Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Sadly, I don't get noticing in my inbox when posts are contest entries; therefore, I would never get the chance to read and enjoy them unless I just run across them. I'm glad I found this one, and congratulations on your deserving contest win! Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024

Thanks Ric! I do have a few plot problems with this one, but I will work those out in expansion now that I don't have to stop at 998 words!

Comment from LJbutterfly

Exceptional

I was perusing the Closed Contests page, as I sometimes do, and decided to see who won the Chilling Secret contest.

Wow! I thoroughly enjoyed the creativity and thought demonstrated in this chilling tale. I most enjoyed the fact that it made me take time to consider and understand the relationship between Lady Asterlyne and her half brother Cyrus Jordan. I breathed a sigh of relief when Christopher was introduced, only to be stunned by the surprise ending.

Congratulations on your well deserved win.

 Comment Written 28-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024

Thank you so much for your awesome review! I'm really happy you liked the story. 😊

Comment from zanya

Excellent

Ouch! This tale truly fits the criteria for the contest 'Chilling secret' - a longtime secret held until the appropriate moment for revelation -the impact is highly charged - well told

 Comment Written 25-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024

Thank you, zanya! I appreciate you reading and reviewing!

Comment from Begin Again

Excellent

Diabolic, for sure! Seems Lady Asterlyne inherited more than the estate.... knock them off one at a time. A fascinating read and I did enjoy it. Maybe that means I have a streak of evil as well. LOL
Smiles, Carol

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024

Thank you, Carol!

Comment from Marilyn Hamilton

Exceptional

Wow Great story! Very Edgar Allen Poeish! Any secret kept behind an old wine cellar where "The air smelled of old neglect." is going to fit the word chilling. Great twist and scary ending. Great job on this prompt

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024

Hi Marilyn! Yes, I had "The Cask of Amontillado" in mind when I came up with the idea. Thank you for one of your 6-stars!

Comment from Julie Helms

Exceptional

This is an excellent and truly chilling story...enough cold-hearted characters to go around. Your settings are beautifully described. I felt shades of the Cask of Amontillado in that cellar!

I have a question on this passage:
I am your older brother, Lady Asterlyne. The skeleton behind you is also my mother. And you are an abomination. I will have my vengeance on your father through you."

I'm assuming they do not share the father? I'm not sure why she's the abomination when she (appears) clearly unaware of the situation. And why did the father send him a letter if he wasn't his son. Was this purely a stirring-up-of-the-hornets tactic.

One of the most chilling parts of this is she gets away with this double murder, no repercussions and all the wealth!

A story well told!
Best of luck!
Julie

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024

Hi Julie!

Thank you for your review! I totally considered putting a quote from "Cask" at the top of the story, but I didn't have the count for it, nor did it completely apply because Montresor was seeking revenge for a past "insult." I also didn't want to clue a discerning reader in to the nature of the wine rack as hiding a cell of death.

Plotting for a story like this, in the timeframe we have to write it, can lead to some wrinkles in the fabric. To me, this has always been the hardest part about creating a plot. You absolutely keyed in to the very moment when the plot was its most tenuous. Cyrus Jordan, as the son of the prostitute mother, understandbly seeks revenge for what Lord Asterlyne did to his mother. Who wouldn't? He was never aware growing up (as a poor, orphaned child with a missing mother and no idea who his father was) what happened to his mother. When he finds out the truth of it, he understandly wishes to seek vengeance, and the only one available is the half-sister who was able to grow up in privilege. Lord Asterlyne must have felt guilty enough that he felt that Jordan deserved to know what happened to his mother. The same attempt at contrition can also explain why he sent a letter and the key to his daughter, whom he must have thought deserved to know the truth as well. Little did he expect, however, that both of these young people would react in the violent way they did.

Okay, so the reason I wrote all this out is to MAKE SURE the plot is feasible. I had it in my mind, but writing this out, it helps me see it more clearly. I am still okay with it. But who knows? I have had stories exist for years and when I reread them, I'm like: oh no, this doesn't make sense! Well "The Wine Rack" began its life this weekend. Who knows if five years from now, I might find a flaw I missed. Thank you for giving me the opportunity in this reply to work all this out.

Oh, and thank you so much for one of your 6-stars!

Comment from Lindsey Russell

Excellent

This is so super chilling it actually gave me chills. You did a great job! Good luck with the contest and thank you for sharing! As always, happy writing!

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024

Wow, thank you Lindsey! As a big fan of Hitchcockian mystery, I am very happy that my story gave you chills.