent rhyming scheme. I like the choice of words. Very good contest entry.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Well written. Such a dispirited subject to be so disheartened, so crestfallen one chooses a permanent solution for a temporary situation.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Well written. Such a dispirited subject to be so disheartened, so crestfallen one chooses a permanent solution for a temporary situation.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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thank you.
Comment from winlaw writer
The rhythm and flow of your poem goes well at first and then the rhyming scheme seems to falter with your words just a little off key to continue the ideas that go well with your picture
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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The rhythm and flow of your poem goes well at first and then the rhyming scheme seems to falter with your words just a little off key to continue the ideas that go well with your picture
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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thanks
Comment from Suzie Q
Very well done! Beautifully said and tragic at the same time. I especially liked " if one would go back in time, was there a choice left behind, something I could see but blind" You rhyme was incredible throughout. Great job!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Very well done! Beautifully said and tragic at the same time. I especially liked " if one would go back in time, was there a choice left behind, something I could see but blind" You rhyme was incredible throughout. Great job!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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thank you for the kind review
Comment from Gungalo
I can see and feel your message in this one but you have to clean up a few things in it such as spelling and verb tenses. For example:
I speculates and contemplate (should be speculate)
now I often resignate (designate?)
and you jump from I to we back to I again.
There's a few more in here that spell/grammar check should catch ... if you use it.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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I can see and feel your message in this one but you have to clean up a few things in it such as spelling and verb tenses. For example:
I speculates and contemplate (should be speculate)
now I often resignate (designate?)
and you jump from I to we back to I again.
There's a few more in here that spell/grammar check should catch ... if you use it.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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yes i made correction then the corrected page wasnt saved for some reason. Thanks for the review.
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Well good you saw it.