Stories Upon The Sea
a sonnet about the ocean4 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
Wonderful sonnet about the sea. Your words are full of emotion and feelings. "Oh sea, you mirror both our joy and strife", is a perfect use of words that captures our relationship with the sea
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Wonderful sonnet about the sea. Your words are full of emotion and feelings. "Oh sea, you mirror both our joy and strife", is a perfect use of words that captures our relationship with the sea
Comment Written 25-Jan-2025
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a very nice sonnet. I can see how it won second place. Favorite lines include:
A restless heart that cradles every dream
and also: it roars with power only magic knows
Little suggestion:
Its brine has tasted hope, and drunk our tears,
I think you could take the comma out after hope, because you just have two verbs and not two independent clauses.
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This is a very nice sonnet. I can see how it won second place. Favorite lines include:
A restless heart that cradles every dream
and also: it roars with power only magic knows
Little suggestion:
Its brine has tasted hope, and drunk our tears,
I think you could take the comma out after hope, because you just have two verbs and not two independent clauses.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2025
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed your sonnet about the sea and your relationship with it here Miranda. Your metre is spot on and I enjoyed your rhymes and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
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I enjoyed your sonnet about the sea and your relationship with it here Miranda. Your metre is spot on and I enjoyed your rhymes and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Jan-2025
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Miranda!
It is awesome to meet you! I am so impressed that you know so many languages!
I wanted to stop by and compliment you on your lovely sonnet. When I look at sonnets, the first thing I look at is the iambic pentamenter mandate. Your rhythm here is perfect! This is not easy at all, as can be seen in a lot of the poetry on this site. There is a sing-songy cadence to iambic rhythm that once it gets in you as a poet, it becomes a lot easier to write. So many poets don't go through the work it takes to master it. I can tell by your poem that you have done so, and I applaud you for it!
SOME THOUGHTS:
---Your subject of the sea is well covered. You do a great job of showing the dichotomous nature of something as monolithic as the sea. You sum this up perfectly with your last line: "A force that cradles and consumes our life."
---"Its depths conceal the tales of sunken years,/Of sailors lost to tempests, wild and vast./Its brine has tasted hope, and drunk our tears,/And hidden truths too deep for shadows cast." --All of your stanzas are very well done, but this is my favorite for rhythm, rhyme, and message. I love the phrase "sunken years" as a clever twist on the notion of forgotten shipwrecks or buried fossils from eons ago. The phrase says so much in just two words!
I think you have a real shot to do well in the contest with this poem. I really enjoyed it! And let me once more applaud you on your rhythm. It may be easy for you, but for many here, it is an insurmountable obstacle, a vast ocean they refuse to sail! *wink*
Patrick
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Hello Miranda!
It is awesome to meet you! I am so impressed that you know so many languages!
I wanted to stop by and compliment you on your lovely sonnet. When I look at sonnets, the first thing I look at is the iambic pentamenter mandate. Your rhythm here is perfect! This is not easy at all, as can be seen in a lot of the poetry on this site. There is a sing-songy cadence to iambic rhythm that once it gets in you as a poet, it becomes a lot easier to write. So many poets don't go through the work it takes to master it. I can tell by your poem that you have done so, and I applaud you for it!
SOME THOUGHTS:
---Your subject of the sea is well covered. You do a great job of showing the dichotomous nature of something as monolithic as the sea. You sum this up perfectly with your last line: "A force that cradles and consumes our life."
---"Its depths conceal the tales of sunken years,/Of sailors lost to tempests, wild and vast./Its brine has tasted hope, and drunk our tears,/And hidden truths too deep for shadows cast." --All of your stanzas are very well done, but this is my favorite for rhythm, rhyme, and message. I love the phrase "sunken years" as a clever twist on the notion of forgotten shipwrecks or buried fossils from eons ago. The phrase says so much in just two words!
I think you have a real shot to do well in the contest with this poem. I really enjoyed it! And let me once more applaud you on your rhythm. It may be easy for you, but for many here, it is an insurmountable obstacle, a vast ocean they refuse to sail! *wink*
Patrick
Comment Written 12-Jan-2025
