Home for Christmas
A simple Christmas story.4 total reviews
Comment from Zach Gallows
Simply heartbreaking. You really captured the essence of loneliness and looking for comfort in the bottle. That being said I did notice a typo in the line 'She would give me any any appointment' I assume you only meant one any. Also at some points some words are all uppercase. Some instances it seems for emphasis but at others it feels random. All in all a good story though and made me want to know what happens next. It just kind of ends abruptly.
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Simply heartbreaking. You really captured the essence of loneliness and looking for comfort in the bottle. That being said I did notice a typo in the line 'She would give me any any appointment' I assume you only meant one any. Also at some points some words are all uppercase. Some instances it seems for emphasis but at others it feels random. All in all a good story though and made me want to know what happens next. It just kind of ends abruptly.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
Comment from Rick Gardner
A really good story, felt like this is me and trouble is brewing, the alcohol is speaking to and your judgement of what may happen now is missing. Enter at your own risk, what will happen is not in your control. Hang on.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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A really good story, felt like this is me and trouble is brewing, the alcohol is speaking to and your judgement of what may happen now is missing. Enter at your own risk, what will happen is not in your control. Hang on.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Thanks.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Well, hold on! Where's the rest of the story? You can't just leave me hanging there. It had my full attention all the way through and then it ended but what happened to the kid? Is there a part two out there somewhere? lol Good story so far but needs more of an ending or some sort of closure. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Well, hold on! Where's the rest of the story? You can't just leave me hanging there. It had my full attention all the way through and then it ended but what happened to the kid? Is there a part two out there somewhere? lol Good story so far but needs more of an ending or some sort of closure. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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I asked Tom if I could enter it in a contest in sections. It isn't supposed to be known who wrote it. Oh, you entered the contest too. I'll hang the other half on your mantle, dripping in gasoline. "What nurse?" I gotta go, it's med time.
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Nope. I didn't enter the contest. But i'm glad to hear there's more to the story.
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If I ever stop reading others and write. thank you, Miss, Mrs. or Mr...I don't even care, you're so funny.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Hi Eean, this is a wonderful, enthralling read! I love the comedy in your stream of consciousness, especially the undignified way you describe being thrown out of the bar:)) What is so great about recording thoughts in a drunken state are the random thoughts which apply to all of us but get accentuated when we're inebriated. Essentially, it's what we're all about in a non-linear fashion, with the outside world only intermittently impacting on us. Then, something out of the ordinary touches the narrator, providing a cohesion and a love that surprises him. We don't need to know more because it is a moment of revelation and, dare I say, beauty. What Christmas should be all about and so often isn't. This, Eean, is deserving of more that I can give. But very well done and good luck. Debbie
She would give me any (any?) appointment I...
She agre(e)s knowing she will never give me...
I can feel the belligerence (quelling) - perhaps 'building' (as it's 'fighting' which would be the opposite of quelling?)
He b(r)eaks down to nothing..
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Hi Eean, this is a wonderful, enthralling read! I love the comedy in your stream of consciousness, especially the undignified way you describe being thrown out of the bar:)) What is so great about recording thoughts in a drunken state are the random thoughts which apply to all of us but get accentuated when we're inebriated. Essentially, it's what we're all about in a non-linear fashion, with the outside world only intermittently impacting on us. Then, something out of the ordinary touches the narrator, providing a cohesion and a love that surprises him. We don't need to know more because it is a moment of revelation and, dare I say, beauty. What Christmas should be all about and so often isn't. This, Eean, is deserving of more that I can give. But very well done and good luck. Debbie
She would give me any (any?) appointment I...
She agre(e)s knowing she will never give me...
I can feel the belligerence (quelling) - perhaps 'building' (as it's 'fighting' which would be the opposite of quelling?)
He b(r)eaks down to nothing..
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Thank you. You are obviously very intelligent and I'm maybe not deserving of this critique. But thank you and I will learn, maybe.
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I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, Eean! I think humour is my favourite quality of all and when you can combine it with poignancy as well, that's quite a talent! You could definitely make this a first chapter in a book....