Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 " Im Waiting......."memiors from my life experiences.
59 total reviews
Comment from anabellapongasi
Hi there,
I enjoyed reading this quite unique poem, written in a very interesting form which I think you did masterfully. I like the rhyme scheme and the rhythm, but I'm not quite sure I get the intended message of the poem.
Anabella
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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Hi there,
I enjoyed reading this quite unique poem, written in a very interesting form which I think you did masterfully. I like the rhyme scheme and the rhythm, but I'm not quite sure I get the intended message of the poem.
Anabella
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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anabella its just that when we run out of oil things may get violent. Christians have to decide if we will fight to protect our families or turn the other cheek. Just trying to make people think about it is all.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate you for taking the time to explain it to me. Great poem.:)
Anabella
Comment from Kingsland
This poem strikes on the reality of the situation. We need to divert our energy usage to hydrogen. Oil is spelled... Greed. I found the repeating line in this poem to be very effective. I enjoyed reading and writing a review for this excellent piece of poetic art... John
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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This poem strikes on the reality of the situation. We need to divert our energy usage to hydrogen. Oil is spelled... Greed. I found the repeating line in this poem to be very effective. I enjoyed reading and writing a review for this excellent piece of poetic art... John
Comment Written 10-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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thank you john
Comment from Connie P
Wonderful form and a thought provoking message. 'Stir the pot it's going to boil' says "Do something now before it's too late. I doubt the world will ever run out of oil literally but salt and light could be another matter.
Connie
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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Wonderful form and a thought provoking message. 'Stir the pot it's going to boil' says "Do something now before it's too late. I doubt the world will ever run out of oil literally but salt and light could be another matter.
Connie
Comment Written 10-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Minglement
Well, this poem truly amazed me. I love this form, the villanelle, but doubt I could ever write anything so complicated. The rhyming scheme and reptition make it read so well. My hat's off to you on this one. Marcia
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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Well, this poem truly amazed me. I love this form, the villanelle, but doubt I could ever write anything so complicated. The rhyming scheme and reptition make it read so well. My hat's off to you on this one. Marcia
Comment Written 10-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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This one isn't half as good as twisted faces. I cheated a lot on this but thank you all the same.
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Both are good. Isn't it funny how we write so many poems (or stories) but have our favorites, the ones we feel turned out, 'just right'? Well done.
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thanks.
Comment from ulster3
Hello keimosobie.
I know the vilanelle is difficult to write because I wrote one quite a while back. You have done very well with the form and your content is mysterious and fantastic as is the reaper himself.
Bravo!
Fondly, Rebecca aka ulster3
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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Hello keimosobie.
I know the vilanelle is difficult to write because I wrote one quite a while back. You have done very well with the form and your content is mysterious and fantastic as is the reaper himself.
Bravo!
Fondly, Rebecca aka ulster3
Comment Written 10-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
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Thank you.
Comment from D Guerrero
I like your rhyming scheme that you did with this poem. You managed put A feeling of death over your poem you did a great job of it.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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I like your rhyming scheme that you did with this poem. You managed put A feeling of death over your poem you did a great job of it.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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Thank you.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Kemo Sabe. Welcome aboard Fanstory. I was quite taken with this first I've read of yours. I have to be honest...it Floats from subject to subject and comes back to oil it seems. I don't get the connection with death...or the symbol thereof? LOl...anyway, good write for the most part....Bob
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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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Hi, Kemo Sabe. Welcome aboard Fanstory. I was quite taken with this first I've read of yours. I have to be honest...it Floats from subject to subject and comes back to oil it seems. I don't get the connection with death...or the symbol thereof? LOl...anyway, good write for the most part....Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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thanks
Comment from Robert D Wilson
Very nice, keimosobie! I have only seen a few villanelle [all of them on FS] and am fascinated by the form. Yours comes across very well, even if the meaning seem quite dark. By the way, the death picture is a perfect compliment to your words.
I had trouble understanding your meaning in the line:
..."All of your hopes will never re spoil."
Not sure what "re spoil" is.
Perhaps consider something like:
..."All of your hopes I'll dash and soil"
or
..."All of your hopes will lie 'neath soil"
Anyway, I loved the rest of it!
Blessings,
Bob
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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Very nice, keimosobie! I have only seen a few villanelle [all of them on FS] and am fascinated by the form. Yours comes across very well, even if the meaning seem quite dark. By the way, the death picture is a perfect compliment to your words.
I had trouble understanding your meaning in the line:
..."All of your hopes will never re spoil."
Not sure what "re spoil" is.
Perhaps consider something like:
..."All of your hopes I'll dash and soil"
or
..."All of your hopes will lie 'neath soil"
Anyway, I loved the rest of it!
Blessings,
Bob
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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thanks it means to regenerate soil.
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Maybe you could add the definition to your notes, so curious people like me would better understand the reference.
Comment from Mirandawrites
THis is a new poem style for me, sounds so technical, I'm glad you included the author's note. The rhyming is really good, you carried it throughout the poem with admirable consistency.
I also like the double space between the verses, it gives me a chance to breathe between them. also the big space at the end is like making a long (pregnant)pause ...
Well done,
Blessings,
Miranda
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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THis is a new poem style for me, sounds so technical, I'm glad you included the author's note. The rhyming is really good, you carried it throughout the poem with admirable consistency.
I also like the double space between the verses, it gives me a chance to breathe between them. also the big space at the end is like making a long (pregnant)pause ...
Well done,
Blessings,
Miranda
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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thank you Miranda.
Comment from RKagan
This is a very intense poem. And I must say it made me think. I read a book once about what would happen if we ran out of oil, and it wasn't a pretty picture. good writing!
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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This is a very intense poem. And I must say it made me think. I read a book once about what would happen if we ran out of oil, and it wasn't a pretty picture. good writing!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
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thanks