CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 67 "A Lovers Vow"A collection of poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from dportwood
Sixteezkid,
This tetrameter chain is nicely done. I enjoyed the rhyming pattern and the meter of this poem. The message is perfect for this poetic style.
Duane
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Sixteezkid,
This tetrameter chain is nicely done. I enjoyed the rhyming pattern and the meter of this poem. The message is perfect for this poetic style.
Duane
Comment Written 21-Dec-2008
Comment from Curt Mongold
I don't think questions are needed here. Great rhyming and word usage cuz, it cuts right to it and leaves a clear impression on the reader. It fairly drips with feeling!
Great Stuff!
Sincerely,
Curt
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I don't think questions are needed here. Great rhyming and word usage cuz, it cuts right to it and leaves a clear impression on the reader. It fairly drips with feeling!
Great Stuff!
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
Comment from Algernon
Oh how timely. I've just got back from mass and an old school sweetheart was there, she is still single at 45.
She kept blushing, how does a bloke win a lasses heart like hers. Her friend is my best mates mum who loved me since I was born. I felt guilty in mass thinking of her couple of yummies. Darn it, she is 3 or 4 inches taller than me now. But I won't sleep tonight, thinking of imaginations. Yikes sorry, I digress... A poem where it's like a Sunday afteve, ahhhhh... Dreamy, it flows well, but now I'm in a dreamy state...
If you look at the pic, there is another shape in the pink..Huh did I just say that... No pun...
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Oh how timely. I've just got back from mass and an old school sweetheart was there, she is still single at 45.
She kept blushing, how does a bloke win a lasses heart like hers. Her friend is my best mates mum who loved me since I was born. I felt guilty in mass thinking of her couple of yummies. Darn it, she is 3 or 4 inches taller than me now. But I won't sleep tonight, thinking of imaginations. Yikes sorry, I digress... A poem where it's like a Sunday afteve, ahhhhh... Dreamy, it flows well, but now I'm in a dreamy state...
If you look at the pic, there is another shape in the pink..Huh did I just say that... No pun...
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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It wouldn't happen to be phallic, would it?!! AHHHHH! Go to confession immediately! I'm the one in a dreamy state here!! And I won't say why..... Thanks for your review and your side-story Ha!! Sweet Dreams :-)) Sue
Comment from Hitcher
Very clever, very smooth and very nice to read Sue, I would of posted it under romance rather than general poetry though, it is very romantic friend at least I think so. You showing off with another format, NICE!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Very clever, very smooth and very nice to read Sue, I would of posted it under romance rather than general poetry though, it is very romantic friend at least I think so. You showing off with another format, NICE!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Thanks, Hitch. I really wanted to work with that rhyme scheme. I can't say that I'm over-enthused about this piece, but I tried!! Did some editing after your review. Needed more adjustments. Thanks so much for your very kind review! :-)) Sue
Comment from rmdelta
Sue,
A beautifully written poem, Sue. Great word choices you've made here, each stanza smoothly leading us through the story so easily. Great writing, Sue.
Reggie
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Sue,
A beautifully written poem, Sue. Great word choices you've made here, each stanza smoothly leading us through the story so easily. Great writing, Sue.
Reggie
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
Comment from Domino
Blimey Sue, you're gettin a bit technical!
Maybe 'asking' instead of abbreviated 'wond'ring'?
Excellent meter and romantic sincerity makes for an excellent read. Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Blimey Sue, you're gettin a bit technical!
Maybe 'asking' instead of abbreviated 'wond'ring'?
Excellent meter and romantic sincerity makes for an excellent read. Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Yeah, Ray...I do love to try out new formats! Even though I did go free verse a coupla times there. :-)) - Ray, I worked on this late into the evening. Perhaps should have waited to post. Because you're right about the "won'dring". A tongue twister!! But, the word "ask" is in the previous line. So, a little work today for me. Thanks for highlighting that. And for your very kind review! Sue
Comment from Brian S. Pratt
So won'dring not when, why, or how
But only take this lover(')s vow,
That each of us accept, allow
The ebb or flow - the aft or bow.
only the one spag. great job. enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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So won'dring not when, why, or how
But only take this lover(')s vow,
That each of us accept, allow
The ebb or flow - the aft or bow.
only the one spag. great job. enjoyed it.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Brian, thanks so much for your close eye! And for your very generous review. With regards, Sue
Comment from cwebb
Very nice romantic poem; talks of a relationship that is growing without words. Nicely done. The rhyming scheme works nicely together too.
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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Very nice romantic poem; talks of a relationship that is growing without words. Nicely done. The rhyming scheme works nicely together too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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cwebb, you gave me 3 stars which means "NEEDS WORK". Yet, you compliment the work throughout. Is this in error, or if not, can you please comment on where it does need work? Thanks very much, Sue
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Sue; the poem is properly done and I and another person both looked at it and the rhyming scheme is correct. The poem is lacking punch and orginality. It is difficult to say how to put that into a poem, but that is my impression. Thanks very much. CW
Comment from Usiku
This is a good poem with nice rhythm and rhyme and essence of new love. I likethis line: Their inner souls met long ago.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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This is a good poem with nice rhythm and rhyme and essence of new love. I likethis line: Their inner souls met long ago.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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Usiku, thank you very much for your great review and lovely comments. Also, for highlighting the line you liked! :-)) Sue
Comment from TheDon
This is a very sentimental piece - you don't write greeting cards, do you? My favorite line: "With passion strong, we let it grow."
I hope this helps and good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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This is a very sentimental piece - you don't write greeting cards, do you? My favorite line: "With passion strong, we let it grow."
I hope this helps and good luck.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2008
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TheDon, after you've told me that I should write greeting cards before, I think maybe I should go look for a job! HA!! Thanks for the great review and for highlighting your favorite line! :-)) Sue
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Well, at least I'm consistent - and so is your writing!